


If the World Were to Burn, Would You Burn With Me?

by prettygirllostt



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drift Compatibility, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Modern AU, Pacific Rim AU, Rated E for later chapters, they fight aliens with robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:46:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 72,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11706156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettygirllostt/pseuds/prettygirllostt
Summary: Ursa Lavellan is the only single Jaeger pilot in the world. At the peak of the Jaeger program she is recruited to Skyhold on the coast of New Zealand. Jaeger co-pilots Leliana and Cassandra  and Iron Bull and Dorian welcome her with open arms. But Cullen Rutherford throws a wrench in her plans. Cullen's co-pilot, his sister Rosalie, died 2 years prior in a Kaiju attack. He worries for the safety of his friends and sees Ursa as a threat. When the Kaiju attacks worsen, Ursa is forced to find a compatible co-pilot. Cullen is her perfect match. It will either be the worst or best thing to happen to them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I'm having tons of fun with this AU. I love the idea of the Drift and playing with it here is great. 
> 
> This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own!
> 
> I don't claim any rights to any of these characters!

Chapter 1

     THE woman had a swagger seen only in Jaeger pilots. She walked in the large bay doors, jacket tossed over her shoulder, blue gum popping, and thick headphones covering her ears. Her shirt was torn and hung just above her belly button, a Union Jack flag faded and stained on the front while a silver piercing glittered in the yellow lights of the dome. She stopped just short of the commander who awaited her. He tapped his ear until she pulled her headphones down to rest on her neck. 

     “Ursa Lavellan,” he said grimly. 

     “Hunter Blackwall,” she greeted, popping her gum with a loud snap. 

     “It’s Commander now,” he said stiffly. She nodded.

     “I heard. Happy to be serving under you. Obviously, or I wouldn’t be here,” she said. 

     “Yes, I’d heard you were recruited elsewhere. May I say that I’m very happy you chose us. I’d like to ask, why did you?” Blackwall turned and gestured, Ursa falling into step beside him. She dragged her suitcase behind her, the wheels clicking on the metal floor. 

     She looked around with a noncommittal shrug. “I like New Zealand. I figure if I have to be far from home I should at least pick a place I like.”

     Blackwall looked her over appraisingly. He’d taught her in the academy. Since then she’d made a name for herself. They called her the Queen of the Fade, her bright green Jaeger an icon across the world. The men in the barracks called her other unsavory things as well but she didn’t seem to mind. She grinned easily back at him, her tongue blue from her gum. 

     “Then I’m happy you like it here, if it means we get to see you in action,” he said. 

     She stretched her arms over her head, her Kaiju leather jacket clutched in her hand. She rolled her shoulders luxuriously, noting how the engineers around her paused to appreciate her flat stomach and tanned skin. 

     “I’m sure,” she murmured.

     “You’ll find you aren’t the only big ego here, Lavellan. Be careful which bear you poke,” Blackwall warned.

     “Where would the fun be in that?” she asked, arching a single, perfectly groomed, eyebrow at her old instructor. 

     She walked ahead of him, a confident sway to her hips. 

     “God help us,” he muttered before following.  

 

     CASSANDRA Pentaghast watched with interest as her co-pilot and her closest friend played chess. It was like watching two dogs circle each other. Leliana was ruthless, her eyes never leaving the pieces on the board while Cullen was thoughtful. He watched her moves, countering them with a calmness Cassandra would believe if she didn’t know him. They all looked up when the young woman strutted into the common area. She was followed by Blackwall and a bright pink suitcase with a squeaky wheel. Their usually imposing commander was nearly swallowed up by the woman’s presence. She smiled cheekily at the room.

     “This must be the rest of the crew,” she said. There was an edge to her grin, something challenging that put Cassandra immediately on alert. Behind her, Dorian and his co-pilot Iron Bull, Bull for short, laid out on a long couch. Dorian had his head resting on the other man’s thick thigh and he yawned while looking up. 

     “And you must be the cunt of the Pacific,” he said lazily. “We heard you were coming.”

     Cassandra turned sharply, ready for whatever altercation would come from Dorian’s quick mouth. The young woman looked him up and down, coming back up to the man’s dark eyes calmly. Slowly, she smiled. 

     “That’s me. Though I do like bitch of the seas better, if you’re picking one,” she said. 

     He laughed, Bull’s roaring chuckle joining. Blackwall visibly relaxed but Cassandra looked at her friends. They were harder to impress. Leliana’s eyes were wide, a sign of her judgement being passed, while Cullen’s lips had thinned into a slim line. He disapproved. Cassandra wasn’t surprised. Cullen didn’t approve of much anymore. When he’d first walked into Skyhold, his sister at his side, he’d been just as cocky as the girl in front of them now. He’d swung easy smiles at everyone and blushed when women approached him. He’d been fearless and fun, albeit a little naive. With the loss of his sister he’d grown colder. This young woman’s smile was reckless and that was outside of a Jaeger. They’d all heard the tales of her. Cassandra imagined she and the Lion of Skyhold wouldn’t be close. 

     “If you move that piece you’ll lose,” the girl said to Cullen, gesturing to a piece on the board. He looked up, annoyance in his gaze and a retort on his lips when Blackwall stepped in.

     “As you all have heard we have a new pilot joining us. With the loss of Hawke and Stroud we were in need of a replacement. This is Ursa Lavellan. I trained her myself at the academy. Her Jaeger will be in within the week and then we’ll be running some cooperative tests. Play nice until then. I don’t want to clean blood off the floors. Again,” he said gruffly, glaring at Iron Bull. The large man looked sheepish.

     “Whatever you say, Boss,” he said with a small salute. Blackwall swept his gaze over the room before nodding and turning on his heel to leave. The door swung shut behind him, leaving the young woman alone with the other pilots of Skyhold. 

     Ursa took in the room without the commander there. Cassandra got the distinct impression she was sizing them all up. After a beat of silence, she crossed the room and dropped into the chair next to where Dorian and Bull sat. 

     “I think I know most of you but I’ll admit I’m a newbie next to all of you. I look forward to seeing how you handle shit out there. You’re the team in the Divine, right? Leliana and Cassandra? You held this coast from the start,” she said, nodding at Cassandra and her redheaded co-pilot. Cassandra nodded her confirmation.

     “Cool. I was like, 19, when this all started. God, that was 7 years ago. I know I’m not old but saying it makes me feel old. Anyway, I can’t believe you’ve made it this long. Kudos,” she said. 

     “It takes practice,” Cassandra allowed.

     “And a solid Drift,” Leliana added. Ursa snorted. 

     “Right. Well that tidbit’s lost on me, isn’t it?” she asked. 

     “Yes, I suppose it is,” Leliana said softly. “Tell me, how is it to pilot alone? We’ve never seen anyone manage it before.” 

     Ursa tapped her head. “Shunt in here. Makes it possible. My misfortune as a kid apparently made me a medical goldmine for this shit. I don’t know how different it feels. I’ve never had to Drift. They were afraid if I tried it I’d end up relying on it so I wasn’t tested. They just made me Fade. After all the first single pilots died I think they just didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.” 

     “And you don’t find that lonely?” Cullen asked. Ursa rolled her head on the back of the chair to look at him, auburn hair falling into her eyes. 

     “You’re Rutherford. The Lion. They called your sister The Cat. I idolized her. I had her poster in my bedroom in the academy. I’m sorry for your loss,” Ursa said, her voice softening a touch as she spoke. Still, Cullen flinched. Ursa pretended not to notice. “As to being lonely, no. I don’t think so. I rely on myself and on Fade. It’s no different than being alone in my mind. Except, you know, with giant aliens and lots of violence.” 

     “Hell yeah!” Bull chortled. 

     Cullen stood abruptly. He looked down at the game and deliberately moved the piece Ursa had motioned to before. 

     “You win,” he told Leliana before stalking from the room. 

     Ursa swung her legs over the side of the chair and laid her long, thick, wave of hair over the arm, bright green eyes catching Cassandra’s upside down.

     “What’s his problem?” she asked.

 

     CULLEN Rutherford was not used to being The Lion without The Cat at his side. He’d been linked to his sister for nearly 6 years. Her death still felt like a nightmare he couldn’t wake from. Hearing it from the young woman’s blue tinted mouth had been jarring. He’d once been like her. Unafraid of death or of the aliens lurking in the sea. He’d thought he could stop the war if only he and his sister were given a chance. Rosalie had been fierce. What was more, she’d been Ursa’s age. 18 when the rift had opened in the sea. 19 when they first tested into the academy. Back then it had been a rugged branch of the army and they’d worked hard. Cullen had just turned 23 and he was determined to prove himself.In the original panic about the Kaiju there was no worry about the age of recruits. Rosalie’s determination was all they’d seen. Despite Cullen’s worry for her, she’d stepped into the line of fire and had nearly surpassed him. Rosalie moved like water while Cullen fought like fire. Together, they forged their way to a title. The Rutherford siblings. The Lion and The Cat with their Jaeger, Ferelden Fire. They’d been unstoppable. Until they weren’t. 

     He growled, shaking his head as if he could throw the headache from his bones. A girl like that couldn’t help them. She would be rash. She would run into danger and get the rest of them killed trying to protect her. Blackwall might have seen potential but that wasn’t enough. A good pilot needed caution. Muttering, Cullen headed for his quarters. He needed to rest or he feared his head might split open. He would talk to his commander when he felt better. 

 

     URSA yawned widely, bouncing her toes on the edge of the couch. She hadn’t seen her room yet but she was in no rush. She’d found the dorms in the academy to be the same as the rooms in the American dome. She didn’t expect much more from Skyhold. She’d just flown across the world and she was antsy, energy thrumming in her veins.

     “What’s there to do for fun around here? I’m itching to move,” she said. 

     “Tragically, we’re in the middle of nowhere and Blackwall doesn’t approve of us leaving the dome,” Dorian said, sounding as it truly was a tragedy. Ursa clicked her tongue at him.

     “I knew him at the academy. It won’t kill him if we go out, he’ll just be gruff and disapproving,” she said. 

     “We don’t leave the dome,” Cassandra said firmly. “If there's an attack we need to be here. Maybe where you’re from pilots go out but there’s plenty to do here.” 

     Ursa waved her hand. “Fine. Fine. Then we need something fun to do here. I have a feeling your idea of fun isn’t mine, though.”

     “You’re still a kid,” Cassandra said with a snort of disgust. 

     “Yes,” Ursa said decisively, “Yes I am. I’m also one of the best damn Jaeger pilots in the world and I want to do something fun. I haven’t done fun in like, 3 years. Not for real. The last dome was filled with kids and I mean  _ real  _ kids. Their idea of fun was fucking everyone else and then complaining about it, or just talking about the Kaiju they killed  _ as a team _ and beating each other up for the rights to brag about it. When this opened I had to come here. The legends are here. If anyone’s gonna get shit done, it’s all of you. I was also sick of never getting any sleep. Kids under 20 never sleep, I swear to god.” 

      Iron Bull made a sound of disgust. Ursa turned to look at him.

     “You must be Iron Bull,” she said, “My roommate had such a crush on you back in the academy. She had that promo pic you did for TIME on her wall.” 

     “One and the same,” he replied, preening. She inspected the large man with a grin. He was bald, muscled, and tan. His smile was easy and he wore a patch over his left eye. Ursa had heard theories on how he’d lost it but no one really knew for sure. He was good looking if you were like her roommate who wanted a man who could throw her across a football field without being winded. To Ursa though he just seemed kind. She approved of his demeanor. 

     She moved on to his partner. It had always been a mystery to those outside of the academy what made Drift compatability work. One look at Dorian and you’d wonder how he and Iron Bull fit together but Ursa understood it. Inside both of them something clicked. There was an easy comfort among those who Drifted. Dorian’s head resting on the other man’s thigh proved it. Whatever it was that made their minds mesh so well, it had been working for a long time. 

     “Tell me, how did someone so pretty end up testing with someone so...large?” she asked him. 

     Dorian chuckled. “When I’d tested with everyone my size, men and women, they decided to try the more unconventional choices. I’ve never been conventional so I was all for it. Bull here was the first one in that round. I never tested past him.” 

     “Drift compatibility is an art for the brain,” Leliana said. “You might be surprised who you mesh with.” 

     “Yes, my brother and I weren’t Drift compatible but Leliana and I are,” Cassandra explained. 

     “I’ve seen lots of siblings test out with each other. Twins seem to have better luck. I have this friend, she came with her year younger brother. He ended up dropping out when they couldn’t find him a compatible partner but she Drifted with this older commander just to try it out, like all recruits do , and she ended up working with  _ him.  _ I know it’s a weird science. I’m just glad I haven’t had to do it myself,” Ursa said. 

     “It feels...nice,” Dorian said, patting Bull’s leg before sitting up fully. “Like someone knows you intimately.” 

     Ursa made a face, shaking her head. “Ew, no. I’m not even dating. I don’t need someone else in my mind, thank you very much.”

     “It can be a relief,” Leliana said. 

     “There’s nothing in here I need help with,” Ursa said, “Besides the shunt but I’ll take that over a person in here any day. Welp, if there’s gonna be no fun...can someone point me in the direction of the barracks? I need to find my room still.” 

     Dorian stood and with a sweeping bow lilted, “Allow me.”

     He offered Ursa his arm and she took it, giggling. He led her from the room, pulling her pink suitcase behind him. As the door began to swing shut they heard him ask about the piercing in her belly button. Her response was lost in the resolute clack! Of the shut door. Cassandra turned to Leliana.

     “So?” she asked. 

     “Interesting. It will be...educational...to see how she fares with everyone here,” Leliana replied.

     “She’s a great pilot,” Bull said gruffly, “My friend in the American dome says as much. She ran point on a dozen missions. Each one ended in a kill. Only one injury at all and she got them out. Carried them back in the palm of her hand.” 

     “But she seems…” Leliana trailed off so Cassandra supplemented the word.

     “Reckless.” 

     “All the best ones are,” Bull said with a shrug.

     “Until they aren’t,” Cassandra replied.

     “They either die or they have a co-pilot who reins them in. She doesn’t have another person,” Leliana said.

     “Let’s not worry too much. We have Cullen for that,” Bull snorted. He laid back on the couch, kicking his feet up into Dorian’s vacant spot. 

     “Too true. How long before he yells at her?” Leliana asked in amusement.

     “Did you see her clothes? I give it until dinner,” Bull drawled. 

     Cassandra snorted. “Sooner,” she vowed. 

 

     SHE wasn’t wrong. Dorian and Ursa chatted easily as he led her to the pilot’s wing of the dome. He showed her into her room and then took his leave graciously. She counted the amount of steps it took to cross from the bed to the desk and then to the bathroom (7 and 3) and then she looked in the mirror. It was nearly dinner time and she’d been wearing the same grubby outfit since she’d woken up for her flight. Sticking out her tongue at herself, she stripped. Taking a quick shower, she dried off her hair and picked a pair of daisy dukes and a dark green crop top from her bag. She’d worked hard on her body and she had no qualms in showing it. Pushing her wet hair to its side part, she winked at her reflection before heading out to dinner. And straight into Cullen Rutherford. 

     “Oh!” she stepped back, startled. 

     “I’m sorry, I-” he began only to stop as he took in her outfit. 

     “You going to dinner?” she asked, oblivious to his growing frustration. 

     “Yes,” he ground out. 

     She peered up at him. “What?” she looked down, patting her stomach and then down her legs. “Did I get eyeliner on me or something?” 

     “You’re wearing that to dinner?” he asked incredulously. 

     She tapped the red cherry in her belly button. “Yeah. Why?” 

     “Don’t you think it’s a little...revealing?” he asked.

     She chuckled. “That’s the point, Rutherford. When all this shit went down I was a scrawny little nobody living in Maine. Now? I’m this. It’s worth showing off.” 

     “To dinner?” he reiterated. 

     “Rutherford. I heard you the first time. I promise. I’m fine. I like it. This is my lucky Kaiju killing outfit. Makes me feel strong,” she said, mostly kidding. She nearly laughed when his face contorted. Keeping a straight face, she crossed her arms. “Do you have a problem with it?”

     “Yes! No...fuck...a woman can wear...it’s not that it’s....some of the men here aren’t gentlemen,” he finished lamely. Her lip twitched upward before falling back into a scowl. 

     “Well thank you for the warning. I can take care of myself. Been doing it for 3 years now on the front lines, if you haven’t noticed,” she began to walk towards the main dining hall, hips swinging. Cullen sighed and followed, stiffening when she called back to him, “Careful how close you follow. Wouldn’t want you to succumb to any urges.”

     “I wouldn’t-!” he shouted in frustration only to be cut off by her laughter. She waved over her shoulder as she entered the large room. Around her, men stopped and stared from all sides. He muttered curses to himself before shaking it off and heading to his usual spot. 

     He crashed into his seat across from Cassandra, a sour frown on his face. 

     “Yes?” she said archly. 

     “Nothing,” he snapped, falling into silence. It broke when Ursa slid in next to Bull, carelessly sliding her thigh along his. He looked at her with interest and she grinned. Cullen bristled. 

     “Bull, what do  _ you  _ wear under your suit in your Jaeger?” she purred at the large man. 

     “Nothing,” Bull replied. Cullen groaned. 

     “So if I wore this?” Ursa asked, peering up through her lashes. 

     “You’d be able to move well,” Bull said with a shrug. He shoveled bread into his mouth.

      “It’s impractical!” Cullen finally cried out. Cassandra blinked at him in surprise while Dorian hid his laughter in a cough. 

     “How so?” Ursa challenged.

     “If you get hurt-” he started but she interrupted. 

     “If I get hurt inside my suit my outfit would literally do nothing. If I got hurt  _ outside  _ of my suit I think I’d have bigger problems. Like how I got out of my suit in the first place,” she said. 

     “And in here?” he grumbled. 

     The other riders watched the volley of words in fascination. Leliana subtly slipped Cassandra a five as Cullen glared and Ursa smirked. 

     “I told you. I can take care of myself. Anyone tries something I don’t want I promise they’ll dislike the outcome. Why do you think they call me the Cunt of the Pacific?” she asked serenely. 

     “I’ve never thought about it,” he said honestly. 

     She paused, fork partway to her mouth. “Now that I think you actually mean. Fascinating.” 

     “What…” he sputtered. She put her fork down and leaned forward. 

     “You’re not a liar,” she said frankly, “Which is nice. So I’m only going to say this once. I like my clothes. I like to feel the air on my skin. Don’t worry about me. Anyone who’s ever tried  _ anything  _ learned their lesson very quickly. Thank you for the concern but I’m just fine.” 

     He blinked, at a loss for words. She nodded, satisfied. For a beat there was silence. Then Bull leaned back and asked, “Is that a tramp stamp?”

     Cullen’s shout could be heard throughout the room. 

 

     “YOU’RE the bitch of the sea,” a woman’s voice greeted Ursa as she left after dinner. She turned with a pleased smile. 

     “I am. And you are?” she prompted.

     The slim blonde wiped her greasy palm on her leggings and reached out to shake Ursa’s hand. 

     “Sera Jenny. I’m in engineering. I’ve been assigned to The Fade. I’m so excited to see it! Very green. Not my favorite color but...well it’s...very green. And you! All swaggy. Not like those stuck up ones in there. Cassy and Red. Can’t be bothered with us. Bigger than their britches. I stole them once you know. Their britches. Had to give them back, though. Commander got weird about it,” the blonde prattled on.

     Ursa chuckled. “I think they have the right to be stuck up, but I’ll try not to be like them.” 

     “You’re one of a kind. You couldn’t be like them. Supposed to be different, you. Cole says so too,” Sera said confidently. She was an odd looking woman in yellow and red plaid leggings and a bright red tank top. Her hair was cropped short and there was grease in it from her work. She didn’t seem to mind.

     “Cole?” Ursa asked.

     “Other engineer on your baby. People forget him a lot. He likes it that way. Good with secrets, that one. Well, dinner to eat. So many rolls…” Sera muttered, wandering off before Ursa could say goodbye. 

     “Oh...okay. Bye,” she said, shaking her head at the blonde’s back. 

     She sauntered back to her room slowly, smiling wider as she replayed the night’s events. 

 

     “SHE’S going to be the death of us all,” Cullen snapped. Cassandra raised her eyebrows at him.

     “Don’t you think you might be being a little dramatic?” she asked. 

     “No. She’s cocky. She’s reckless. She’s  _ smug. _ None of that can help us,” he said, shaking his head. 

     “We could use a little of that. We were all like that in the start. Without it we can’t win this war. You know that. You used to run in just like she does. You’ve seen her footage. She’s just what we need. Not in front, but in the lineup. We’ve all forgotten why we fight. Maybe she can remind us,” Cassandra offered. 

     “You don’t like her either,” Cullen said, leaning back in his chair and pushing his blonde curls away from his face.

     “I don’t dislike her. I think she needs more training and someone to help rein her in if she ever goes overboard but I don’t hate her. She’s just a kid,” Cassandra said. 

     “She isn’t a kid,” a soft voice said from their left. They both jumped. The slim, blonde, man was sitting in the darkened corner, a book in his hands. 

     “Cole,” Cullen greeted stiffly. 

     “She isn’t a kid. No one here is. Not anymore,” Cole said softly. He stood and wandered to the door, disappearing into the hallway.

     “Creeps me out when he does that,” Cullen muttered.

     “Me too. Let’s play cards. I’m bored,” Cassandra said. 

     Cullen nodded, allowing her to deal. He never slept anymore. He could take all the time in the world. 

 

     URSA woke to the Kaiju alarm at 4 in the morning. She groaned, flopping onto her back and staring at the metal ceiling. She’d only gotten to sleep an hour earlier and clawing to wakefulness was painful. 

     “The Divine team to the launch deck. Divine team to launch,” a voice called over the speaker. Ursa muffled her shout in her pillow. She took a moment to breath before sliding to her feet and pulling a shirt on. She put on her flip flops and yawned before leaving her room. 

     Blackwall was in the main control room with Cullen at his side. There were others in the room but she ignored them, shuffling up to the two men. 

     “You don’t need to be up,” Blackwall said shortly when he saw her. 

     “I know. I wanted to see them first hand,” she said, rubbing her eyes. 

     “You look like shit. Go back to bed,” Blackwall said.

     “No,” Ursa said, her voice hardening. Cullen looked at her with interest. She did look exhausted. There were black circles under her eyes and her hair was a wild nest about her head. She was wearing a tank top with Mickey Mouse on it and a pair of wrinkled pajama shorts, clearly not caring about her outfit. Still, she stood her ground. “I want to see. They’re some of the best in the world.”

     “You’ll be beside them soon enough,” Blackwall replied but he was softening. 

     “And at that point it will be too late to learn. I need to see them in action so I know what to expect and how I can help when we all go out together,” Ursa said. 

     Cullen couldn’t help but agree that it was a good idea. Blackwall seemed to think so too, if his gruff snort meant anything. 

     “Fine. Sit there and don’t speak,” he said, gesturing to a chair next to a short man with a laptop. Ursa nodded and dropped into the seat. 

     “Hi,” the man said, looking up briefly, “Varric Tethras.” 

     “Ursa Lavellan,” she replied, watching the screens in front of them. Cassandra and Leliana were being suited up. Soon enough they’d be in the thick of the fight.

     “I know. I look forward to speaking with you when we aren’t under immediate threat,” he said. 

     “We aren’t. It’s out there,” Ursa pointed out.

     “I don’t mean from Kaiju I meant from Curly and Hero over there,” Varric said with a jerk of his chin. Indeed, Blackwall and Cullen were looking over unhappily. Ursa nodded sagely. 

     “Right. Quiet. Okay,” she said. And then the Jaeger was in the water and she didn’t want to speak. She leaned forward, her exhaustion forgotten as the fight began. Even when she wasn’t in the battle, watching a Jaeger do its thing always gave her a rush. She watched in fascination as Leliana and Cassandra destroyed the creature. When it was done she leaned back in her chair and sighed loudly. 

     “Enjoy the show?” Varric asked, closing his laptop. 

     “Damn straight. What they do is art,” she replied. 

     Varric nodded. “I’ve seen what you do. It’s art as well.”

     Ursa snorted. “Not like that. That’s pure human beauty right there. Every good aspect of the human brain in motion. It’s poetry.”

     Varric looked at her in appreciation. “Do you mind if I quote you? That was damn good.” 

     She shook her head, a rueful smile passing her lips. “Steal away. No one wants a poetic pilot. Now, if you’ll excuse me. My bed is calling my name.”

     Varric said his goodbyes, waiting until she’d left to approach Blackwall.

     “That’s a damn special kid you got there,” he said approvingly. 

     “She just might be,” Blackwall replied. Cullen snorted. 

     “Don’t like her?” Blackwall asked. 

     “She’s reckless,” Cullen said, wondering how many times he’d have to say it until someone listened.

     “So were you if I recall,” Blackwall said mildly.

     “Exactly. She’ll pay the price if she isn’t careful,” Cullen said coldly. He turned on his heel and stalked out. His head was pounding once more. He shook the memory of his sister’s laugh from his mind and headed for the observatory. The sun was rising. A new day had arrived. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fade is delivered and the others finally get to see her fight. Ursa protects Cassandra and Lelliana against a Kaiju. Vivienne, Cole, Josephine, and Solas are introduced. Cullen is overruled about her reckless nature.

Chapter 2

 

      TWO weeks after entering Skyhold, Fade was finally delivered. Ursa was nearly jumping out of her skin with excitement. The other pilots were also curious to see the new Jaeger in person so they headed as a group to the large bay. Ursa crowed when she saw Fade, clapping as she jumped up and down. She was like a kid on christmas morning. Bull chuckled at her reaction while the others just watched her. They knew Fade had been made for her and that most pilots took pride in their Jaegers but her unbridled excitement was a sight to see. 

      “My baby!” she squealed. “Oh, I missed you!” 

      The others looked on in awe. Fade was just as large as the other Jaegers in height. It would take an elevator to reach the hull in the head of the robot. It was the head and limbs that made it so different. The head was smaller as it only fit one pilot and the limbs were almost graceful in how slim they were. Most Jaegers had thicker arms and legs so they could be reinforced. Fade’s seemed proportionate to the thin body. 

      “How does it not break when you hit something? It’s so...lovely,” Leliana asked, her voice soft.

      “Reinforced threefold on the inside. I told them I wanted to look like a lady. I think they took it as a challenge,” Ursa said, sounding like a bragging mother. 

      “You asked to look more...girly...in a Jaeger?” Cullen asked, his voice strangled. 

      Ursa nodded, pride in her eyes. “I’m a girl. I wanted to know if they could do it. And they did. Fade’s never broken. Never even chipped the paint. She’s the pride of those who made her. And I got to make her into poetry. I guess you’ll see soon enough, but it was worth it.”

      “It is beautiful,” Varric said from behind them. Ursa jumped and Cassandra groaned.

      “Varric. Why am I not surprised?” she said bitterly. Ursa watched with interest as Cassandra turned on the short man. He grinned back, unperturbed. 

      “You shouldn’t be. This is the introduction of one of the greatest Jaegers in the world to the dome. Add in that her pilot is here and why wouldn’t I stop by? I figure I might even grab an interview. You know, the stars of Skyhold. Josephine signed off on it,” he said.

      “Josephine?” Ursa asked.

      “Josephine Montilyet. She’s our media coordinator. Anything you do outside the dome, she sets it up. If the Jaeger person had a PR department it would be Josephine who ran it,” Dorian said under his breath. 

      “Ah,” Ursa nodded. 

      “Josie signed off on you interviewing us all together?” Leliana asked, surprised. 

      “She must have thought it would be fun,” Dorian commented. 

      “Oh, I think it will be,” Varric said. Bull smirked as Cassandra shuddered. She was spared needing a response when Ursa bounced on her toes and then vaulted the railing without warning. They were only on the second floor but it was still a drop to the main floor. Bull snorted, startled, and they all rushed to the railing. Ursa was on the ground, crouched and catching her breath but otherwise fine. Across the bay, at the foot of the Jaeger, Sera the engineer cheered. Ursa stood, taking an extravagant bow, before sidling up to Fade. 

      “She’s going to get herself killed before she even gets in the damn thing,” Cullen muttered.

     “Interesting. Curly doesn’t like the new kid?” Varric asked.

     “She’s reckless,” they all chorused, causing Cullen to flush. 

     “She is,” he muttered. 

     “But she’s one of the best pilots in the world. Every dome had a bid in to get her. She chose here. She might rush in but she can back it up. She’s got the skills,” Varric said. They all looked at him in surprise as Ursa touched the heel of her Jaeger adoringly. She was speaking to Sera who nodded eagerly at whatever the woman was saying. 

      “What? I do my research,” Varric said with a shrug. 

      “Guys! Come down here, I want to show you my favorite part!” Ursa called up to them. 

      “I would love to know what her favorite part is,” Dorian said, heading for the stairs. 

     “I’m curious too,” Bull agreed. Cassandra rolled her eyes but followed, Leliana on her heels. Cullen groaned but he too made his way down to the main floor. 

     When they reached the ground Ursa was feeling around the heel of her Jaeger, her hands running along welded lines.

     “When I asked for girly they asked me what I meant. Since I was mostly kidding I told them lacy bra and heels. If I get sexualized it only seemed fair that my robot get it too. Then we could be angry about it together. Well, they came back and said they couldn’t do the bra but they did have this. It’s actually useful, believe it or not,” she said, showing them around to the back. 

     It took a moment for the group to see what she was touching. The seam was hidden in the paint, but it was there. Bull checked the mechanism, brow furrowed. 

     “Is this…?” he trailed off, not wanting to say it. Ursa beamed.

     “Yep!”

      “What is it?” Varric asked. 

     “Look at the line...something slides out here…” Cassandra murmured as Dorian began to snicker.

      “You either had the best engineers or the most insane,” he said. 

     “I don’t get it,” Cassandra said irritably. 

      “She has high heels,” Ursa said gleefully. 

     Cassandra stopped touching the Jaeger. “Your Jaeger has...heels?” she asked slowly, trying to process the information.

      “How come you got design choices?” Varric asked, “Don’t most pilots just get assigned a Jaeger?”

     “I’m the only single pilot in the world. They had to make one for me anyway. The last year at the academy they asked if I had any specifics. I really didn’t think they’d try to honor them. All the other Jaegers were just built in an assembly line, for the most part. But the heels are actually useful. They have blades in them. I kick them out and they can either keep me tethered to the ground or they can work as an extra claw to attack with. They’ve helped me before. They’re my favorite part. Fade is so pretty. She’s one of the best looking Jaegers ever made. But she has this brutal addition that no one sees unless I want them to. It’s like an actual heel on a lethal woman. Pretty on the outside, ready to hurt you if she needs to,” Ursa finished thoughtfully. She patted the thick metal and nodded to herself. She thanked Sera and waved to the shadowy figure behind the second leg, noticing Cole for the first time. Turning back to the others, she put her hands on her hips and nodded firmly. 

     “What do you think?” she asked.

     “I think it’ll be interesting to see you work,” Leliana said. 

     “Good. I think it will be, too. I might be somewhat new to this but I’m good. And now I’m hungry. Is lunch served yet?” Ursa asked, looking past them before wandering away. 

     Sera and Cole watched her go. “She’s...interesting,” Cole said. 

     “Grounded, but not,” Sera agreed. She patted the young man on the back and turned to the Jaeger. “We’ve got some tune ups to do.”

    “Yes. Topsy turvy,” Cole said sagely. He followed Sera until they were out of sight, leaving the pilots and Varric to look over Fade without scrutiny.

    “A Jaeger with high heels…” Leliana murmured. 

     “Anyone else think she’s a little unhinged?” Dorian asked. He didn’t make it sound like a bad thing.

     “Yes,” Cullen said, sounding vindicated.

    “Well, you’re all a little unhinged. It takes a special person to do what you do. And I don’t mean that in a prodigy kind of way. You’re all a special brand of crazy. She’s just more open about it,” Varric commented. 

     Cassandra began to mutter at him. Dorian groaned. “Come on, men. The bar is calling our names.”

     “Anywhere but here,” Bull said, watching Cassandra’s face turn ruddy as she sputtered at Varric. 

     Dorian and Cullen both nodded, easing away slowly from the ever more annoyed woman. 

 

     URSA sipped on her tea, looking up with interest when two women slid in across from her. Both were beautiful, one severely and one softer. One dark skinned with smoldering eyes and one lighter with a quirked up smile.

     “One of you is Josephine. Based on looks alone I’d say it’s you,” she said to the tan brunette. The woman smiled approvingly, her smile curving into something more real.

     “Yes. And how could you tell?” she asked. 

      “You’ve worked to look gentle. It’s all an act, of course, but it’s nice. It must fool all those guys you talk to daily, though,” Ursa said, sipping her tea. 

     “And I am?” the dark skinned woman with the dangerous eyes asked. 

     “I’m afraid I don’t know. I’m assuming you know me or you wouldn’t have sat down,” Ursa said. 

     The two women exchanged a glance. Josephine spoke first. “We’ve been wanting to meet you but we’ve both been too busy. I apologize for that. Blackwall is the worst at communication in the dome. It usually falls to me but with the loss of Hawke and Stroud and then your transfer, I’ve been buried under a pile of paperwork. We’ve had hundreds of requests to interview you. We’ve been asked why you haven’t gone out yet. When I pointed out that we haven’t been attacked, they just seemed confused. Logic has begun to escape everyone I speak to. It’s been...a long two weeks,” Josephine sighed. 

     “Jesus. Okay, then. I forgive you. I’m sorry about Hawke and Stroud, by the way. No one talks about them...but anytime we lose a set of pilots it hurts. Even those who haven’t met them,” Ursa said more softly. 

     The dark skinned woman leaned forward at the words. “I’m Vivienne Casey. Pilot trainer. I’ll admit I’m surprised I haven’t seen you in the gym yet, my dear.” 

      Ursa sighed. “I was waiting until Fade got here. It was a nice break.” 

      “Do pilots take a break?” Vivienne asked, her smile a bit too smooth to be real.

     Ursa snorted. “No. But then, we’re living on borrowed time, aren’t we? Plus our commanders never want to let us out. I’m gonna work on that, by the way. Wouldn’t people like to see us unbothered? Out on the town? Enjoying life without the Kaiju. I know we live for this shit but they don’t. It would be refreshing to be reminded that we’re human too.” 

     Josephine looked at her curiously. “That...is a good point. I’ll bring it up to Blackwall.”

     Ursa clicked her tongue. “Good. Now, my tea is gone and I didn’t sleep well. I’m gonna go sneak in a nap before big shit goes down. Ever notice it’s usually at night? Nice meeting you two. I’ll be back in training tomorrow. Sadly.” 

     Ursa stood and sauntered off. Josephine cocked her head slightly to watch her go. She savored the sway of the woman’s body and the natural curve of her waist as she moved. 

     “Interested?” Vivienne asked.

     “Maybe,” Josephine said thoughtfully. “But it’s not the time or place for that. She’s interesting, though. Smarter than she wants to let on.”

     “Aren’t we all, darling?” Vivienne asked, amused. Josephine inclined her head gracefully. 

     “I suppose we are. Come on. I have more paperwork to do,” she replied. 

 

     CULLEN groaned into his third beer. 

     “I am not being ridiculous,” he insisted. Bull laughed loudly as Dorian downed another shot easily. 

     “You weren’t at the start. Now you’re starting to sound it. Why so invested, Lion?” Dorian asked smoothly. 

      “I’m not invested in anything other than all of our wellbeings!” Cullen said earnestly.

     “Just ignore her,” Bull reasoned. “She isn’t running point and you’re not out in the water yet, anyway.”

     “Not yet? He’d need to take the test to get close to a Jaeger again,” Dorian snorted. 

      “I will!” Cullen said defensively. 

     “Right. When this is all over,” Dorian said.

     Cullen looked up, his eyes clear. Dorian shut up quickly. 

     “Right,” Bull cleared his throat, “Well I think I’ve had enough. I’m going to my room. Dorian?” 

     “Yes. Good,” Dorian said. They scampered away without another word, leaving Cullen to his thoughts. 

     He could have tested for compatibility after his sister died. He’d been deemed fit to go back to duty. He just hadn’t. Everytime he neared the testing floor he balked. The last time he’d been in one had been with her. He couldn’t see past her face, sweaty and determined, when he looked into the room. It made his head ache every time. So he hadn’t. He’d spent two years advising the very understanding Commander. Blackwall had named him a Captain, even though the title held little importance. Blackwall been accommodating. The longer he’d stayed out of the fight, the easier it became to be a part of the background. Everyone understood. He saw it on their faces. The pity for the one left behind. On his darkest days, Cullen wished he’d died with her. He looked into his beer with a heavy sigh. He’d lost his drive. He’d known that but seeing Ursa, so new and full of life, had been a bitter reminder. He knew he was right about her.. That she was too reckless, too dangerous to work alone but still, she reminded him of a bit of himself he hadn’t known that he wanted back. 

      With a groan, he stood. He ambled back to his room, only to find Ursa cursing at her door down the long hallway. She wore a pair of shorts with suspenders and a tight, low cut, tank top. Yet another outfit meant to make others turn and look. He shook his head, deciding to walk by and not engage when she turned to him.

     “Do all of these fucking doors stick?” she asked in frustration.

     “Yes,” he said without hesitation, “Throw your shoulder into it. It should open.”

     “That’s stupid. Just make them open normally,” she muttered, doing as he suggested. Still, it didn’t budge.

     “Did you unlock it?” he asked.

     She looked at him, eyebrows lifted. “Did I unlock my bedroom door before throwing myself against it? Yes. Yes, I did. Would you like to try?” 

     She gestured to the door widely. He stepped up, settled himself, and then threw his shoulder into the door. He felt a crack but the door didn’t move. He winced. 

     “Jesus, did you just break your shoulder? I heard that!” Ursa asked, her eyes going wide and hands going out to grab at him. He flinched away.

     “It’s fine. Why not just go to the common room for now? I’ll call down maintenance,” he said. 

     She groaned, letting her head fall against the thick, metal, door. “I just want to sleep,” she moaned. 

     “There’s a couch in there,” Cullen offered. He looked her over, appraisingly. She did look tired. Her eyes weren’t as bright as they’d been before and the dark circles had yet to recede. He sighed. She did need sleep. It was obvious. 

     “I’ll let you use my room,” he said, not knowing why he was offering. Her eyes widened comically far.

     “What?” she said dumbly.

     “You can sleep in my room. You look like crap. We need you strong and healthy when the next call comes in. So go sleep in my room. I’ll go to the common area,” he said, trying to fight the blush working its way up his face. He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. 

    “Um...I’m fine. I’ll just pass out on the couch in there. Maybe I can barricade the door,” she said, looking towards the hall. 

     Cullen groaned, feeling a spurt of annoyance. “Just use my room. You can even take the key in with you and lock it.”

     “I don’t think you’re going to attack me, Rutherford,” Ursa snapped back, “I just don’t want to lay in your man stink while I sleep!” 

     “Man stink?” Cullen couldn’t help but ask.

     “You know. Spices and dirt and just...man. I won’t be able to sleep. The couch is fine. Thanks, but no thanks,” she snapped. Turning on her heel she began to march away only to turn back a few steps later.

     “Get that shoulder looked at. Even lions don’t heal themselves,” she said. 

     He blinked, unable to retort before she’d gone too far down the hall. Rubbing his shoulder, he made a sound of disgust. 

     “Man stink,” he muttered before going into his room and slamming the door shut. 

 

     URSA groaned, collapsing on the couch in the common area. 

     “Idiot,” she muttered to herself. She’d been rude. Ruder than she’d meant to be. She was so tired, her mind an addled mess of the future mixed with the past. Her temples shot pain through her head at random intervals and when Cullen had found her, she’d been fighting with her door for four long minutes. She hadn’t meant to be so abrupt but his offer had knocked her off stride. Everyone at the academy talked about the Rutherford siblings. Beautiful, dynamic, strong, and cocky, they’d been the original face of the Jaeger program. Cullen and Rosalie’s faces plastered on billboards and magazines, making every young man and woman want to join up if only to have a chance to meet them. They’d done interviews on TV and had been featured in military videos for new recruits. Ursa had been in love with him. 

     Not for real, she knew that. But the idea of him had caused her to melt. There was no denying he was a good looking man. The scar on his lip, quoted to be from a hit during training, made women want to lick it and his notorious stuttering and nervous chatter was endearing. Meeting him had been both overwhelming and saddening for her. To see how far he’d fallen with the loss of his sister pained her. She teased him simply to watch the color rise in his cheeks. If he hated her it was okay. She just wished she could breathe life back into the man. It didn’t seem like anyone else was trying to and she knew how it could feel to be that lost. 

     Offering her his room however had thrown her. He was kind, chivalrous even, but she hadn’t been ready for that. He’d stood in front of her, imposing even in jeans and a T-shirt, and offered her his room. His space. She couldn’t say yes to that so instead she’d snapped at him and ran. She buried her face in the old pillow on the couch and screamed into it. 

     “He doesn’t see yet. But he will,” a soft voice spoke from the corner. Ursa yelped and flipped over. 

     “Cole! It’s Cole, right?” she asked, rubbing her head.

     “You’re in pain but so is he. You could help each other,” Cole said. 

     “I really don’t think we could,” Ursa said on a snort, “He’s uptight. For good reason, but still.”

     “You could remind him what life can feel like. Push him again. He needs that. He might just waste away without it,” Cole replied insistently. 

     “No offense, but I really don’t see how his problems or mine are any of your business. I really just want to sleep,” Ursa said gently. 

     Cole was a thin man with a young face and vulnerable eyes. She couldn’t yell at him. It would be like yelling at a puppy. He lifted clear blue eyes to meet her own green ones. 

     “No one notices but me. No one ever does. I see what others don’t. I only want to help,” he said.

     Ursa smiled at him softly. “I know, but it’s his business. Not mine or yours.”

     “But you were worrying about it. I could tell. You think you were rude to him. You were, but he still looked more alive than he has in over a year. You bring something out in him. In all of them. Something they’ve begun to forget. You can end this. With their help. With all our help, really. You just need to pay attention,” Cole insisted. 

     “Okay,” Ursa allowed, “But right now I just need to sleep. Can you go away? And close the door, please?” 

     Cole’s eyes swept over her. Ursa got the impression he was checking her for injury or pain. It was one of the few times since she’d gone to the academy that a man had looked her over with anything other than lust or anger. She smiled as her eyes slid shut. 

     “Thank you,” she murmured. Cole nodded as she slipped into sleep. Quietly, he closed the door and leaned against it, book in his hands. 

     For the first time in months, Ursa slept soundly. She dreamt of kind and watchful blue eyes guarding her in the dark. 

 

     “DIVINE team and Fade team to the launch deck. Divine and Fade to launch.”

     Ursa snapped awake at the alarm. She looked at her phone, marveling for a quick second that she had slept through the afternoon before bolting for the launch deck. When she got there Leliana and Cassandra were already waiting to load into their Jaeger. 

     “Blackwall wants us to see you fight. We’re running second to you,” Leliana said. 

     “Oh,” Ursa said, looking at them in surprise. “Okay.”

     “That’s what I said,” Cassandra said sourly. 

     “No, it’ll be good. It’s just a class 2, right?” Ursa asked, confirming as the platform lifted them to their Jaegers. 

     “Yes. A class 2 coming in off the coast,” Cassandra confirmed. “It’s headed straight for the land. We’re to intercept it. Kill it.”

     "So the usual. Okay. Let’s do this,” Ursa said, feeling the excitement settle into her veins. 

 

     “YOU’RE sending her out in front of them?” Cullen asked Blackwall in the control room.

     “I need to see how she does. I know we’ve all heard of her prowess on the field but I need to see it for myself. Assess how to use her now that she’s here,” Blackwall replied gruffly. 

     Cullen nodded slowly. “Well, alright then.” 

 

     URSA hated the suiting up part of the fight. It took the longest and it was the heaviest. She kicked off her shoes, knowing Cullen and Blackwall were watching, and stepped into the heavy boots. A ping notified her of the speaker turning on. 

     “Yes?” she called as she pushed down the suspenders, letting them dangle at her side. 

     “No shoes?” Blackwall asked. She could have sworn she heard Cullen grumbling behind him.

     “I was a dance major, sir. Being barefoot grounds me. No one had an issue back in Japan,” she replied with a grin. 

     “And the suspenders?” he asked. 

     “They’re tight. I need to be able to move,” she said. She held out her arms as the rest of her suit was applied to her body. She felt them lock her in and took a deep breath, taking her helmet from them engineer. “It’s time to party, boys. No more time for talk. Divine, can you hear me?” 

     “We hear you, Fade. Ready to head out?” Leliana asked. Ursa nodded, pulling her helmet on. 

     “Drift away, ladies. I’ll be out in front,” Ursa said, flexing her arms and feeling Fade warm into life around her. The vibrations of the machine were comforting as they traveled up the soles of her feet. She began to walk, the gears on her legs lighter than those on co-piloted Jaegers. Fade could break into a run faster than other Jaegers but Ursa waited. Her radar showed the Kaiju ahead and she wanted Divine at her back when she reached it. 

     “We’re on your tail. You’re good to go,” Cassandra’s voice said into her helmet. 

     Ursa confirmed, biting her tongue. “Okay baby,” she muttered to Fade, “Let’s show them how it’s done.” 

     She began to push forward, the muscles in her legs working hard to get her moving. Fade broke into a run and she gave out a cry of joy and adrenaline. The Kaiju was coming up fast. She was going to meet it halfway. 

 

     “SHE’S running at it...that’s going to get her killed,” Cullen muttered. 

     “Oh this is good,” Varric said to himself, typing quickly. 

     “We’ll see how it goes,” Blackwall said, his eyes never leaving the monitors. 

     “We sure will,” Varric said brightly. Cullen only sighed. 

 

     URSA leapt, pushing Fade into the air just as the Kaiju erupted from the waves. They met in midair, the alien with a roar and Ursa with a war cry. Twisting, Ursa landed easily, anchoring herself to the bottom of the sea as the Kaiju thrashed. 

     “You’ll get yourself killed!” Cassandra called but Ursa only laughed. She punched the creature in the face, loading the gun in Fade’s chest as she knocked the monster back. 

     “What a way to go, though,” she said breathlessly. The Kaiju stumbled under another hit, rattled as she shot lazer shots from her Jaeger’s chest and into its arm. The Kaiju shook its head, enraged.

     “Come on. Come get me,” Ursa taunted. 

     It tried, rearing up once more to slash at her. She moved, catching the blow and twisting its arm until it screamed. She hit into its eye, causing it to yell and shake its head as blue blood seeped down its face. It continued in this fashion, the alien evenly matched with Ursa and her Jaeger, until the Kaiju changed tactics. It turned, its one good eye that was still in use catching sight of the Divine. It threw itself forward into the unsuspecting Jaeger. Cassandra and Leliana didn’t have time to react. It’s first hit took out the reactor core, causing the Divine to stumble and then fall to its knees. Ursa screamed.

     “No! Motherfucker!” 

     She moved as quickly as she could, getting in between the alien and the machine. She didn’t think about it, just dove. The Kaiju screamed again. 

     “You two alive in there?” she asked, wincing as renewed energy came to the monster and it slashed across her arm. She reached up to catch the next hit, hoping she would get a response.

    “We’re fine. We’re getting into the evacuation pods. Keep it distracted if you can,” Leliana said, her voice shaking slightly. 

     “I’ll try,” Ursa said. She turned back in time to see the Kaiju launch once more at the Divine. She stuck out her leg to catch it, her arm still holding its head. Pain shot up her sensors as Fade’s leg cracked and snapped. 

     “Fuck!” she yelled, tears leaking from her eyes at the pain. She brought her other arm up, the effort to move costing her energy. 

     “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered. There was a blade in her right arm. She’d never had to use it. She wasn’t even sure she knew how. But the Kaiju had turned to her now and she knew she was dead if she didn’t try something. She tapped on her screen, hoping the weapon would load fast enough. 

     “We’re out! Get out of there!” Cassandra called. It was too late. The Kaiju was rearing back to move at her. Ursa called up the blade and with a final curse, drove it upward as the alien attacked. There was a flash and then pain fired up her arm as well. She began to sob, dropping to her knees and then to the side. She shook in her holds as Fade hit the ocean floor loudly. She was trapped in the control room of Fade as the water sloshed around her. Fade was damaged and she couldn’t move. She couldn’t climb her way to her evacuation pod. She hoped the Kaiju was dead or there would be no way to get her out. 

     “Fuck,” she muttered before the world went black. 

 

     “IS she alive?” Cullen shouted as he ran for the Jaeger hanger. 

     “She is but she has nerve damage in her left leg and right arm. Son of a bitch did a number on her,” the resident professor and doctor said as he pushed the gurney forward. 

     “Solas,” Cassandra asked, keeping her voice hard for fear of crying, “Will she be okay?”

     “Oh she’ll live. She’ll even fight again. I just need to get in there and fix it. If you would all move…” the doctor said irritably. 

     They all stepped out of the way, watching as Ursa was rushed away.

     “She stepped in front of the attack meant for us. It broke the damn Jaeger’s leg nearly in half and she stayed there,” Cassandra said numbly. 

     “Reckless,” Cullen said but he was clearly shaken. 

    “Maybe. But she saved our lives,” Leliana said softly. She ran her fingers through her hair. “It took out our reactor. We couldn’t have fought back.” 

     They watched her be rolled away, her left arm rolling off the gurney as it went. Cullen looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. 

     “Idiot,” he hissed to himself before stalking off. 

     Cassandra watched him go, noting his reaction for when she wasn’t in such shock. 

     “She did save us, didn’t she?” she asked shakily. 

     Leliana put her arm around Cassandra’s shoulders. “She did. Let’s get a drink.” 

 

     DORIAN and Bull watched the recording, both stunned. First by the fluid motions that Ursa used to fight. She made it look effortless. And then, by the Kaiju’s change in direction and by Ursa’s immediate reaction. She dove in front of the Divine, giving them the time they needed to get out. Watching the Fade be broken was painful to watch. When it finally fell to the side, the Kaiju dead beside it, Bull shut off the TV.

     “She’s going to live,” he reminded himself.

     “She’s barely even harmed. Just some nerve damage. Solas says it’s easy to fix if he gets it early,” Dorian said, reassuring them both. 

     “She protected them without a second thought. She is truly exceptional,” Bull said. 

     Dorian nudged his co-pilot’s arm. “Looks like we’re on duty for the foreseeable future,” he said. 

     Bull snorted. “Fine by me.” 

 

     URSA woke up slowly, groaning as the pain lanced through her body. 

     “I take it you’ve felt better,” Cullen said from beside her bed. She rolled her head to look at him, glaring balefully.

     “What on earth gave you that idea?” she asked dryly. 

     “Crashing into the sea and causing a near tidal wave is a good indication,” he replied quickly, his eyes flashing to life at her challenging tone.

     She tried to sit up, letting him help her when she struggled. “Tidal wave? I didn’t hurt anyone, did I?” she asked. 

     “No,” he said, “No, you protected the coast. And Leliana and Cassandra. No one died. Everything’s fine.”

     “Oh,” she said, relaxing. “Good.”

     “You’re an idiot, but you’re going to be fine too,” he added.

     She glared. “Excuse me?”

     “You dove in front of an attacking Kaiju and kept fighting even when it nearly broke your leg. It could have been so much worse,” he said. 

     The light in his eyes was dimming, giving away to something colder. She nearly shivered under it. 

     “I’m not dead,” she said softer than she’d planned. “I’m fine. I’m pretty sure I’m going to continue being fine. It could have been worse, but it wasn’t.”

     He looked down, a frown on his face. 

     “Why are you here, anyway?” she asked. 

     “Blackwall wanted me to tell you. You test for Drift compatibility when you’re up and feeling better.”

     “Wait, what?” she nearly shouted. He stood. 

     “Fade is broken. They can’t fix her yet. We have Ferelden Fire and Grey Warden in the secondary bay but you’ll need a co-pilot. We need you out there fighting. I’m afraid it’s time for you to team up.”

     “Over my dead body!” she shouted after him as he walked away.

     “It nearly was,” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair roughly. 

     Ursa fell back into her bed with a frustrated shriek. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa is tested for Drift compatibility with some new recruits. She spars with Cullen. Bull, Dorian, Josie, Cullen, and Ursa go out dancing. Ursa's partner is chosen

Chapter 3

 

     URSA stood in the center of the sparring ring, toe tapping in irritation. There was a long line of of new recruits waiting to spar with her but she was glaring at Blackwall. 

     “I don’t need to do this!” she said for the fifth time since she’d walked into the room.

     “You do. You’ve proved yourself as one of our best pilots. We can’t have you out of the game while your Jaeger is fixed. So this is the only option. Please, stand ready,” Blackwall said stiffly. 

     Ursa crossed her arms. She wore a tight tank top and work out shorts, every muscle in her legs tightening as she shifted her weight. She ignored the recruit’s hungry eyes on her, keeping her gaze locked with Blackwall’s.

     “I’m doing this under protest,” she said. 

     “As long as you do it,” Blackwall said. “Now. Begin.” 

 

     TWO hours later even Blackwall was scowling. Ursa stood in the center of the ring, sweat dripping down her face accompanied by a sour frown. 

     “You’re sabotaging this,” he accused.

     “I am not! They just don’t fit. They’re all too...weak,” she snapped back. 

     Ten recruits. Ten young men and women slammed into the mat without landing a single blow. None of them had been able to touch her. She’d been ruthless in her attacks. She knew what they taught at the academy. She’d been trained just the same as they were. It wasn’t her fault if they couldn’t keep up.

     Compatibility was a dance. A sparring match showed if the two were equal. It didn’t mean they had to be the same size or strength, just that one didn’t dominate the other in the ring. Any match from there would go on to a brain mapping test before the full test in the Jaeger. So far, none of the recruits had matched. She’d sent them all limping away, despite a twinge still in her wrist from the nerve damage. 

     “What do you want, then?” Blackwall asked. 

     “I would love to not have to do this at all,” Ursa replied snidely.

     “And I’ve stated that’s not an option. What should I look for, if not the best in my newest recruits?” Blackwall asked. 

     “Stop sending me new recruits. Give me someone who knows their shit. These are just kids. None of them know how to move,” Ursa said. 

     Blackwall nodded firmly. “Fine. Go. We’ll try this again tomorrow.”

 

     “IT’S been three weeks and she still hasn’t found a partner,” Dorian said as they sat down for dinner. The hall was particularly loud this night and he had to raise his voice to be heard. Bull nodded, sucking down his water and pouring himself more as Ursa approached. 

     “Maybe I just have high standards,” Ursa retorted as she dropped into the seat across from Dorian. Dorian flushed. Leliana was to her right with Cassandra across from her and Cullen hadn’t arrived yet. The only space would be beside Ursa. She didn’t seem to think about it as she stole grapes off of Bull’s plate.

     “Hey!” the man protested, pulling his plate away.

     “Anyway, they’re sending new recruits. They just don’t work. They’re too...green. They run at me, way too eager to show off. It’s easy to toss them down. There’s no connection. They’re just trying to prove themselves,” Ursa scoffed. She picked up her fork and began to dig into her chicken.

     “Thought you didn’t know what a good Drift felt like,” Dorian said smugly. 

     “I don’t but I do know what I think it should be and it wasn’t that. They didn’t even know to ground their feet,” she said, shifting closer to Leliana as Cullen approached the table. 

     Cullen sat carefully, his tray clicking on Ursa’s as he put it down. “Could you move over?” he asked.

     “And sit in Leliana’s lap? I might be wrong but I think that would be an invasion of her space,” Ursa replied. 

     Cullen sighed, his leg sliding along Ursa’s as he shifted in the seat. He winced. 

     “Okay, I’m not the swamp thing. Stop making that face. It’s not like you’re going to get some incurable disease by touching me,” she snorted. 

     “I’m trying to be polite,” he said through gritted teeth. 

     She batted her eyelashes up at him. “Are you? I hadn’t noticed.” 

     Dorian snorted. 

     “Now, now children, play nice,” Leliana chided. 

     Ursa went back to eating, wincing and stretching mid way through her meal.

     “Nerve pain?” Cassandra asked worriedly. 

     “No. I went and worked out with Viv. That woman is not human, I swear to god,” Ursa groaned. 

     “You worked out with Vivienne after testing with all those recruits?” Cullen asked in surprise. 

     “Please. They weren’t much of a workout. This program will take anyone eager enough to jump into the ring. Doesn’t mean they’re any good,” Ursa replied. 

     Cullen had told Blackwall the same thing when he’d looked over the list. He hadn’t thought any of them would be able to keep up with her. He wasn’t about to admit that, though. Instead he scoffed and turned to his dinner. Ursa rolled her eyes but didn’t rise to the bait. 

     Cassandra looked between the two, eyebrows raised. Leliana bumped their shoulders, a sign that they’d talk later. Cassandra nodded and dug into her food. She didn’t miss Dorian smirking at Bull or the way Cullen kept pulling his plate closer to himself, his elbow tucked tightly into his side. There was something brewing there. 

 

     BLACKWALL looked at the list of pilots who he could test with Ursa. Taking a deep breath, he circled one name, knowing the man wouldn’t be happy about it but Blackwall had a hunch. 

     “If I’m wrong, I’m wrong,” he muttered before leaving it on his desk and going to bed. 

 

     URSA found her way to the bar for the first time that night. She slid onto a bar stool next to Bull, letting her head thunk against the counter.

     “Oh, don’t do that,” Dorian said, “They don’t clean this thing well.”

     “I don’t  _ want  _ a co-pilot,” she moaned. 

     Bull patted her back roughly. “Have a drink,” he said. 

     Across the room, Josephine sat with Cassandra and Cullen. They were sharing a pitcher of beer and discussing options for Ursa when she’d fallen onto the stool. Now they all watched, knowing she hadn’t noticed them yet.

     “I don’t drink,” she muttered to Bull.

     “I’m sorry, I don’t think we heard you correctly,” Dorian said crisply, “It sounded like you said you don’t drink.”

     She lifted her head, pushing her hair back before sitting up. “I don’t.”

     Bull snorted. “Anything?”

     “Nothing alcoholic, no. I’m pretty sure I’d die without some form of liquid,” she said with a snarky smile. 

     “How do you not…?” Dorian asked, sounding truly bewildered. Even the three that were watching were surprised.

     Ursa shrugged. “I couldn’t legally when this all went down. Then I just...didn’t. I was training. I didn’t need that. I wanted to be sharp. No point killing off brain cells.”

     “You do this for a living and you don’t think you need to kill off some brain cells sometimes?” Bull asked incredulously. 

     Ursa laughed. “There’s lots of things I haven’t done. No time. Not really. Or no want. I guess it’s a little bit of both. Who needs booze when I can have fun without it? I don’t like feeling out of control.”

     ‘Now that I’m not surprised by. You don’t want co-pilot in a Jaeger, of course you don’t like being out of control. Which is a pity. It can be such fun,” Dorian teased. 

     “Maybe, but I’d rather feel every moment. I don’t want it to be...reckless. I want the kind of wild, out of control, life that I can feel every second of. Who needs alcohol when I can just...live?” she asked, her eyes bright with the thought. 

     Dorian and Bull stilled, looking carefully at the young woman in front of them. Behind them, Josephine bit her lip and pushed her beer away from her. 

     “You’re a little reckless already,” Cullen said loud enough for her to hear, causing her to stiffen and turn on her stool.

     “And all that’s without alcohol. Now imagine me drinking,” she said. He blinked. “Exactly,” she said. 

     “I don’t need a drink. I need to not be looking for a co-pilot,” she said, turning back to Dorian and Bull. 

     “You need one,” Dorian said reasonably, “We do need you fighting. I watched the recording from your fight. It was...beautiful. Until it wasn’t, but that wasn’t your fault.” 

     “I will be honored to fight beside you,” Bull offered. 

     Ursa touched his arm with a small smile, her fingers lingering on his wrist. “Thanks. I just want to do it my way.”

     Josephine stood and sauntered to the bar. She shooed away the man sitting to Ursa’s right and pulled herself up. Her blouse and slacks stood out in the bar full of engineers and machinists but she seemed unperturbed. 

     “Is there something you don’t want someone to see?” she asked nicely. 

     Ursa looked startled. “What? No. I just don’t want anyone in my head. My life is my own. I don’t need some voyeur in there too.”  

     “That’s not how the Drift works,” Cassandra said, shaking her head. She stood too and headed for the bar, leaving Cullen alone with their pitcher. He groaned but they ignored him. 

     “And how does it work?” Ursa asked.

     “It’s a give and take. They see your memories. Your mind as a whole. You’ll be able to work together but when you step out of the Drift all you have is what you shared then. They might know you better but they aren’t watching all your thoughts,” Cassandra explained. 

     Ursa wrinkled her nose. “Fine. I’m not going to like it, but I’ll do it. Not like I had much of a choice in the matter, but still.”

     Bull clapped her on the back, causing her breath to hitch. Josephine laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. Dorian began to scold Bull for being too rough while Cassandra groaned in disgust at Bull’s teasing response. Cullen watched the group from afar, wondering if he would ever stop feeling so detached. Tossing a bill onto the table, he stood. They didn’t even notice him leave. 

 

     THE next afternoon, Ursa waited for her summons from Blackwall. She started out pacing in her room but gave up after a half hour. She put on her workout gear, a sports bra and tight, short, workout shorts, before heading to the gym. There was a small sparring ring and she tucked headphones into her ears, rolling her shoulders and bopping her head to the beat as she entered it. She began stretching and then dancing to release her energy. Time slowed as she moved, her body the center of her concentration. She startled when she noticed Cullen leaning on the ropes of the ring. She pulled one headphone out.

     “Don’t  _ do  _ that!” she gasped. 

     “Do what? I called your name,” he said defensively. 

     “You scared the crap outa’ me. Jesus,” she said, putting her hand to her chest. 

     “Don’t be so dramatic,” he scoffed. 

     “Did Blackwall send you?” she asked. He shook his head.

     “I just came down here to work out,” he said. 

     “Oh. Well. Want to spar with me? I feel like hitting something and you’re here,” she asked.

     “Tempting. No,” he replied.

     “Why not?” she asked, her hands on her hips. He studied her. She was thin but healthy, her muscles obvious when she moved. She had a light shimmer of sweat on her skin and her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail so her could see her whole face. He’d seen the tattoo on her back when she’d spun, noticing it was the top of a tree that disappeared into her shorts. He wanted to ask what made a tramp stamp what it was because the tree was higher up her back than he’d consider inappropriate but her scowl told him it wasn’t the time.

     “I don’t want you whining when I kick your ass,” he explained. 

     “Please. I could beat you with one hand behind my back,” she snorted. 

     “Too bad you won’t be able to prove it,” he said, turning away from the ring.

     “You scared, Rutherford? Think a little girl might knock you on your ass?” she taunted. He shook his head and kept walking. 

     “Or do you think you’ll really hurt me? Please. What have I told you? I can take care of myself. Come on. Prove yourself. Show me you’re not just another pretty face,” she said to his back. He turned to glare at her.

     She was grinning, leaning easily on the ropes of the ring, a challenge in her eyes. Without thought, his own determination rose to meet it. 

     “Fine,” he said. She stepped back, making a “come at me” motion with her hands. “When I win, you’ll drop it,” he said. 

     “Of course,” she said. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, bouncing a little to warm up his legs. He’d worn his own workout gear. A pair of lightweight pants and a white tank top, nothing as revealing as her clothes. He tried to keep his eyes on her face. She showed skin every day and he refused to be like the other men around her who watched when she moved. She smiled widely as if noticing his resolute concentration. Settling into a loose stance, she waited. 

     He made the first move and was mildly surprised when she moved out of the way easily. He tried again. Once again she moved. 

     “You going to run away the whole time?” he asked. 

     She swung at him, barely missing as he stumbled back. “No,” she said cheekily. “Are you?” 

     He set his jaw and moved more deliberately. He no longer worried about staring at her body. He was too focused on beating her. Neither of them noticed Cassandra coming into the room. She stopped to watch, texting Leliana when it became apparent that Ursa and Cullen were well matched. 

     After a few minutes they stopped by mutual agreement. 

     “Seems like we’re even,” she said grudgingly.

     “Best two out of three,” Cullen said. 

     “You’re on.” 

 

     OVER an hour later there was a crowd and they’d each won once. They’d agreed that every other match had been even, both annoyed that they hadn’t claimed a true win. They tuned out the cheers and jeers, paying attention only to their bodies moving. They didn’t notice Blackwall watching quietly at the back. They wouldn’t have cared. They were both so focused on winning, it no longer mattered who saw. 

     “10th match. Still think I’ll end up on my ass?” Ursa asked, panting slightly. 

     Cullen didn’t respond. He lashed out. She ducked. He groaned in frustration. “I’m calling it. We’re evenly matched.”

     She stopped, leaning forward with her hands on her knees. “Good,” she puffed, “I was getting tired.”

     Cullen held out his hand. She took it, surprise written on her face. 

     “You’re good,” he said grudgingly.

     “Thanks. You are, too,” she replied. 

     He nodded awkwardly, releasing her hand a moment later than was necessary. As he started for the ropes, those watching scattered. Blackwall had melted back into the hall when he’d realized they finished. Soon the room emptied, leaving Ursa alone in the gym. She picked up her Ipod with a thoughtful hum. Shaking out her limbs, she started the slow walk to her room. 

 

     “THEY’LL be upset,” Josephine said when Blackwall told her his choice.

     “They’re both soldiers. They’ll get over it,” he said.

     “Don’t be so sure,” Vivienne murmured.

     “It will be...interesting. That’s for sure,” Josephine said dubiously. 

     “They’re best suited to one another even if they don’t see it,” Blackwall said firmly. 

     “We’re not arguing. I just don’t think they’ll see it right away. You might be in the middle of some very big tantrums,” Josephine warned. 

     “As long as they do their jobs, I don’t care,” Blackwall said curtly.

     “Alright then. Who gets to tell them?” Josephine asked. When the silence settled she sighed deeply. 

     “They’re going to hate me,” she said morosely. 

 

     IT was right before dinner. Josephine called them both to her office, a pained expression on her face. 

     “Did someone die?” Ursa asked immediately. Josephine shook her head. 

     “Josie?” Cullen said curiously.

     “Blackwall has chosen to pair you. To Drift. You’ll start the rest of the trials tomorrow. Together,” she blurted.

     Ursa looked stunned. “I’m sorry, what?” she asked. 

     “That can’t be. We’re the least compatible people here,” Cullen argued. 

     “You are evenly matched in a fight. You know that compatibility is not all based on outside personality. I really am very...sorry. You’ll meet with him at 0900 tomorrow. He’s gone to bed and he’s ordered us not to bother him so please save any grievances for then,” Josephine said. 

     Ursa’s mouth worked but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say. Cullen shared her stunned expression. Josephine shooed them with her hand. 

     “Go sleep on it. Maybe you’ll find this to be a...learning...experience,” she tried. Ursa huffed and stomped from the room. Cullen waited until her footsteps were far down the hall to follow suit. When they were gone, Josephine slumped back, rubbing her head with her hand. “God help us,” she muttered. 

 

     “THEY paired me with her!” Cullen ranted. He was pacing in front of Cassandra and Leliana, both of whom watched with amusement.

     “What did you think would happen after that sparring match?” Cassandra asked, crossing her arms. 

     “It was just a workout,” Cullen muttered. 

     “It might have started that way but after 10 rounds there was no other way it would end. You two were so evenly matched it was nearly uncanny. Even Leiliana and I beat each other more than once when we tested. Once Blackwall saw you two there was no way around it,” Cassandra said.

     “Blackwall was there?” Cullen asked.

     “Of course. Half the dome was. No one would want to miss the Lion and the Queen going head to head. Then you two couldn’t gain footing with one another. It was...interesting,” Leliana said serenely. 

     “That doesn’t mean anything,” Cullen said knowing full well that it did. 

     Cassandra stared at him until he sighed heavily. 

     “I don’t want her in my head. And I don’t want to be in hers,” he confessed.

     “And why not?” Cassandra prompted. 

     Cullen thought it over. He bit his lip, worrying at the scar with his tongue. She was a force of nature. She jumped into danger without a second thought. She was reckless, as he’d said so many times. She lived life fiercely and didn’t flinch. If she saw the broken bits of him she would pity him. He couldn’t have that. Pity would be the last straw. 

     “She reminds me of Rosalie,” he said softly. 

     Cassandra stood at that, pulling him into a hug. “She isn’t your sister. She isn’t going to die, not with you there to help her. You can do this. You have to do this,” she murmured.

     He leaned away from the hug just as he’d leaned away from all physical touch since Rosalie had died. It made Cassandra ache inside to see it but she released him. 

     “I’ll do it because I have to,” he said. 

     “That can be enough for now,” Leliana said gently. Cassandra nodded. 

 

     URSA couldn’t sleep. The next day she would begin Drift compatibility testing. With Cullen Rutherford. She picked up her phone and flipped through her contacts. None of her friends from the academy would believe it and she wasn’t actually sure she wanted to talk to them about it. She’d never been that close to the people she called friends. She groaned. Leaning over the edge of her bed, she looked at the only picture on her nightstand. It was of two young boys and an older woman with an older man. Her family. She tapped the boy’s faces. 

     “You loved him. I bet you wouldn’t recognize him now,” she murmured. 

     It scared her to think of someone else in her mind. She’d kept her past hidden. Everything truly personal about her was laughed off, pushed away. She liked it that way. She was the center of attention everywhere she went and she enjoyed it as long as it didn’t sink deeper than her skin. Letting Cullen into her head was going to be problematic. But she had to do. She’d signed on for this. She had to do what Blackwall asked of her. 

     “What would you two do?” she asked the picture. The silence is what hurt most, she decided. Rolling onto her stomach she sighed. 

     “Fuck it,” she said and stood. She was going out, even if Blackwall disapproved. 

 

     “I think it’s a good idea,” Blackwall said when Ursa approached him and Josephine. 

     “You do?” Josephine asked in surprise.

     “Yes. Take whoever you wish, though please leave one set of pilots here,” he said. 

     Ursa squinted at him. “Is this to appease me for this Drift shit?”

     “Would it work?” he asked.

     “For now,” she murmured.

     “Then it doesn’t matter, does it? Josephine, why don’t you go with them. I know you like to observe,” he said.

     “Well...I...oh alright. I have to change,” Josephine said, her tone shifting to excitement as she thought about it. 

     “Me too. Thanks, Commander,” Ursa said, clapping Blackwall on the shoulder. 

     He nodded. “Now go away. And don’t do anything too stupid.” 

     “I won’t make any promises,” she joked. “Josie, meet us at the front doors in an hour.”

     Josephine nodded, rushing from the room, a skip to her step. Ursa laughed and followed, closing the door behind her. She poked her head back in after a moment, causing Blackwall to look up from his desk.

     “Don’t think I don’t know that this is partially for you to pick her brain about us later,” she said. 

     “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied. She grinned and closed the door once more. He chuckled at his desk, shaking his head. 

 

     “COME on, we’re going out,” Ursa said, bursting into the common area. Cassandra looked up from her game of chess with Cullen.

     “We don’t-”

     “Yeah, yeah. I know. I asked. He said I could take whoever I wanted. But, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to them,” she said, gesturing to Dorian and Bull and then Cullen. 

     “Me?” Cullen asked incredulously, “Why?”

     “Because I’ve never gone out with an entourage of beautiful men and it’s on my bucket list. Josie’s coming to. Look alive, guys. It’s our one night reprieve. Let’s not squander it,” she winked. 

     Dorian popped off the couch, dropping his book. “I am, frankly, all for it. Come on, Bull. Let’s change.”

     “Can I come?” Varric asked. Ursa turned to see him at a mismatched desk set, laptop open. She shrugged.

     “Sure. Adds to my squad. But, I get to okay whatever you want to write about me,” she said.

     “Deal,” Varric said. 

     “Ursa,” Cassandra started but Ursa shook her head.

     “I’m leaving you guys here. You have Grey Warden or whatever. You’ll be fine. If you need us, Josie will be there. We’ll all be fine. I refuse to believe the world will end if we go out for one night. It’s only 8. Let me be young again for like a minute,” she said. 

     Cassandra settled back in her seat. “Fine,” she said through pursed lips. “Cullen, go with them.”

     “But-” he started, his friend cutting him off.

     “You won’t let them get into trouble. Go with them,” she said more firmly. Cullen groaned. 

     Ursa leaned forward, resting her arms on the table the chess set was on, so she was nearly nose to nose with Cullen. His eyes sparked and she grinned.

     “It’ll be fun,” she taunted, “I’ll be a good girl, I promise.” 

     His eyes flashed and his cheeks began to flush a deep red. She laughed, pushing back. 

     “So easy, Rutherford. At least try to make it a challenge.” 

     She let her hips sway as she sauntered from the room. “Front door in an hour.” 

     When she was gone. Cullen glared at Cassandra. His friend looked unperturbed. 

     “You’ll keep her safe,” she said.

     “You think she’s too foolish to do that herself?” he asked. 

     “No, but I think you’ll worry about it all night if you don’t see it for yourself. I’d rather not deal with you all night while you wait it out. Go change. You can’t go out in that,” she said, gesturing to his loose high school T-shirt and sweatpants. He stood, grumbling.

     “This doesn’t mean you won,” he said.

     Cassandra gave him a small smile. “We’ll see.” 

 

     BY the time they were all gathered, Ursa could feel her need to move itching under her skin. 

     “I found a few places we could try. Some are bars, some clubs. I didn’t know which we’d want,” Josephine said, fiddling with her phone under the eyes of the group.

     “Club like bar,” Ursa said firmly. “They’ll drink, and I’ll dance.” 

     “Yes, I’d heard you don’t drink,” Varric said avidly.

     “I promise there isn’t a story there. I just don’t,” Ursa said dismissively. 

     “Wasn’t saying there was, kid,” Varric chuckled. 

     “Well, I for one, want to drink something other than stale beer. Please, Ms. Montilyet, lead the way,” Dorian said. Josephine nodded, gesturing for them to follow her. Blackwall had lent them a car and they all piled in, Cullen somehow pressed to Ursa’s side. 

     “I covered my stomach for you, Rutherford,” she said when he tried to shift his leg away from hers, “Don’t go telling me I need to wear pants now.” 

     “I never said- no. Nevermind,” he said shortly, turning to Dorian who was on his left. “Say something. Anything.”

     “I, for one, enjoy watching you walk away Ms. Lavellan,” he said, causing Cullen to groan. 

     “Thank you,” Ursa said, sounding pleased. 

     “Me too,” Bull added. “It’s also nice to watch you enter.” 

     “Oh you guys are flattering me. Keep doing it, please,” she joked. 

     Cullen leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes. “God save me,” he groaned. 

     “Oh don’t be so dramatic,” Ursa scoffed. “No one’s making you say something nice.” 

     Cullen opened his right eye to look at her. “I am always polite.”

     “Polite isn’t nice and you know it,” Ursa retorted. “But anyway, this was my first party outfit ever. I figured it would be good to wear. What do you think?” 

     Dorian made noises of appreciation while Cullen tried not to look down the scoop neck of the halter dress. 

     “Good. My friend’s said it was slutty but it’s really only slutty if you act on it, right?” she asked, her gaze drifting to Cullen every few words. 

     Varric watched them all with interest while Josephine giggled. 

     “It’s just advertising if you don’t use it,” Dorian assured her. Ursa smiled. 

     “Good. I do love to advertise. I think I do a pretty good job,” Ursa said, this time deliberately letting her knee touch Cullen’s.

     “Are we there yet?” he asked desperately. 

     Ursa laughed and shifted away from him. “Stop making it so easy,” she teased. She looked around the car, taking note of everyone else before leaning in closer. He flinched away but she only whispered close to his ear. “If it really bothers you, I’ll stop.”

     He looked startled. “Oh...ummm…”

     She rolled her eyes. “Think about it, Rutherford. That’s all. The minute you say it, I’ll do it.” 

     “Oh! Do what?” Dorian asked, tuning in to her last comment. Ursa snuck a look at Cullen, her lips curving upward in a devilish grin.

     “Anything he asks, of course,” she purred. 

     Cullen stayed red for the rest of the ride. 

 

     THE place Josephine had chosen wasn’t half bad. The tables were clean, the dance floor wide, and the lighting just enough to make it not feel like a club. The men immediately found a table but Ursa couldn’t sit. She wanted to dance. She said so, her words turning into a whine. 

     “I will dance after I drink,” Dorian declared. 

     Ursa pouted. 

     “Anyone?” she asked.

     They all declined, leaving her to shift her weight in her heels restlessly. Cullen stiffened when a man approached them.

     “Excuse me,” he said so Ursa turned, a smile gracing her face.

     “Yes?”

     “You’re a dancer, are you not?” he asked, gesturing to her legs. She smiled wider.

     “Why yes, I am,” she said. 

     “We don’t see many of your kind anymore anywhere. Would you do me the honor of a dance?” he asked. Cullen opened his mouth but Ursa beat him to it.

     “Why yes, I would. None of my friends will dance with me. It’s like you read my mind.”

     The man smiled back. It was a nice smile. Cullen wanted to punch it. 

     “My mother taught me to salsa. It’s a lost art. You don’t happen to know it?” he asked, offering his arm.

     Ursa too it, her fire red dress a beacon on the otherwise sparsely populated dance floor. 

     “I took a class in college. I’m a bit rusty, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” she replied. She winked at the table as the man led her away. 

     The man waved at the DJ who set a song. Ursa’s face lit up as his arm slid around her waist. He led her effortlessly. They turned fluidly, his arm tightening around her waist and pulling her close. She laughed when he spun her outward and then back into     him. She shimmied her shoulders to the song, feet moving in a complicated pattern that he copied. He released her but stayed close, their arms moving in the same motions. She smiled at her friends, waving before turning back to the man, hands going into his hair. 

     People had begun to take notice. Cullen could hear the whispers. Her name, her profession, thoughts on her movements. The surprise that a Jaeger pilot could dance like she did. He sat stiffly as she lifted her leg onto the man’s hip. He bent her backward, her throat a graceful arc in the dim lighting. Somewhere, a woman cheered. They continued to move around the floor, by now the only ones dancing. He pulled her back tight to his front, rolling their hips together as the song began to fade. For a moment, they stayed in that pose, then Josephine began to clap. 

     Ursa blushed but grinned, turning to thank the man and then bowing to the crowd. She skipped back to the table. 

     “You shouldn’t have done that. You don’t know him,” Cullen said. 

     “Were you going to dance with me?” she demanded. 

     “Well...no,” he said, flustered.

     “Than I don’t think your opinion matters. Besides, he was good. If he asks, I’ll do some more. I forgot how good it feels to move like that,” she gushed.  

     “You were really a dance major?” Varric asked.

     Ursa sat, crossing her legs primly. “Yeah,” she said, “Dance major, lit minor. Clearly, I was an idiot but whatever. The world changed and I never had to finish paying. Did anyone order yet? I need a Coke.”

     “We ordered a pitcher. I’ll go get it for you,” Bull offered. Ursa shook her head and stood. 

     “Nah, I’ll do it. I feel like moving,” she said with a grin. As she walked across the room to the bar, everyone’s eyes were on her.

     “They know who she is. How long until we’re swamped by people?” Varric asked quietly. 

     “It shouldn’t be too bad. They know the dome is here,” Josephine shrugged.

     “They also know we never go out. She’s too noticeable,” Cullen grumbled.

     “Is that code for pretty, Curly?” Varric asked, causing Dorian to snort. Cullen grumbled but dropped it, turning his eyes to across the room. 

     At the bar, the man approached Ursa once more. She smiled and laughed as he spoke, her fingers resting on his arm when he spoke. Cullen bristled.

 

     “ARE they watching?” Ursa asked quietly. The man nodded, leaning in closer. “Good. Thanks. I really would love to dance again, I just enjoy messing with them, too.” 

     The man, Marco, grinned openly and slid a 5 to the bartender as he brought her drink. 

     “I will always say yes to another dance. I’m over there with my boyfriend. Come find me,” he said.

     She nodded. “Thanks for the dance and the drink. I so will.”

     “Don’t wait too long. Paul wants to meet a Jaeger pilot and it’s been a long time since I’ve met someone who could salsa like that,” Marco said, pressing a kiss to her hand before backing away. 

     She strutted back to her table, a happy flush to her cheeks. 

     “Marco is so sweet. He got my drink and asked me for another dance,” she said as she sat. 

     “He was a lovely dancer,” Josephine said, sipping her beer daintily. 

     “He was. I danced with this guy in college, Anthony, he was so good at ballroom. Terrible at everything else, but it was worth it to take ballroom with him. Marco was that good. At least at salsa,” Ursa said. She took a sip of her Coke and hummed.

     “So, are you guys really just going to drink all night? We got out of the dome. Tomorrow Cullen and I test to link our brains. It’s the end of the world. All you want to do is drink beer?” she asked. 

     “I’d be up for other things,” Bull said, raising his eyebrows at her. Ursa laughed. 

     “Sorry, I’m not up for that. But I would be okay with a dance,” she said. 

     “I’ll dance,” Josephine said abruptly, putting down her beer.

     “Really?” Ursa asked in obvious delight. 

     “Why not? I haven’t since before this started. Though I’m not as good as you,” Josephine warned. 

     “Aw, that’s okay. I’ll take anything. Come on, we’ll give them a good song and we can dance,” Ursa said, grabbing Josephine’s hand. 

     Next to Ursa, Josephine’s outfit was tame. Her makeup perfect, hair up in a messy bun, she looked like a rich girl in the slums but it worked. When Ursa began to swivel her hips, she made sure to pull Josephine with her, grinning as the other woman tried to follow the movement. 

     “She is quite remarkable,” Dorian commented. 

     “How so?” Varric asked. 

     “She thinks of others. Do you think Josie would have gotten up to dance with her if she hadn’t pushed?” Dorian replied. “She makes people better, even if they don’t always see it. She saved Cassandra and Leliana with no thought for herself. You heard her recordings, I assume. Not once did she worry about her own well being. She just kept trying to protect them. She could have died and still she’s here, dancing, laughing, smiling. Doing the one thing she didn’t want to do for the sake of a greater good. We all have our own reasons for joining up but she’s special. Even if her reason wasn’t noble, she sure is. Don’t you think?” 

     Varric turned to watch her dance. Her face lit up with a smile when Marco approached, a man on his arm. She held out her hand, shaking the second man’s hand when he grasped hers. Josephine joined the conversation, blushing when Marco said something to her. Ursa pushed Josephine forward, laughing when Marco bowed formally to the other woman. Soon he was sweeping Josephine across the dance floor. It wasn’t as pretty as his dance with Ursa, but they were both smiling, chatting as they went. Ursa cocked her head and the other man followed her to the table.

     “Hey guys, this is Paul, Marco’s boyfriend,” she said. “He wanted to meet some pilots so I figured we could do him a service. This is Dorian Pavus, his co-pilot the Iron Bull, and Cullen Rutherford. That’s Varric Tethras, the writer, and you met Josephine.”

     Paul, a tall and thin man with red hair, nearly bounced out of his skin. “You’re  _ all  _ pilots?” he asked gleefully. 

     “Came out to celebrate,” Ursa said, tugging him into Josephine’s seat.

     “Oh, that’s wonderful. We saw the tape of what you did a few weeks ago. It was...how do you all do it?” he asked avidly. 

     “We just do,” Bull said with a shrug. 

     “We do what we need to do. As I was saying before you sat down, we all signed on for different reasons but we all do it for the greater good,” Dorian said. 

     Paul grinned so widely they could nearly see his molars. Cullen hated Marco a little less, though Paul was another story. 

     “I never had it in me. Thank you for all your service,” he said breathlessly. “You’re the Lion, aren’t you?”

     Cullen winced. Ursa leaned forward, intercepting the conversation easily. “So which is your favorite Jaeger?”

     Paul turned, easily pulled away from Cullen. Cullen slumped back in relief. Ursa winked at him, leaning into the conversation, her attention undivided as she listened to Paul ramble. 

     “Special,” Dorian said smugly. Varric took notes on his phone while Bull added bots to the conversation. Cullen watched, stunned, as Ursa flawlessly led the men away from Cullen’s past.

     By the time they left, Dorian, Bull, and Cullen were drunk, Ursa was sweaty and winded, and Josephine couldn’t stop giggling. 

     “See?” Ursa crowed, “Sometimes you just need a reminder that you’re young and alive.” 

     “We aren’t as young as you,” Bull chuckled.

     “Oh please. 30’s isn’t old,” Ursa scoffed. “That includes you, Rutherford. You’re young. You could act like it sometimes. I saw those girls ask you to dance.”

     “I don’t dance,” he said.

     “Uh-huh. Whatever you say,” she said, settling into the car, not bothering to pull her leg away from where it rested on his. When they began to drive, she let her body slump into him more. “I think you could, if you’d just let go for a minute.” 

     He tried not to breathe too deeply. Her head was warm on his shoulder and he forced himself not to flinch with each rise and fall of her chest. 

     “You don’t know,” he said shakily. 

     She peeked up at him, green eyes bright. “No, but tomorrow I will,” she said more solemnly than she’d spoken all night. 

     Cullen let it drop, knowing that she was right. By tomorrow night they’d have been in each other’s minds if things went the way they should. By tomorrow she would see his shame and pain. He shuddered. She mumbled, half asleep. No one spoke for the rest of the ride. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa and Cullen Drift and end up partners. Lots of promo work is then dumped on them. There's a fundraiser and Ursa realizes she has feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far my favorite chapter in this piece so far. I hope you enjoy it too!

Chapter 4

 

     URSA did not want to go to the testing room. She didn’t want to have her mind hooked into a machine while some research scientist judged her brain waves next to Cullen’s. She really didn’t want to do the step after that. A real Drift would give him access to the parts of her she tried to bury. She groaned into her pillow. 

     “It’s my job. I have to do my job,” she reminded herself sourly. “Even when I hate it.” Still, she waited until the last minute to rise. 

     When she dressed she put on her least offensive clothes. 

     “He doesn’t want to be there either. Best I can do is make it less annoying for him,” she muttered to herself. She pulled on the tight t-shirt and shorts, noting that it still wasn’t as classy as Josephine’s clothes but shrugging it off. Eyeliner and a touch of lipstick later, she was ready. She shook her arms and legs to loosen them before heading out.

     “Showtime,” she said.

 

     CULLEN was already there. He’d been early. Solas, scientist and doctor, watched him pace around the room impassively. 

     “It could go badly,” Solas said.

     “And the chances of that are how high?” Cullen asked. 

     “Not very, based on the reports of your sparring,” Solas replied.

     “Exactly,” Cullen said darkly. 

     “Are you hoping we’ll fail here, Captain?” Blackwall asked as he entered the room, Ursa on his heel. 

     “No, sir,” Cullen mumbled.

     “Once more with feeling,” Ursa joked thinly. She didn’t look thrilled either. Her T-shirt had a red dragon on it that matched her lipstick but her cocky smile and swagger were absent.

     “Both of you. Sit. Solas will plug you in. This should only take a few minutes and then we’ll move on to the final test, if we can. I, for one, am hoping this works. You’re two of the best pilots I’ve ever seen. I’d hate to see that potential go to waste,” Blackwall said firmly. 

     They both sat, resolutely not looking at each other. Solas attached the sensors to their temples and started the test. When it was over, neither wanted the results. Blackwall looked them over quietly. Ursa thought her heart would pound out of her chest. 

     “To the Jaeger,” he said when he’d finished. Ursa’s heart sunk. Cullen’s face gave way to his own dismay. Together, they walked to the bay, both feeling as if they were going to the gallows. 

 

     STANDING in Ferelden Fire felt wrong. Cullen kept shifting his weight, unable to step into his old position.

     “Switch with me,” Ursa said softly. He looked at her in confusion.

     “You won’t need to look in this direction. It won’t feel as bad. Hopefully. Switch with me. I’ll be the left,” she explained. 

     Cullen nodded shakily. They switched positions and though it still felt wrong, it wasn’t as bad. He stepped into the boots, watching her kick off her shoes before stepping into hers. 

     “Oh, this is bigger than mine,” she muttered in surprise. 

     “Fade was tailored to you. Ferelden Fire was made for any co-pilots,” Cullen told her.

     “I know. I just wasn’t expecting...nevermind. How do we do this?” she asked. 

     He could tell she was nervous. Gone was the snarky tone with which she usually spoke to him. In its place was a slight quiver. He ignored it, knowing he would wish the same if it were him.

     “We wait for them to tell us to put our helmets on. Then they’ll initiate the neural handshake. We’ll go into each other’s memories but still be cognizant of where we are. We should be able to still talk out loud to one another but we’ll be able to hear each other in our heads as well. Then they’ll want us to show our connection. We’ll move the Jaeger together. If it all works, we’ll train together and fight together. We’ll get to...know each other,” he hesitated at the end, the idea of knowing her that intimately sending alarm shivering up his spine. 

     “Okay. Okay,” she repeated, breathing out slowly. “Okay, I think I’m ready.” 

     “Good. Helmets up!” Blackwall ordered from the control room. Ferelden Fire whirred to life as they both brought their helmets to their heads. 

     “Neural handshake engaged,” the computer toned. 

     “Cullen, I-” Ursa started but couldn’t finish. She was jolted into her memories, his mingling with hers as the connection was established. 

     It started at childhood. Her brother’s running on the beach behind her, calling to her to stop, that she was being unfair. The wind, the salt, the crashing of the waves mixing with the smell of fresh baked cookies and a little girl’s laughter that wasn’t her own. She watched his memories curiously, their hands flexing in tandem. Around them, the Jaeger shuddered.

     His brother looked like him, his older sister too. Bright amber eyes and golden curls. Fingers ruffled his hair and he smiled into the contact. Her brother threw a pillow in her face and she fell backwards, her shout winding with Cullen’s childhood giggles. They made a fist, Ferelden Fire following the motion. 

     High school. Cullen with a backpack over one shoulder watching a pretty brunette put her books in her locker. A friend nudged him just as Ursa’s high school boyfriend pulled her closer. Her laughter lined up with his grimace, the memories chased away by more. 

     Army posters bled into posters of Misty Copeland. Ursa packed for college, pushing her little brothers out of her room with a huff. Cullen’s mother cried as he told her his plan to join the Army, his older sister shaking her head. Ursa danced until she could hardly breath. Cullen pushed himself to run farther, faster. Their memories lined up as they hugged their siblings. Ursa’s brothers smelling like soap and the ocean while Cullen’s sisters reminded him of the flowers his mother kept in the garden. Together, they lifted their arms, crossing them so Ferelden Fire covered its reactor with its large, metal, arms.

     The first Kaiju attack rocked both of their worlds. Terror, loss, and fear colored the memories. Rosalie asked Cullen to go with her to the academy. He agreed if only to protect her. Ursa’s brothers asked their parents if they could go, shouting and fighting when they were told no. Ursa stayed at school, not wanting to touch the war. The memories began to shift, Ursa wincing, knowing what he was going to see. 

     Cullen’s training was in contrast to Ursa’s day to day college life. He pushed himself physically while Ursa sat in class, finding relief in the movements of her dance classes. It rushed by in their minds until the event that Ursa buried deep inside. They dropped their arms as a letter was handed to Ursa, the school receptionist teary eyed. The words bled together but Cullen knew. Her family gone. Dead. A single attack had changed her life. 

     “Don’t follow the memory,” he said aloud.

     “No. I don’t want to,” she whispered back. 

     Her mind stayed there, the letter appearing over and over as Cullen’s mind rushed ahead. 

     Rosalie in the spot he was standing in now. The Kaiju roaring and her accompanying laugh. Then the hit. The electricity that shot through her suit. The sound of her screaming and then falling limp, her mind just gone, fried away in death. Cullen shed away from the memory. His own horror and loss mixing with Ursa’s. She reached out not with her hand but her mind, touching his memory gently. He flinched at first but then realized she wasn’t giving him pity, she was giving him understanding. 

     He looked at her brother’s faces as they flickered in her mind. He reached out tentatively, giving her the same feeling back. Not pity. Sympathy. Care. Sorrow. A tear slipped down her cheek. 

 

     “ARE they out of alignment?” Blackwall asked. They hadn’t moved in minutes, the Jaeger standing still as they were both flooded by the Drift. Solas shook his head. He watched their monitors and took note of their brain activity.  

     “No. This is something I’ve never seen. They’re...comforting...one another. Touching each other’s minds. They aren’t going any deeper, just keeping still,” Solas explained. 

     Blackwall watched the monitors. They were both looking ahead but their faces were changing. He leaned into the mic. 

     “Ferelden Fire, give us a show,” he said. 

 

     THE words broke the gentle connection the two had been sharing. Ursa’s mind fired to her training and then to their sparring match. Cullen couldn’t help but think of the same thing.

     “Ready?” Ursa asked, sounding more comfortable than she had when they’d walked in.

     “I think so,” he replied. 

     Together, they began to move.

 

     IT Was the most successful first Drift anyone watching had ever seen. Not once did they fall out of alignment. They didn’t struggle to communicate. They moved as if they’d always been connected to one another. When it was over, they both stepped out of their connection almost sad it was gone. Ursa looked up at Cullen with apprehension.

     “Lunch?” she asked hesitantly.

     “Yes,” he replied readily. 

 

     THEY brought their food to the library. Cullen took her to the hidden corner he went to when he couldn’t stand being around people. When they sat, neither ate. They just stared at one another.

     “Your family…” he trailed off, unsure how to begin.

     “Yeah,” she said softly, her eyes dropping to watch her fork make indents in her potatoes.

     “What happened?” he asked, his voice hushed. Everyone knew about Rosalie but no one knew Ursa’s history. She sighed. 

     “My mom and dad were biologists. They didn’t want us anywhere near this even though my brothers kept asking to go to the academy. They were only 17. They needed our parent’s permission to sign up and our parents kept saying no. I was in school and I had no want to come near any of this shit. It seemed dangerous and so far away. We lived on the good coast. I thought we were untouchable. But...well the Kaiju didn’t reach Maine but their influence did. Mom and dad got called to help. All the scientists who had been working by the rim were dead or losing hope. They needed new eyes. So my parents went to Hong Kong. They took Mike and Justin with them. I was in school so I couldn’t go. They promised they’d be safe but...Well I got a call down to the office one day about three months in. The offices my parents worked for sent a letter, a stupid  _ fucking  _ letter, telling me they’d died. Apparently they’d been in the research center when the Kaiju attack came. All of them. They were crushed. It took days for them to dig out the remains. I couldn’t even...they didn’t look like people. Or so I was told. So I had them brought back to Maine. I buried them. Then I sold the house, took only what I needed, and signed up for the academy. I never went back to school. Never finished my degree. I just threw myself into this,” she said, not looking up.

     “Is this why you didn’t want a Drift partner?” he asked. He ached to touch her. Hug her. Tell her he knew how it felt. But his arms wouldn’t move and she knew. They both knew. They’d already given each other more than anyone else ever could. 

     She nodded. “No one knew about it. I didn’t need someone seeing that and feeling bad for me. I’ve made as much peace with it as I can. I just want to keep living my life. I know they would’ve wanted me to wallow. Sometimes I think about what they’d say. My brothers. They thought you were such a badass. They’d say “Cullen Rutherford took his little sister into war! Why can’t we go!” I bet they’d think I was one now, too.” A small smile played on her lips. Cullen smiled back just as gently. 

     “Any sibling would be proud to know you,” he said. 

     She pushed his shoulder with her own. “Stop being nice to me. You’re weirding me out.”

     After a beat, she asked hesitantly, “Was it better? Standing on the other side.”

     “A bit,” he confessed, “But it’s still fresh. I felt her...well you saw.”

     “I’m sorry,” she said, touching his arm, “That was horrible. I mean, I knew but to...I’m just sorry. I get why you pull back so much. I’m sorry you were forced into this, too. I know you didn’t want it either.” 

     “It’s...not as bad as I thought,” he admitted. 

     She blushed, surprising him. 

     “Are you blushing right now?” he asked in awe.

     “Stop,” she said, turning her face away. “It’s nothing.”

     “It’s not nothing,” he said with a chuckle, “You’ve been pushing my buttons since you got here. I was beginning to think you couldn’t be embarrassed.”

     “I’m not embarrassed,” she protested, her cheeks a bright red. 

     “Your face matches your shirt,” he said. 

     “Shut up!” she exclaimed. “Can’t we just eat?”

     He laughed, pushing his curls off his forehead. “Alright. Let’s eat.” 

     She peeked up at him as he ate, her heart racing. Biting her lip, she scooped food onto her fork and began to eat. Perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world being linked to Cullen Rutherford. They ate in companionable silence for the rest of the meal, both more at ease than they’d been in a long time. 

 

     THE cheering reached them before they even entered the room. Cullen recoiled visibly while Ursa hiked up her smile and bumped his shoulder. 

     “You can do it,” she sang teasingly. 

     “I can. I don’t want to,” he replied. 

     She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, walking backwards into the room and pulling him with her. 

     “You two look well fucked,” Dorian commented. Cullen turned red and began to stutter while Ursa laughed. 

     “Mind fucked, maybe,” she allowed. 

     “You’re holding his hand,” Bull pointed out. 

     “Only so he won’t run away,” Ursa said, letting go as Cullen fell onto the couch, his face buried in his hands. 

     “We saw it. It was extraordinary,” Leliana said. 

     “It...wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Ursa allowed. She sat next to Cullen closer than she needed to, the other noticing the difference. Cassandra marveled at it. Cullen wouldn’t allow anyone to come near him for a solid two years. Cassandra had tried.  Now one young woman had breached his walls and he allowed her to touch him casually as a friend or lover would. 

     “Do you see now? What a good Drift can do?” Bull asked. 

     Ursa smirked. “You make it sound like a good Drift is akin to a good fuck,” she said. 

     “Well it is, sometimes, isn’t it?” Dorian asked in amusement, pushing Bull roughly so the man shifted in his seat. 

     “Sometimes. But I find a good fuck to do that just fine on its own, too. No need for ties like the Drift,” Bull said. 

     Ursa put her feet up on the worn coffee table, leaning back with her shoulder against Cullen’s. “I really wouldn’t know about either,” she commented easily. 

     The room stilled. 

     “You haven’t…?” Leliana asked.

     “Oh no. I totally have. Just not much and not for a long time. Plus I really don’t think it counted as “good.” My boyfriend from high school is dead. We never really got the time to practice. He joined the army right out of high school. Never made it through basic training. Did something stupid. He was the last...person in my life. Well, the last important one. My roommate in college...she’s a different story. But either way, none of those were by any means good,” Ursa said. 

     “Your boyfriend died?” Cullen asked at the same time that Dorian said, “Roommate?” 

     Ursa grinned between them. “Yes and yes. Dana and Lindsey. Dana was an idiot. We would’ve broken up anyway but he died before we got there. I think they said he tried to bungee jump off a building while drunk. It didn’t go well. As for Lindsey? Well, I don’t kiss and tell.” 

     Dorian whistled but Cullen tried to read her body language. He’d seen into her mind. He knew how her defenses worked, now. She pushed back the bad and pulled the good from it, using that as a shield. She felt his eyes on her and turned, a question in her gaze. When he blinked back at her, her quizzical expression cleared and she smiled gently, nodding once. He inclined his head and turned back to the room, noticing only then that Cassandra was watching him, dark eyes sharply trained on his face. 

     “Cass?” he said, standing, “Talk to me for a minute?” 

     Cassandra nodded, following Cullen from the room. Dorian’s wolf whistle was acknowledged only by a scoff until the door closed behind them. 

     “You’re allowing her near you. She’s pulling your hands. Sitting beside you. You just checked to make sure she was okay. You seem more...settled. If I had known all it would take was a Drift partner I would have pushed a year ago,” Cassandra said, sounding frustrated. 

     “It took the right Drift partner,” Cullen corrected. 

     “You hated her when she first walked in the door. Do you…” Cassandra swallowed hard, “Love her?” 

     Cullen chuckled out of surprise. “No,” he said with a shake of his head, “No. But I understand her. Do you love Leliana? Did Stroud love Hawke?”

     “Yes,” Cassandra said readily. 

     “But not the way you’re asking me about. No. I’ve seen her mind once. I understand why she is the way she is and she understands me. It’s not love. It’s respect,” Cullen said. 

     “For now,” Cassandra replied. 

     “Forever,” Cullen said more firmly. “She’s a good fighter and a good person. That’s all.” 

     “Alright,” Cassandra allowed. “Get a drink after dinner?” 

     “Sure,” Cullen said, “I could use one. This day has been long and it’s not even half over yet.”

     Cassandra nodded. “Just wait until your first attack. You’ve been on the bench for a long time.” 

     “Thanks,” Cullen said dryly. 

     “It’s changed out there. That’s all I’m saying,” Cassandra said with a shrug. 

     She went back into the common room, saying something to Leliana. Cullen stood outside, thinking about what she’d said. 

 

     IT took 3 more days until there was another attack. Usually co-pilots stayed in rooms close together or in the same room. Cullen and Ursa had yet to move closer to one another so when the call came they didn’t see each other until they’d reached the bay. Ursa was there first, a ripped high school band T-shirt and jean cutoffs showing off her figure once more. This time Cullen didn’t comment. When they stood side by side he heard her soft, shaky, exhale. 

     “You okay?” he asked, hoping no one heard.

     “Yeah,” she breathed back, “Just never done this with another person.”

     “We’ll make it work,” Cullen said, thinking of Rosalie. 

     “I know,” Ursa agreed as they stepped into the hull. She took his old side, sliding bare feet into the boots and holding out her arms to be sealed into the suit. Cullen followed suit until they were both locked in. They looked at one another as they put their helmets on. 

     “You two ready? You’re running point. Dorian and Bull will follow in the Charger. You feel out of your depth, you call them in,” Blackwall asked in, the intercom crackling. 

     “We’re good,” Ursa said, closing her eyes for a moment. 

     “Alright. Start the Drift,” Blackwall commanded. 

     Like the first time, they both jolted into memories. Dana pushing Ursa into the lockers, kissing her neck until she giggled. Cullen finally talking to the pretty brunette, her smile a little crooked. His first kiss melted into Ursa’s first time, both of them flushed at the thought before snapping into their connection. 

     “That was…” Cullen couldn’t seem to find the words.

     “We don’t need to talk about,” she replied quickly. “Let’s just go kill this thing.”

     “Right. Good idea,” Cullen said, his blush hidden by his helmet. 

 

     FIGHTING together took only a moment to get used to. Ursa’s fluid style of movement came from her roots in dance. Cullen’s style came from force. Together, they were nearly unstoppable. Dorian and Bull watched, never needing to step in, as they effortlessly killed the Kaiju. When they’d blown its head open, Ursa cheered, the control room following suit.

     “Get back here, you two. Josephine has some promo work for you,” Blackwall ordered. 

     Cullen groaned as they headed back. 

     “It’s cause we’re both so pretty,” Ursa giggled when they’d returned and were stepping out of their suits. 

     “I am not pretty,” he said, insulted.

     “But I am,” Ursa grinned, wiggling her hips, energy thrumming in her skin. 

     Cullen looked her up and down, this time with no contempt in his gaze. She warmed under the look, biting her lip. He met her eyes. 

     “Maybe,” he said, a spark of amusement in his eye, “Maybe you are.” 

     He started to walk away and she scurried to keep up with him. “Cullen Rutherford! Did you just compliment me?” She cried to his back. His chuckle was his only response.

 

     THE promo work was a list of events. Even Ursa groaned at the sight when Josephine handed her the list. 

     “Okay, I like people and this is pushing it. Cullen, are you going to do these?” Ursa asked, handing the list to him. He read it over, his face shifting until he was clearly exhausted just by the words. 

     “I’m not doing that. Or this,” he said, pointing. Ursa leaned into him, her head against his arm, to see where he was pointing. She nodded. 

     “Yeah, I agree. A fundraiser? No way,” she said. 

     “With more pilots and Jaegers getting destroyed with each new Kaiju, the public’s opinions of us are lowering. You two are a shining beacon of new hope. Already, your fighting video has been distributed. They’ve named the Kaiju. There are polls on if you two are together. You’re the ones they asked for. The fallen Lion, learning to fight again, and the Queen, this time with a king beside her. It’s really very poetic,” Josephine said. 

     “So that’s a fancy way of saying we have to do it,” Ursa said. 

     “Yes,” Josephine replied simply. 

     Cullen groaned. “Is anything on this list negotiable?” 

     Josephine shook her head. “I’m afraid not. I’ve already gotten you out of the ones I thought you didn’t need. This is the short list.” 

     “Okay. I think I can rally for some of these. The others will just suck. Can we bring anyone else to the fundraiser?” Ursa asked.

     “I’m going. Solas as well. Vivienne. Varric managed an invite. I’m afraid everyone else will have to stay here. It is a black tie, invite only, event,” Josephine replied. 

     “I don’t own anything for a black tie event,” Ursa protested. Cullen snorted. She turned, her right eyebrow raised. “Yes?” she asked. 

     He blinked at her innocently. “No belly showing gowns in your closet?”

     “Careful, Rutherford. You know I’ll deck you,” Ursa warned. 

     “I have the perfect dress picked out. It’s in a week. You’ll come see it tomorrow then I’ll have it tailored. You too, Cullen. I have a suit for you,” Josephine said. 

     “See, Josie’s got this. Looks like the first one is...in two days. It’s just an interview with Varric. That’s easy,” Ursa said.

     "That’s not the one I’m worried about,” Cullen said dryly.

     “I know. But think small, then work your way up,” Ursa said as they turned to go. Josephine watched them, her head tilted slightly. Cullen had made huge strides in only a few days and even Ursa seemed less rough around the edges. She shook her head.

     “Who knew?” she muttered to herself before picking up her phone to call their sponsors. She had a fundraiser to charm her way through and that started now. 

 

     “YOU two ready?” Varric asked two days later. They were in the common area, a sign on the door citing interview in process, and Varric had pulled the couch and chairs closer together. He wanted a “cozy” feel but Ursa saw through him. He wanted to see where they’d sit if given options. Ursa chose the couch, crossing freshly shaven legs primly. After a moment’s hesitation, Cullen sat beside her, leaving a respectable gap between them. 

     “As ready as we can be. Shoot,” Ursa replied. 

     “Good. We’re going to skip the usual questions. How did you meet, why did you join up, etcetera. Readers don’t need to know that about either of you. What they want is the juicy stuff. How did the Drift go? What did you see? How come you two are so in sync with one another? Are you an item? Those kinds of things,” Varric said with a grin. 

     Ursa crossed her arms. “You think we’re answering any of that?”

     “If you want out of this room you’ll answer me. Josephine gave me this list,” Varric beamed. Ursa groaned and Cullen looked disgusted. 

     “Why do people want to know any of that?” he asked. 

     “Curiosity. You’re both good looking. You fight in a giant robot to save the world. You’re literal superheroes. Humor them. They all just want to be you,” Varric replied easily. 

     “What does us being good looking have to do with it?” Cullen said, his obvious frustration showing. Ursa patted his knee absently. 

     “Pretty people lead pretty lives. Or so others think,” she said. “In my case they’re mostly right.” She shot a cocky grin at Varric who jotted down a note. 

     “So you and Curly here? An item?” he asked. Ursa smirked. 

     “Wouldn’t they like to know. But I don’t kiss and tell, Varric. I’m sure you’ve heard,” Ursa said demurely. Cullen blushed.

     “We are not an item!” he exploded. 

     “I never said we were,” Ursa said innocently. 

     “You’ve done this before,” Varric said approvingly. 

     “I’m a woman in this profession. Of course I did this. At least you haven’t asked me what I wear under my suit. I started telling people I went naked just to get them to shut up,” she said. 

     “Josephine took it off the list. She thought you might throttle me. Besides, I’ve seen you suit up. I can say from experience you aren’t naked,” Varric said, leaning back in his chair. 

     “Cullen goes naked though. Very hush hush,” Ursa joked so Cullen flushed once more. Varric laughed loudly. 

     “I like you,” he said, “Now let’s get down to the dirty details before his face stays that color.” 

     Cullen grumbled and sat back, crossing his arms in a huff. Ursa giggled. 

     “Let er’ rip,” she said. And Varric did. 

 

     “I cannot believe you told that man that I snore,” Cullen protested after they’d finished. Ursa rolled her eyes. 

     “Rutherford. You  _ do.  _ Your room is all the way down the long ass hall and I can hear it when I’m like four doors down. It’s endearing. You know, in the way a tractor running all night is endearing,” she said. 

     Cullen huffed. She pushed him, smiling coaxingly up at him when he turned to glare at her. “People will like it. They want the mundane details. The worse life gets out there the more they want the fantasy. Remember when actors had it all? Now we do. To them, we’re living the dream. I know you want the logic of it but not everything’s like that. The Drift even isn’t like that. If it was, we wouldn’t be here.”

     He rolled his eyes and resolutely kept quiet. 

     “Fine,” Ursa huffed, her smile cutting into any annoyance she might have been showing. “Come on. Cassandra was going to teach me how to beat you in chess. You can make fun of me while I play. You’ll feel better.” 

 

     NO one ever noticed Cole. He liked the shadows. He liked working in the depths of a Jaeger where each groan was a piece of the conversation. As Ursa and Cullen passed, he stepped back into the light of the hall.

     “They don’t know yet,” he murmured, “But they will.”

 

     URSA was abysmal at chess. She could see moves that other people made but when trying to put it into practice she got bored. It had always been her problem with the game. She could win if she set her mind to it, she just didn’t see the point. Cassandra finally gave up, sighing in disgust. 

     “Please continue playing like a cat on catnip,” she snapped, “I’m done!”

     Ursa pouted, a smile twitching along her lips. “But Cass,” she whined.

     “Don’t call me Cass,” Cassandra warned. 

     “They do,” Ursa protested, gesturing to Leliana and Cullen. 

     “They’re my friends,” Cassandra said. 

     “Ouch,” Ursa said, but it was with a laugh. She leaned over her chair and pulled her large headphones out of her bag, plugging them into her ipod and leaning the chair back on two legs as she snapped the neon pink cushions to her ears. “I can’t hear any of you anymore,” she declared, closing her eyes. 

     “Childish,” Cassandra scoffed. Ursa flipped up her middle finger without opening her eyes. 

     “I see that she’s fitting in,” Leliana said, hiding her laugh behind her hand. 

     Ursa smirked, her foot wiggling enough to jiggle the chess pieces. Cullen leaned forward after a moment’s hesitation. He pulled the headphone from her right ear. She peeked at him out of her right eye.

     “Yes?”

     “Go dance. You need to get the energy out,” he said. 

     “Telling me what to do, Rutherford?” she drawled. 

     “Yes. You’re nearly vibrating out of your chair,” he said. 

     “And dancing will help that?” she shot back, knowing it would but wanting him to admit in front of his friends that he knew her that well after only two full Drifts and a few training exercises. 

     “You...you’ve used it before. If you keep this up, I won’t be the one embarrassing us at that fundraiser. Go dance,” he said. 

     She grinned. “Yeah, alright.” She stood, saluting the two other women cockily. “Peace out!” 

     When she was gone, Leliana and Cassandra rounded on him.

     “Go dance?” Cassandra said in disbelief. 

     “She loves it. It calms her,” he said defensively.

     “And you know that. How deep do your Drift’s go?” Leliana asked, sounding more fascinated than upset. 

     “My last Drift partner was my sister. I don’t know how to answer that,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

     “So the training is going well,” Leliana said.

     “It is. More than I thought it would,” Cullen admitted, “Solas and Vivienne have both said we’ve progressed quickly.”

     “Which is good because we need to rely on you two. But are you okay?” Cassandra asked. 

     She and Cullen had met in the academy and become friends early on. She’d adored Rosalie. Seeing the girl die had nearly killed her. Watching Cullen retreat into himself had only hurt her more. She wanted him to come out from behind the walls he’d built but she wasn’t sure if this was the right way. Ursa was yanking him forward. Cassandra feared the young woman didn’t know what she was cracking open. Not really. 

     “I’m fine, Cass,” Cullen said softly. “Really. It’s hard still. We still get on each other’s nerves. But we have a solid Drift. We understand each other now. That’s all. I thought you’d be happy. She’s a good friend. A good person to have at your back.”

     “We know that,” Leliana said, thinking to the event that had gotten them to this point. “We’re just worried for you.” 

     “I’m fine. Truly,” Cullen said.

     “You like her,” Cassandra said bluntly. “And while that works for many co-pilots, think about what it could mean. If either of you got hurt, what would it do to the other? Would she fall apart like you would? Because you would. But does she care as much as you do? She certainly doesn’t show it. I’m afraid something will happen and you won’t be equal and it will hurt you.” 

     Something in Cullen’s eyes shuttered closed. He leaned back. “You don’t know her. Not really. She cares more than she’ll ever show. Her memories aren’t mine to talk about but she cares. You’re insulting her by thinking otherwise.” 

     Cassandra was stunned by his reaction. She blinked in surprise. “Alright,” she said. “Then I’m wrong. And I’m glad.”

     Cullen nodded curtly.

     “You really do care for her,” Leliana said curiously. 

     “Is that so surprising?” Cullen huffed.

     “Yes. Not two years ago. Then she would’ve been just your type but now? It’s surprising. You didn’t like her the moment she walked in the door,” Cassandra said. 

     “My type? I don’t have a type,” Cullen scoffed.

     “Oh you do. Gorgeous. Snarky. Smart. Usually they pretend to be dumb but aren’t. You like a woman who can take care of herself. Doesn’t take your shit. You like hot, badass women, like that girl from HR a few years back. But it’s the person you really look at. She’s exactly your type. Checks all the boxes. If you weren’t still learning how to be human again you’d notice. Not that you were ever good at seducing woman, anyway,” Cassandra remarked. 

     “I was never trying!” Cullen protested.

     “Right. Well, I’m sure Bull will take her up on all that flirting at some point. You know he and Dorian have an open relationship,” Cassandra breezed. Cullen felt his lip curl before he could help it.

     “Is that a problem?” Leliana asked innocently. 

     “Bull won’t give her what she needs,” he said. When they both blinked at him he hastily added, “In a relationship! I just meant he won’t give her what she needs emotionally.” 

     “Maybe he could. You never know. They’d be cute together, don’t you think?” Leliana asked Cassandra. Cullen groaned and stood. 

     “I’m going to work out,” he snapped. 

     He stalked from the room leaving the two women to laugh together. 

     “Give it another month,” Leliana said. “He’s never been the best at these things.”

     “No, but she’s figuring it out. I say 3 weeks,” Cassandra said.

     “You’re on,” Leliana said with a nod. “If in 3 weeks one of them hasn’t made a move, you owe me.” 

     “Deal,” Cassandra said. They shook on it, both believing they were in the right. 

 

     CULLEN hadn’t been wrong. Their trainings were going so well, Vivienne had stopped instructing them. They moved so easily together it was beautiful. She invited Blackwall to watch, explaining that it wasn’t her achievement but their own. They each got a deep nod, taking that to mean he was proud of them. When yet another Kaiju attacked the coast, they rode out alone. It took longer to bring this one down but still, they managed. By the next morning the recordings were viral and those who hadn’t secured their tickets to the fundraiser were clamoring. It was 3 days away. Ursa’s dress had been tailored, Cullen’s suit fitted, and now they had to wait. When they were approached by a dance instructor, Cullen turned weary.

     “Why?” he asked the woman. She shrugged. 

     “I was hired to teach you both a fairly simple routine. One that can impress a crowd without being too hard on either of you,” the woman, Morrigan, explained. 

     Cullen groaned but Ursa grinned. “I get to dance?”

     “With Mr. Rutherford. Yes,” Morrigan said. 

     “I don’t care if I have to dance with a damn Kaiju. I’ll do it,” Ursa said, bouncing on her toes. 

     “And if I don’t agree?” Cullen asked. 

     “I was told to tell you that it’s part of your job, Captain,” Morrigan said, reciting what Blackwall had told her. Cullen leaned his head back with a loud sigh. Ursa grinned. 

     “Ignore him. He’s dramatic. So what are we dancing to?” 

     Morrigan explained all while Cullen watched sourly. By the end of the lesson, Cullen could turn Ursa without stepping on her feet. He thought that was as good as it was going to get.

     “I’ll be here the next two days. We’ll get there,” Morrigan said with more force than was necessary. Ursa broke into giggles when she left. 

     “I don’t know what they were thinking but this is gonna be fun no matter how it turns out,” she said.

     “Speak for yourself,” Cullen said.

     “Oh, I am. Come on, Rutherford. Let’s get cleaned up for dinner. I heard they have real beef tonight,” Ursa said, pulling on his sweaty palm with her own. He followed her, practicing his steps in his head. 

 

     THE fundraiser came too fast for both of them. Ursa looked at the gown Josephine had chosen and admitted it was very much something she would wear. She got herself into it before Josephine and Vivienne came to her room. They curled her hair into gentle waves and painted her face so it softened instead sharpened, her lips a vivid line slashed across the canvas of her face. When Josephine presented her with a pair of black heels with red bottoms, Ursa bit her lip. 

     “I can’t,” she said.

     “Nonsense. They’re mine. I never wear them,” Vivienne scoffed.

     Ursa slid her feet in and decided right there she could die happily. 

     “You will blow them all away,” Vivienne said approvingly. 

     “Let’s just hope it’s enough,” Josephine replied. Together, the three women headed out. 

 

     DORIAN helped Cullen with his suit. It was a fitted suit in jet black with an ash grey shirt and black tie. Cullen had slicked back his curls and shaved, the scar on his lip more pronounced. 

     “It’s dashing,” Dorian said when Cullen touched it yet again. 

     “I feel…”

     “Out of your depth. Yes. Well. That’s what they want. Pretend to be one of them. It will make it easier. I’m sure your girl will know how to play it,” Dorian said. 

     “My girl?” Cullen asked.

     “Ursa. About 5’5. Thin. Very pretty. Smart mouth,” Dorian explained, amused. 

     “She’s not my girl,” Cullen said.

     “Really? I just assumed since she turned down Bull. Usually that doesn’t happen with women for him,” Dorian said, sounding genuinely surprised.

     “She turned down Bull?” Cullen asked. 

     “Yes. Yesterday. He asked her out. Even did it nicely, like a gentleman. She just said no thank you and kissed him on the cheek. I’m pretty sure it made his day. But I just assumed you were keeping it quiet…” Dorian trailed off. 

     “No. She’s not my girl. Just my co-pilot,” Cullen said. 

     “Oh. Pity. Come on. We’ll be late,” Dorian said. 

 

     URSA was messing with the bracelets Josephine had made her wear when Dorian dragged Cullen to the garage. She looked up, doing a double take when she saw him. He too, looked stunned. She smiled, a crooked tilt of her cherry red lips. She walked over to him, her hips swaying gently and heels clicking on the concrete floor. 

     “My eyes are up here, Rutherford,” she said throatily. 

     “It’s not my fault. That neckline…” Cullen trailed off, pulling his gaze up to hers. She traced a finger daintily down the fiery line of the material. 

     “It is a little low but I like it,” she said, “And judging from that reaction, you do too.”

     He blushed. 

     “Relax,” she laughed, “I’m just messing with you. You clean up good, too. If that makes you feel better. I bet you get at least 5 vows of undying love tonight. And at least one will be done sober.”

     He couldn’t stop looking at her. Her hair in auburn waves contrasted against the bright red of the gown and her pale skin. The two slits that came up to her thighs showed her legs when she walked, her hips moving in a sexy sidle that he’d never seen in any other woman. She would wow the crowd tonight, he knew. And he knew it had been planned that way. He offered her his arm without responding. She took it with a small nod. Together, they followed the others out to the car. 

     “Showtime,” she muttered to him as they began to drive away from the dome. He knew she was right. 

 

     THEY were bombarded as soon as they walked in the door. Her fingers tightened on his arm, the only sign of her displeasure as she smiled at those who stopped to talk to them. 

     “Ms. Lavellan! Is it true you went to college? How avant garde!” a woman in a gold gown cooed when she reached them. Ursa nodded. 

     “I did. For two years,” she said.

     “What made you leave, dear? It must have been before they began closing down schools,” the woman asked.

     Cullen could feel the tension in her as she stood up straighter. 

     “I guess I just heard my calling,” she said, smiling easily, causing Cullen to frown. 

     “Ursa chose to go above and beyond the call of duty in this rough time. I only wish more had taken such a brave step,” he said, the woman’s eyes rushing to meet his. She smiled. It reminded him of a predator finally cornering its prey. 

     “And what about you, Mr. Rutherford? How does it feel to take another in your sister’s place?” the woman asked. 

     Cullen forced himself to swallow before replying. Ursa clung to his arm. He knew she would step in if he couldn’t reply but he couldn’t let her fight his battles. He raised his eyes to the woman’s making sure to hold them as he spoke. 

     “I can’t say I don’t miss Rosalie but out of all the pilots I could have matched with I am honored to be fighting beside Ursa,” he said firmly. 

     The woman’s smile dimmed and Ursa’s hand on his arm loosened just a little. 

     “Oh dear. I’m afraid you’re not going to deny any of the rumors with speeches like that, Mr. Rutherford,” the woman said, clucking her tongue. “Which is too bad. There are many women here who would be happy to help you find your...passion, but it seems you’re taken.” 

     Cullen thought about what Ursa had told Varric. The way she’d avoided answering the question while allowing them their suspicions. Instead of jumping to deny the comment, he inclined his head. 

     “Let them keep their rumors, then. I’m afraid I’m too busy for much more on my plate, anyway,” he said. 

     Ursa tugged him forward at that. “Come on, Rutherford. There are more people to greet. It was lovely to meet you,” she said to the woman, her eyes cold.

     “And you, Ms. Lavellan. It has been eye opening,” the woman said, letting them by. 

     “That was good,” Ursa said approvingly as they walked on. 

     “Don’t get used to it,” he whispered back. Across the room, Josephine gestured for them. 

     “Oh I won’t. I like you honest,” she replied, waving in response to Josephine’s summons. She murmured excuses to those who tried to stop them as they crossed the room. When they made it to Josephine, she gestured to the dance floor.

     “It’s time,” she said. 

     Cullen hid his groan. Ursa’s smile brightened her face. “This will help a little,” she said. 

     “Not for me,” Cullen retorted. She pretended she didn’t hear him. Josephine stepped into the middle of the dance floor, the music sliding to a halt. She introduced them, citing Ursa’s dance background for the exhibition. 

     “I’m sure you’ve all seen the footage of the latest Kaiju attack and many of you had asked how our pilot’s moved so smoothly. I would like to say we trained them to it, but I’d be lying. A background in dance gave Ms. Lavellan her ability which she now shares with Mr. Rutherford through the Drift. His own army and academy training brings the edge they carry in a fight. We couldn’t bring in a Kaiju for a live demonstrations so this is as close as could get. Ursa, Cullen, take your places please,” Josephine said. 

     Cullen muttered swears under his breath as he curved his hand around Ursa’s waist, the other holding her arm up.

     “Relax,” she breathed softly, “It’s just a performance. Like in a Jaeger.”

     “Feels more intimate,” he replied as the music started. 

     “Don’t let it. Think of the Drift. Be there, not here. Now, move,” she said. And then he was concentrating too much to talk. 

     The song was soft and somewhat slow, chosen to give him time to remember what he was doing. Ursa led him subtly, moving easily into her turns and pulling him lightly when he forgot where to go. She smiled at him right before he was meant to lift her. He pulled her up effortlessly. 

     “Good,” she whispered, “Halfway there.”

     When he caught her gaze she blushed and looked down, trying not to wince when he accidently stepped on her toe. He frowned before remembering to smooth out his face. Muttering more curses, he spun her outward, watching her dress ripple around her legs. Josephine had chosen well, he thought as she came back against his chest, the smell of her hair filling his head. He blinked down at her, wondering when she’d become such a dear friend to him. It blazed in him then. An odd moment to realize such a thing but here, in a room full of hunters and where they felt like prey, he could appreciate fully what she’d become for him. They continued dancing, his own bewilderment blinding him to hers. 

     She was screwed. She’d known the moment he’d touched her waist, swears that would make the audience gasp pouring from his lips. Her childish crush on him had turned first to sympathy and then to friendship and now...now she cared. More than she wanted to admit. His scar was more obvious now with his face shaved. She wanted to touch it, feel the line where it smoothed into his lip. She blushed when he caught her looking. Her own curses began to flow in her mind. She knew the dance without thinking and she moved through it, ignoring his slight stumbling or the way his toes accidently hit her own. She wanted it done so she could stop standing so close to him. Perhaps her mind would clear once he wasn’t holding her. Their final pose, his arm around her waist from behind, was coming fast and she took a deep breath as she slid against him. She tried to ignore the feel of his body. The warmth seeping into her skin from his. The smell of whatever cologne Dorian had made wear. When the round of applause finished they bowed and he led her off the floor.

     “Thank god that’s over,” he said on a sigh.

     “I couldn’t agree more,” she replied, not looking at him. She nearly sighed in relief when a group of fans approached them. This was a part she could play. It was one she knew. She tried not to think about what she’d realized, playing up her flirty and fun nature for the crowd. 

     When the night finally ended and they were driven home, she barely spoke. Citing exhaustion, she nearly ran to her room. She stripped out of the dress, pulled the pins from her hair and washed her face before standing in the mirror. She looked over her bare skin, hands on her hips. Finally, she looked into her own eyes. She knew it wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t awe of a single night.  Even here, naked and no longer covered by the marks of the night, she could feel her heart racing at the thought of his face. It had been building ever since they’d Drifted. She bit her lip.

     “Fuck.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa and Cullen dance around their feelings. Ursa is hurt in another attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your wonderful comments on this story! Please keep them coming. I'm loving working on this piece and seeing that you're enjoying it is amazing. Thank you!

Chapter 5

 

     URSA avoided Cullen for four days after the fundraiser. She did the PR events Josephine had set up as quickly as possible and nearly ran from the room afterwards. Cullen was bewildered but didn’t question it too hard. He’d seen some Drift linked pilots pull back from one another outside of a fight out of worry. Sometimes it was the panic of someone knowing them too well and sometimes it was just fear of losing someone who was suddenly so close to them. He assumed she was just worrying about him knowing so much about her but as it continued, he began to doubt his own thoughts. When she’d fled an interview with the local newspaper with only a quick goodbye, he cornered Dorian. 

     “You’re friends with Ursa,” he started.

     “Yes. So are you,” Dorian replied without looking up from his book.

     “She keeps running away from me. If she doesn’t have to be near me, she isn’t. At first I just thought...but...well has she said anything? Does she regret the Drift? Is it about me knowing personal things about her?” Cullen asked, frustrated with his own inability to explain things well. 

     “Do you think I’d tell you if I knew?” Dorian asked, this time putting the book in his lap. When Cullen only shrugged, Dorian continued. “She hasn’t said anything but my guess? There’s something she doesn’t want you to see. Let it be. And besides, since when do you care if she’s ignoring you? When she first got here all you could do was tell people how terrible she would be for us. Have you changed your mind, Captain?”

     Cullen resisted the urge to stick his tongue out. Ursa really was rubbing off on him. 

     “You know I have,” he replied. “She’s a good fighter. We make a good team. And...she’s a good friend. I just...I hope I didn’t do anything to distress her.”

     Dorian finally took pity on the man in front of him. He stood. “Tell her you’ve noticed. That’s all it takes. You reassuring her will no doubt make whatever it is that much better. When I first realized I was in love with Bull I tried to hide it. It soured our Drift for a while. I tried to stay away from him outside of it, which frustrated us both until we finally had to face it. We made it work, but we both felt so much better once we’d talked about it. There are no secrets in the Drift. Maybe she’s beginning to understand that.” 

     “We’ve already seen the worst of each other,” Cullen said in confusion. “What more could she want to hide?” 

     Dorian shook his head and waited until Cullen was half out the door to say, “But have you seen the best?” 

     Cullen paused but didn’t stop. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Dorian meant. 

 

     CULLEN thought about what Dorian had said. He thought about it over dinner. He thought about it in the morning. He thought about it in training. And he thought about it when yet another magazine came to interview them. He thought about it even more when Ursa tried to run from him once more when they’d finished with the interview. It was how he ended up pulling Ursa into a closet two days after his talk with Dorian and right after the interviewer left. She looked up at him with wide eyes. 

     “Rutherford, this is a closet,” she said.

     “Yes. Well you’ve been avoiding me,” he replied.

     “Okay. So you thought trapping me in a closet was a good way to deal with it?” she asked.

     “Why are you avoiding me?” he said instead of answering. 

     Her eyes dropped. “No reason,” she mumbled.

     “That was just insulting. You’re a better liar than that. Is it something I did? Can I fix it? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. We have to go back out to fight at some point and whatever this is, it’s better discussed before the Drift does it for us,” he said. 

     Ursa sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s nothing, really. It’s not anything you did, I promise. And the Drift will be fine. So can we drop it?”

     She went to push past him but he caught her shoulders, holding her close to his chest out of necessity. “No! It could sour our Drift. Forget the fact that I thought we were friends now. The Breach is getting stronger. We can’t have anything messing with our connection right now. What is it that’s bothering you?”

     Ursa lifted her eyes to meet his. She was standing so close to him, he could see the flecks of blue in her eyes. Her breathing was shallow and he watched her eyes darken. Her lips parted and she ran her tongue over them slowly. 

_      Oh. _

     He let her go, breaking whatever spell they’d been in. Her gaze dropped once more and she stepped past him, pushing open the door. 

     “That’s what I thought,” she said before fleeing. Cullen leaned his head on the doorpost till long after she’d left. He wished he’d never asked. 

 

     “FUCK!” Ursa screamed as she slammed her door shut. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

     She kicked the end of her bed, wincing when it hurt her toe. She fell backwards onto the mattress with a groan. 

     “Great job, Ursa. Put it all out there! Now what? Run away? Can’t do that, this is your fucking job. Goddammit!” she flipped onto her stomach, pushing her face into her pillow. She could feel her embarrassment searing up her face. How would she look at him again? Let him into her mind again? She had to, she knew that, but with each new Drift, she cared more deeply. She couldn’t hide it any longer.

     “I’m going to fall in love with that idiot,” she moaned, curling onto her side. She looked at the picture of her brothers. “You two would know what to do. You’d tell me to do something stupid like, kiss him! Or, just fight monsters, sis. But somehow it would work. Wish you were here to tell me what you think.” 

     She tapped the glass over their faces. “Guess I have to give myself my own advice, now. I think I’ll stick to fighting monsters. The Drift is part of that, which sucks. It’s work but it’s also a piece of us. I could really use some violence right now. Work out some...frustration. Ugh. I’m an idiot. He’s an idiot. I’m falling for an idiot. Love is dumb. I wish you guys could be here to figure that out,” she said softly. She stared at their smiling faces, tears in her eyes. 

     “I wish you were here for a lot of things. Every year it gets harder to remember specific things.About you and mom and dad. Someday you might be gone for good. I don’t...I don’t know what I’ll do when that happens.”

     There was no answer. There never was. She sighed deeply and curled her knees up to her chest. 

     “I think I’ll skip dinner. Get some sleep. Avoid Cullen some more. What do you guys think?” she nodded at whatever answer she had in her head. “Yeah, I think so too. But maybe an alien will attack soon and then I can work out some of my issues.” 

     She closed her eyes, her pillow already warming under her head. “Goodnight, guys. I love you,” she murmured, pretending her brothers’ reply wasn’t just in her head. 

 

     IT was lucky for Ursa that only a day later, another attack came. It was aiming straight for them once more, a phenomenon that Solas called “targeted knowledge”. The other domes had each lost a Jaeger and pilots to the Kaiju in the last month. Skyhold was the only dome still holding strong with its full set of pilots since Hawke and Stroud. The academy could no longer keep up with pilot demand. Public opinion was flagging. It only made sense for the monsters to target the strongest dome. With this attack all three Jaegers were called out. They would have to truly work as a team for the first time. 

     “It’s a class 4,” Blackwall said as they all suited up. “You’ll all need to work together. I want Ferelden Fire in front, The Charger and Divine flanking. No one sits back. You all fight this one. It’s the worst one we’ve ever seen. Play it safe but don’t let it hit the coast. Not if you can help it.” 

     They all chorused their understanding before their Drifts were initiated. Ursa winced when her mind began to slide against Cullen’s. This time though, they saw their first meeting. The first time their eyes met. His disdain and her sorrow for him. Both were uncomfortable with the feelings they received in the Drift but it was no time to worry. As the three Jaegers were dropped into the attack zone, all they could think of was killing the monster. 

     It was a rough fight. It took all of their focus and strength to even knock the Kaiju off its feet, let alone kill it. The Divine held it while Charger emptied a clip into its belly. Still, it writhed. With a shot of its long and pointed tail, it pierced through the arm Ursa controlled. She cried out as the old nerve pain was revived. It burned up her arm, a reminder of what had gotten her to this moment. 

     “Ursa!” Cullen shouted. 

     “Shit,” she hissed, switching her controls to her other arm. He did the same. “I’m fine. Just...kill this fucking thing.” 

     In their Drift, her pain echoed along with her grim determination. She blazed with strength, her chest heaving, tongue between her teeth. He was struck by her, his awe causing her to pause before they pushed forward. Her gaze flicked to him for a moment before focusing on the task at hand. He shook off the feeling, ignoring it for what was important. She followed suit. It was not the time to inspect their feelings. Together, they struck the Kaiju in the face until it crumpled. Still, it wiggled in their grasp. It took one final hit to bring it down for good. One solid shot with the plasma cannon  and it stopped moving. With the fight done, Ursa slumped. 

     “It hurts,” Cullen said. He couldn’t feel it, not really, but she was letting the links in her suit hold her up and her mind was slow. 

     “Like a bitch,” she agreed. 

     “Can you make it back?” he asked. 

     She nodded, flexing her fingers and causing her body to shudder. 

     “Don’t do that,” he said quickly. Her mind quaked, memories of breaking her arm in high school flowing between them. The pain wasn’t the same but it was there. A shiver of grim misery working its way into their minds. “Don’t think about it.”

     “I’m trying but that’s the issue with nerve damage. It hurts,” she said through gritted teeth. She dragged her feet to keep them moving, growing paler and paler with each step. A memory she’d been trying to hide worked its way to the surface as they moved, her mind no longer able to keep it at bay.

_      “So my arm and leg will be okay?” Ursa asked Solas. _

_      The doctor nodded as he put away his instruments. “But only if this doesn’t happen again. I could reverse this once. Any more and you’ll begin to lose some feeling, if not all of it,” he said.  _

_      “Could I...pilot...without them?” she asked. _

_      “Possibly, depending on the severity of the loss of sensation. I wouldn’t worry now. You’re fine,” Solas said.  _

_      Ursa nodded. “Okay.”  _

     “Ursa…” Cullen didn’t know what to say.

     “It’s fine. I’m fine. I didn’t mean to show you…” she bit her tongue so hard blood seeped into her mouth. She winced. 

     “We’re nearly to the pick up point,” he said, watching her arm where it lay limply at her side. 

     “Mhm,” she hummed. 

     She was tired. Her body sluggish. She’d pushed it this far and the ache in her arm had gone from searing to a settled pulse. Her mind was a frazzled mess but she pushed forward until she heard Cullen tell her it was time to stop. She let herself hang once more, her eyes closing. Someone was pulling on her suit, releasing it with the emergency latches. She mumbled but didn’t fight, exhaustion claiming her. 

     Cullen let her sink into his arms. She looked vulnerable there, barefoot and in her usual clothes instead of protected by her suit of armor. He swung her upward, cradling her against his body. Warmth surged in his chest and he was grateful the Drift had been closed. Unbidden, the image of her leaning against him, lips parted and eyes dark, came to him. She hadn’t said it, but he’d known. She’d wanted him to kiss her. And he hadn’t. He’d let her run away. He pushed her hair away from her face, unable to stop the slight smile her sleepy mumbling caused. 

     “I’m an idiot,” he said softly as he waited for the carrier planes. 

     She curled her head closer to his chest, her good hand clinging to his shirt. They stayed like that until they heard a voice calling into the hatch. Cullen called back, waiting for them to come take her but when Solas reached out, Cullen couldn’t let go. Solas studied his face before pulling his arms back and nodding.

     “Bring her up here,” Solas said. “I’ll exam her arm on the flight back.” 

 

     CULLEN watched Solas move Ursa’s arm. He tapped spots on it, watching her body’s reactions and taking note. Cullen was trapped in his own mind. She’d leaned into him. She’d given him an opening and he’d stepped back, panicked. He’d thought it was too much. He’d thought he could never feel anything like that for anyone. But when she’d been hurt and pushed on something other than his respect for her had reared in his mind. He wanted to keep her in his arms when Solas had directed him to put her down. He wanted to inhale the scent of her hair. He wanted to kiss down her spine until he reached the top of the tattoo there. He shook his head. Laying her out on the gurney, he made himself look away. 

     As the helicopter landed, he went to walk in front of the gurney, only to stop when she spoke.

     “Wait. Cullen. Stay, please,” she said it softly, her good hand reaching for him. He stopped. He’d never heard his name from her lips before. He’d been “Rutherford” since their first meeting. She wiggled her fingers. 

     “Please?” she asked again, eyes wide. 

     He took her hand, ignoring how good it felt to have her fingers tighten on his. She smiled, her eyes fluttering shut again. 

     “Thank you,” she murmured. 

     Cullen couldn’t respond. There was emotion building up in his throat. Emotion that he didn’t know how to say, didn’t know how to tell her. So he didn’t. He stayed with her as Solas worked on her arm, even as she slept. He listened when Solas explained the level of damage. He pretended he didn’t see her tear up when she was told she might never hold a ball in that hand again but that she would pilot. Through it all, he stayed beside her. Finally, she turned to him.

     “Thank you...for staying. I know you probably have better things to be doing than sitting here,” she said. 

     “I really don’t,” he replied. 

     She laughed. “Liar. But thanks anyway. At least there’s some good news. I can still pilot. I just need…” Her laughter died down, her eyes falling to her lap.

     “You need to be on the other side,” he finished.

     “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

     He reached over, tipping her chin upward, catching the shock in her gaze before it smoothed out to curiosity. 

     “Don’t be sorry,” he said firmly. “This isn’t your fault. I can switch sides. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” 

     Ursa snorted. “Everything's not fine. It took three of us to get that thing down. It’s a miracle we didn’t all get hurt. Who says the next one won’t finish it?” 

     “Solas is working on that. A way to end this,” Cullen said. 

     “And I hope he gets there before this kills us. I just...I…” she bit her lip and looked away. 

     Cullen knew what she wasn’t saying. He couldn’t say it either. Instead, he stood. 

     “We’re going to play chess,” he declared. “I’ll be right back.”

     “Really, Rutherford? Your way of distracting me from this is to play a game I’m terrible at?” she joked.

     “You’re good at it, you just rush,” he said, “You read a board just as well as I do. And with nowhere for you to jump up and go, this is the best time for you to slow down and actually play.” 

     “So this was a ploy. Injure me so I’d have to be a good chess opponent,” Ursa said with a smile. 

     “You’ve discovered my plan,” he said with an easy grin back, “I’ll be right back.” 

     Ursa watched him go, a rueful smile on her face. She looked up when Solas re-entered the room. 

     “So I’m going to be able to pilot again,” she said with a smile.

     “Yes. But if your arm gets hit one more time you’ll lose all use of it. I won’t be able to reverse the damage,” he warned a second time.

     “I know,” Ursa said with a sigh. 

     “I am working on a way in. If we could get into the Breach...I have a theory of a hive mind. A single queen below. We kill her, they all die and there’s no more attacks. It’s just the getting to her. Once that’s done, we’ll send you in,” he said.

     “You make it sound easy,” she commented.

     “It isn’t. It never will be. But it’s a plan,” he said.

     She looked over at him. “Do you see what we feel in the Drift?”

     “Yes,” he said easily. 

     “So you know,” she sighed.

     “Of course. I know about you both. All of you. It’s my curse to carry just as yours is the Drift,” he said. 

     “Does he?” she couldn’t finish the question, instead touching her lip and looking down.

     “I can’t tell you his mind. He needs to do that on his own. But you know he cares for you. He held your hand even in your sleep. He wouldn’t leave your side. Take comfort in that kind of care,” he said. She nodded, waving slightly as he once more left the office. She leaned back on the pillows and stared into the light on the ceiling. 

     “I’m screwed,” she muttered. Closing her eyes, she waited for Cullen to come back.

 

     CULLEN wished no one would be in the common room so of course, it was full. Sera and Cole were watching TV, Cassandra and Leliana were doing a puzzle, and Dorian was reading, his head on Bull’s lap. They all looked at him when he entered the room.

     “I just need the chess set,” he mumbled.

     “How is she?” Dorian asked. He’d stayed outside the door when it had become clear Cullen wasn’t leaving. He’d seen the crisis on the other man’s face and hadn’t wanted to interrupt. 

     “She’s fine. Solas has her arm wrapped for a bit but she’ll pilot again, it’ll just be a bit stiff,” Cullen told them. 

     “How is she feeling?” Cassandra asked. 

     “She’s...joking,” Cullen said. Cassandra smiled briefly in relief. “Good. That’s good.”

     “We’re going to play. Take her mind off of this,” he said, scooping the chess pieces into the worn box and folding the board up. 

     “How are you?” Cassandra asked. 

     “I’m fine,” Cullen said briskly. 

     “You’ve figured it out,” Cole said sagely. “That’s good. The clock isn’t forgiving. It takes and takes until all you have are regrets.” 

     Cullen blinked. “Yes...well. I told her I’d be right back.” 

     He ducked from the room, only to be stopped by Dorian at his elbow. 

     “You should tell her,” Dorian said, any signs of his usual humor gone. 

     “Tell her what?” Cullen asked. 

     “How you care. Cole might be odd but he isn’t wrong. There is never enough time. Especially with what we do. Tell her. Before it’s too late,” Dorian said. 

     “I...I don’t…”

     “Don’t bother lying to me,” Dorian said with a shake of his head. “You’ve finally figured it out. She was only a few days ahead of you, really. Now you both just need to do something about it. Do it before someone else does.”

     “I can’t,” Cullen said miserably. 

     “She isn’t Rosalie. She isn’t going to die. We’ll end this. And what happens when it's over? Do you want her to walk away? Do you want to be alone again? If you don’t tell her, you will be. Telling Bull how I felt was the best thing I’ve ever done. We all have baggage, Rutherford. It’s how you choose to carry it that matters. Tell her.” 

     Dorian clapped him on the shoulder, ignoring Cullen’s flinch at the touch. He nodded wisely before going back into the common room, a snarky comment on his lips as the door swung shut. Cullen watched him go before shaking off the conversation and heading back to the infirmary. 

 

     URSA was very good at chess when she wasn’t distracted. She curled her legs tighter underneath her on the bed and absently pushed her loose bra strap up her shoulder as she watched Cullen make his move. She shook her head. 

     “Are you backseat playing?” he asked. 

     “I’m just going to take it,” she told him. 

     “It’s staying right there. Take it, if you want. I have a plan,” he said smugly. 

     “Yeah. Well I have a better one,” she said, knocking his piece off the board. 

     “So you’re just as ruthless at chess as you are at fighting. Good to know,” he said, steepling his fingers and studying the board. She chuckled. 

     “I didn’t used to be. I was too small to be good at anything but being tossed around. I was a partner dancer’s wet dream. Small, light. Easy to toss in the air. Didn’t talk back to anyone. I even wore clothes that covered my body. Shock, right?” she said mockingly. 

     “It is. I can’t picture it,” he said. 

     “Yeah. Well. I don’t think my family would recognize me now. You know, the day I found out they died, I shaved my head? I went straight to the salon and had them buzz it off. My roommate cried. She asked how I was going to put my hair in a bun now. I don’t think she understood what had happened. Not really. I dropped out two days later. She cried then, too. She was too sensitive for the way the world went...I wonder if she’s still alive?” she mused to herself, stopping when Cullen caught her hand as it hovered over her knight.

     “I like who you became, despite the trials that made it happen,” he said seriously. 

     She smiled, a tight pull of her lips. “I do, too. Sometimes I...I wonder what I would’ve done if they hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be here, that’s for sure. And just thinking that is so impossible. I was scared shitless when I entered the academy. On my first day, this group of guys pushed me into a wall. They pinned me there. Touched me. Then they made a bet I wouldn’t make it a week. When they left, I cried for a bit but then I realized something. The person who had walked in those doors wouldn’t last. They were right. So I promised myself I would do what I needed to do. I wasn’t going to drop out. I wasn’t going to die like my family had. I wasn’t just going to survive. I was going to  _ thrive. _ In my first sparring match I asked for one of them to fight me. I broke his nose. Rage suited me. So I let it be my armor. Until it was what I had. I built a new me around it. Long after I was done being angry, that person stayed. Sarcasm, a good body, and an ability no one else had got me through that. I was...I was floating until I got here. Until I had to...well. I hate to admit it, but the Drift gave me more than I thought it would.”

     He stared at her, surprised by her confession and unsure where to start. She took his pawn.

     “Oh. If you tell anyone that, I’ll remove your balls, Rutherford. So be warned,” she said breezily. 

     He made his move without really looking. He didn’t care if she beat him. Not now. 

     “I think you’re remarkable,” he blurted, blushing when she looked up sharply. “To go through so much before even joining the fight. I don’t know if I could have done what you did.” 

     She laughed self-consciously. “Oh come on. You followed your sister here. You took care of her. That takes strength too.”

     “I had planned to join the army even before this. My family hated it. They wanted me to go to college. Get a degree. Not put myself in the line of fire. This was always going to be what I did,” he said. 

     “You’re built for this,” she said softly, her eyes sweeping down his neck and then back up. “It’s easy to see. You belong in the fight. What do they think now?”

     “I...I don’t know,” he confessed.

     She moved her queen before asking, “You don’t know?”

     “I haven’t spoken to them in two years.”

     Her eyes shot up. “You haven’t spoken to your family in two years? Since Rosalie died?”

     “I...I couldn’t. They...they must blame me for her loss. I blame myself. I couldn’t make myself...then it was too long. Even Mia stopped writing eventually. My mom used to call but she gave up some time last year,” he said. 

     She leaned forward, the board wobbling. “Rutherford! You have to talk to your family! They lost a daughter and instead of being able to help you, they must feel like they also lost a son! Call them! Tell them you’re sorry! That you’re an idiot! That you love them! Do you know what I’d give to be able to say that to my family?” 

     He swallowed thickly. “Ursa…”

     “No! I’m going to play that card. My family is dead. Everyone I loved is gone. I haven’t even spoken to my college roommate in years and we were best friends. She could be dead and I wouldn’t know. I feel shitty about that everyday and she’s not even my family. You’re squandering your chance to talk to them. I’d call my brothers  _ every day _ if I could. Pick one of them. You’re doing it today. I can’t believe they can see you on the news but you won’t talk to them! Not okay,” she said, her righteous fury lighting her eyes. 

     He started at the chess board. His hands shook as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He handed it to her. 

     “You pick,” he said, his voice deeper than she’d heard it. She flipped the phone in her hand. 

     “Your sister,” she decided, unlocking the phone without a thought, “It’s easier with a sibling. Your mom will just cry. Your sister will yell. That’s easier.” 

     “You...You do it. I’ll take it, I promise. I just can’t…” he trailed off helpless. She hesitated then pushed the rolling table away, the chess pieces rattling. She patted the bed beside her. He moved to sit with her. She took his hand as she found Mia’s name in his phone. He took a deep breath as she hit dial, bringing the phone to her ear. 

     “Hi,” she said, her voice more chipper than usual. He closed his eyes. “Hi, Mia. This is Ursa Lavellan. Yes, that one. No, no, he’s fine. He’s right here. Well, he’s an idiot, but he’s fine. Yes. He wants to talk to you. Here.”

     She handed him the phone, watching his face go pale. Her restraint snapped when fear filled eyes met hers. She touched his cheek, caressing gently. “I’m right here,” she whispered. “I’m not going to leave. Talk to her. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

     He nodded and with a shaking breath, he lifted the phone to his ear. “Mia. Hi.”

 

     MIA Rutherford hung up the phone with shaking hands. She leaned on the sink, tears dripping down into the soapy water.

     “Mia?” her mother asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

     “Nothing,” Mia said, beginning to laugh, “Oh my god. Nothing.” 

     “Who was it?” her mother rubbed her back as she giggled uncontrollably. 

     “Cullen. Mom. It was Cullen,” she said. 

     Her mother froze. For a minute they simply stared at one another, Mia with a helpless smile and her mother in shock. Mia laughed again and pulled her mother into a hug. 

     “It was Cullen,” she said again, convincing herself that it had indeed been her brother. When her mother began to cry, she held her tighter. “It was Cullen,” she whispered. 

 

     CULLEN hung up the phone and dropped it to his lap. He tried to wipe away the tears but Ursa pulled his hands away. 

     “She was happy,” she guessed. 

     “She yelled, but yes. I...I told her I’d call them all tomorrow. Branson, my brother, will be at their home then. They...they all live together now. To keep an eye on one another. Thank you,” he said, shock coloring his tone. She rubbed his hand before gently tracing the line of his veins up his arm. 

     “You’re welcome,” she said softly. “Cullen, I-”

     He stood so abruptly that she fell to the side. 

     “I have to go,” he said. “Will you be there for that call? Mia asked about you.”

     He was avoiding looking at her. She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. 

     “Right. Yeah. Of course. Of course I will. I’ll see you later, I guess?” she asked.

     “Yes. I’ll bring you dinner later. I just, have to go,” he said. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he rushed to the door. She groaned in frustration as soon as he’d left. 

     “It was too much. If you’d said it, told him and made it concrete he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself,” Cole observed from the doorway. Ursa jumped.

     “Oh! Cole! You know, you shouldn’t listen into people’s conversations like that,” she said, her hand falling over her face. 

     “It’s not my fault people leave doors open,” he said with a shrug. 

     She waved her hand at him before sitting up. “Tell me, Cole. Am I being an idiot? It’s the end of the world and I’m worried that my crush doesn’t like me back. Is that dumb?”

     “It’s not a crush. You watch him when you think no one sees. You pass him extras of the food he likes even if it means you don’t get any because you know he doesn’t eat. You tell him to go to bed when he looks tired. You  _ care _ . It’s not dumb to care. Every time he seems overworked or too tired you try to help and then you push yourself instead. I might not know much about love, but I’d assume that’s what it looks like,” Cole said. 

     Ursa laughed. “You have the best way of making things that are complicated seem simple.” 

     “They are. People are not. You take care of the Captain. He’s your lion. The lion at the side of the queen. It’s what they call you two. You know that. It’s the truth. You would sacrifice so much for each other but you won’t say it. You’re both bleeding out with it. Anyone could see it if they paid attention,” he said. 

     Ursa shook her head. “People are complicated, Cole.”

     “It’s why I work on machines,” he offered, causing her to snort. “Beautiful things. Simple. Easy to follow the rules.”

     “Someday you’ll meet someone,” she said softly. “Then you’ll realize it’s worth it to break the rules.”

     “So you’re going to tell him?” he asked. 

     “Maybe,” she said thoughtfully. “I want to. At this point it just feels worse to not say it. He knows, anyway. Words just make things more tangible.” 

     “They do. I don’t know why. Your arm will be fine this time. I just wanted you to know. You don’t need to worry so much about it. You’ll be able to help them win, still,” Cole said. She smiled at him.

     “Thank you, Cole.”

     He nodded before melting back into the hall. She sighed and threw the blanket off her legs. 

     “No more pity, Ursa,” she told herself. “Get your ass in gear.” 

 

     CULLEN hid in the library. He knew if she wanted to find him she could but he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. It was where Cassandra found him. She sat beside him in silence for a few minutes before handing him a memo. It was a meeting with Solas the next morning. 

     “He has a plan. We’re going to end this,” she said. “So whatever’s bothering you, it has to wait. Don’t let it cloud you. You don’t need to tell me, but work it out before we have to do this or put it on pause.”

     He nodded. She left the paper with him and stood. 

     “You deserve to be happy,” she said. “Whatever it is, I hope it can make you happy in the end.” 

     He watched her walk away, all the while wishing it was Ursa who had found him. He leaned back and stared blankly at the paper not seeing the words. He’d cut her off. Run away from words he knew in that moment he couldn’t handle. She’d given him everything back. The warmth in his blood was her. His sister’s voice was now colored with Ursa’s whispered promise to not leave him. His need to fight boiled with the thought of her beside him. He had fallen so irrevocably he didn’t know if he could ever unwind his life from hers. But he’d run from her own confession. After the meeting he would tell her, he decided. After they figured out how to end this war he would confess his feelings, for better or for worse. 

     As the hours ticked by he stayed there, staring at that paper until the words bled together. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas explains his plan. Ursa learns more about Dorian. Cullen and Ursa talk to Cullen's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I'm actually nearly done writing this piece! Chapters are going up as I have time to really edit them (I do it at least twice) but we should be finished soon. I'm so happy with the comments you've been leaving and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I'm also glad the slow burn is killing you, too. It kills me to write it. Keep commenting and reading! Thank you guys so much <3

Chapter 6

 

     THE meeting was set to happen directly after breakfast the next day. Ursa and Cullen had eaten dinner as usual but they’d been quiet, both lost in their own thoughts. The others had noticed, assuming it had to do with Ursa’s arm in a sling. No one really spoke through the meal, Ursa only mumbling when she couldn’t use her arm. Cullen helped her cut her food, ignoring her glower. When dinner ended, they all went straight to their rooms. No one wanted to talk much. Though sleep evaded them for hours, both Cullen and Ursa stayed in their own rooms, thinking over the changes that had come to their lives so quickly. It was a long night and Ursa forced herself to shuffle to the dining hall, yawning widely as she got there.

     When they got to breakfast, Ursa leaned into Cullen to ask,

     “Do you still want me there tonight?” 

     He nodded, noticing that Leliana was watching them. 

     “Okay. Good,” she said with a relieved smile. 

     “I think they’ll want to talk to you. Mia had some choice words to me but also some good ones about you. She knows you got me to call,” he said softly. 

     “Well then I look forward to the giant thank you I’m going to get,” she teased lightly. 

     He smiled, though it was small. “Yeah. I owe you one, too.”

     “I know,” Ursa said, breezing by him to get her morning coffee. He shook his head with a rueful chuckle, jumping with Leliana touched his arm.

     “You called Mia?” she asked, her voice quiet so no one could overhear. 

     “I did,” Cullen said slowly. 

     “And she got you to do it,” Leliana said, nodding to where Ursa was pouring creamer into her coffee. 

     “Yes,” Cullen said. 

     “Interesting,” Leliana hummed. She stepped past him, stopping at his shoulder. “She’s good for you.”

     Cullen snorted as she walked by. But as he turned to watch her, his eyes were drawn to another form. A smaller woman with a swinging walk and thick, auburn hair. A woman who’s clothes might have made him angry when he first met her but now felt like a part of who she was, a sign of her strength. A woman who turned to look back at him as she sat down, a smile curving her pink lips. Before he could even think about it, he smiled back. 

 

     SOLAS stood in front of Blackwall and the pilots, a screen lit up behind him. 

     “I’ve called this meeting to discuss the closing of the Breach,” he started. “Thanks to advances here as well as in conjunction to other domes, we’ve figured out that the Kaiju function on a hive mind. They all share one collective consciousness. I believe it’s linked through one Kaiju. A single being that pushes all the others forward. To end this before our world is destroyed, we need to kill her. The queen. Like a bee in a hive, they all work for the queen, drones who do her bidding. They take over worlds so they can collect resources to bring back to her. Once the queen is dead we believe that the hive will fall. Without her directions, they have nothing to follow and we’ll be able to close the Breach for good.” 

     “So how do we do it? It took all of us to take down a class 4,” Cassandra asked. 

     “We’ll be collaborating with the other domes. We’re not the closest to the Breach but you are the strongest pilots. All three Jaegers will be active as well as two from the American dome and two from Hong Kong. The others will watch the coastline while we’re there in case anything else tries to get in during our attack,” Blackwall explained. 

     “When will this happen?” Ursa asked. 

     “As soon as we can get everything together. It could take weeks or months. It depends on further attacks. The other domes aren’t as strong as ours. If they fall, we’ll be left as the only stronghold. We’re trying to update our remaining Jaegers before we’re deemed unnecessary. Already the council is hoping to dismantle us. They think the program is failing. We’re the only ones who haven’t lost any pilots in current attacks. They want to build a wall and dismantle the program. This is our last chance,” Blackwall said. 

     “Wait, they want to shut down the program?” Dorian asked.

     “They’ve already shut down the academy. No incoming recruits. The rest that are already in the program are being placed in military attack units or being let go. We’re the last of the resistance and we need to make it count,” Blackwall said gruffly. 

     “Why...They think a wall is going to stop those things?” Ursa said, her voice shrill.

     “They only see it on the TV. They only see the destruction. The death. They see us fall and they focus only on that. They don’t see it the way we do. They don’t see the wins. To them, the pilots are failing. This is a fight we can no longer win. It’s only a matter of time before they call an end to the Jaeger program and I want to finish this before that happens. Let’s focus on the one battle we can fight. The one you’re all trained for,” Blackwall said. 

     “How long have you known?” Leliana asked. 

     “A couple months,” Blackwall admitted.

     “Is that why everyone put in bids for me?” Ursa asked. “It seemed too good to be true.”

     “Yes. We all knew the program was sinking. We all wanted the best of the best which included you. You were one of the last true successes of the academy, ” Blackwall replied. 

     “And putting me in a Drift test with Cullen?” Ursa asked, her eyes flicking to her left where Cullen sat before focusing back on their commander.

     “I had hoped it would work. You were both out of the game and refused anyone else I put forward. You got the last group of recruits to test with and you destroyed them all. You were the last hopes for each other. I’m relieved it worked between you two,  but I couldn’t have forced that if the tests hadn’t shown compatibility,” Blackwall said.

     “No, but you could have told us why you made us try it when neither of us wanted to,” Cullen said. 

     “But I didn’t. Focus on the problem at hand. We must close the Breach or the world will fall to these monsters. We can’t let it,” Blackwall said. 

     All of the pilots glared at him. Ursa crossed her arms over her chest. Solas stepped forward in the silence. 

     “The plan is solid. The other domes are preparing. We are doing as much to upgrade your Jaegers as we can. Your trainings with Vivienne will continue, this time all together. We can’t Drift you all together so you need to work as if we have. You all care for each other. There is your strength. Use it. This is our last chance.  _ Your  _ last chance. Work together and get this done,” he said. 

     Heads turned as the pilots all looked each other over. Slowly, they began to nod. 

     “We’re not happy with you lying to us,” Bull said to Blackwall. The commander nodded. 

     “Noted.”

     “But we’ll do our job,” Dorian finished.

     “And we’ll do a damn good one,” Ursa said firmly. 

     “I would expect nothing less,” Blackwall said. “You’re dismissed. Vivienne will expect all of you in one hour.”

     They all filed from the meeting room, breaking away into their partners without speaking. Cassandra and Leliana linked arms, their heads pressed close together. Dorian and Bull began to walk away, only to clunk against the wall as Bull kissed Dorian desperately. Ursa smiled to herself at the action before looping her arm through Cullen’s and pulling him towards the library. 

 

     CULLEN felt his mouth go dry when they were finally alone. She smiled up at him and his heart beat frantically. 

     “Don’t,” he said quickly. She looked confused. 

     “Don’t what? I haven’t said anything,” she said. 

     “Don’t say it. Not yet. Whatever it is, just don’t,” he said. 

     “Rutherford…” she trailed off, twisting her fingers in her loose hair where it sat at her shoulders. She looked past him down the line of books. “You know what I’m going to say. Why bother pretending you don’t?”

     “Not until after I talk to them. I can’t...I just can’t have anything else change. Not yet. Please,” he said, the last word falling quietly from his lips. She looked up first to his lips then his eyes.

     “Fine. But I don’t want to wait anymore, okay?” she said. 

     He nodded, his heart pounding so loudly he thought she could hear it. 

     “I’m going to change. I’ll see you with Viv,” she said, her hand carelessly patting his shoulder as she walked past him. When had he gotten so used to her touch? 

     “Don’t overthink everything, okay? It’s good. Your family, I mean,” she said, turning to walk backwards down the hall. He forced a smile. 

     “I know.”

     “No you don’t,” she said with a small smile, “But you will. See you soon.” 

     When she was gone, he groaned, drawing glances from a group of engineers passing by. He blushed, waving before lowering his head and walking quickly to his room. He needed to change as well. He had a feeling Vivienne wasn’t going to be kind to them. 

 

     VIVIENNE was conspiring to kill them all. Or so they all thought. An hour into her three hour lesson, they were all panting, dripping in sweat, and begging for mercy. Vivienne gave them none.

     “Up! A Kaiju won’t allow you a water break!” she snapped at them. 

     Ursa collapsed back, her legs splayed out in front of her, chest heaving. Cullen leaned on his knees, trying to take a deep breath. Vivienne smacked him with a sparring pole so he stumbled. 

     “Up!” Vivienne said again. 

     He nodded, offering Ursa his hand. She groaned before taking it, letting him pull her to his feet. 

     “She’s going to kill us before we even have a chance to try for the queen,” she puffed. 

     They both looked up as Vivienne smacked Bull hard in the back. He took a single step forward, turning towards her with a bewildered look on his face, a water bottle in his hand.

     “Try to kill me,” she challenged him. “All of you. Try to hunt me. Together. You can’t outright hit me. No fists. Work as a team to catch and kill me. If you can do it I’ll let you out early.”

     “Oh, you’re on,” Ursa said, wiping sweat from her face with the back of her hand. 

     Two hours later, they’d had no success and instead were collapsed in a giant, sweaty, pile on the floor. Vivienne had evaded them for hours, moving quickly and easily through a makeshift maze. No matter how close they got, she kept getting away, smacking their fingers with her sparring pole until their knuckles were red and aching. When she’d called the end to their training, the pilots had all collapsed to the ground in a heap. Ursa’s head was on Dorian’s stomach, his on Cassandra’s leg, her upper body draped over Cullen who was slumped back on Leliana, all pillowed by Bull. They couldn’t get up the energy to move. Dorian groaned loudly. 

     “Have I mentioned I detest exercise?” he said.

     “You picked the wrong profession, then,” Ursa huffed. 

     “It chose me, I assure you,” Dorian said. 

     Ursa patted his leg and sighed. “I need a shower.”

     “I think we all do. I don’t know if this sweat is all mine anymore,” Cassandra said, grimacing at the thought.

     “And on that note…” Ursa said in disgust, pushing herself to her feet. The rest of the group followed. The chorus of groans and moans of pain made Vivienne smile in satisfaction in her office.

     “You’re cruel,” Josephine said. She was sitting at Vivienne’s desk filling out paperwork. Vivienne smiled.

     “They need to survive, dear. Do you think they can do it without working together? By the time I’m done they’ll be good at working as a team. It will be second nature. They just need to work on it. Being one step off from one another could get them killed. I simply want them to understand that,” Vivienne said. 

     “And you’re going to make sure they do,” Josephine said.

     “It’s my job,” Vivienne said with a shrug. 

     Josephine laughed before going back to her work. 

 

     VARRIC caught up with the party of pilots as they trudged back to their rooms.

     “Not now,” Ursa groaned. 

     “Relax. I’m not here for an interview. I heard Vivienne was putting you all through the ringer. I wanted to see,” he grinned.

     “Asshole,” Dorian said without much venom. 

     “Never claimed to be anything else. You all look like hell. What could she possibly do to the best pilots in the world to make you all look like this?” Varric asked. 

     “She tried to murder us,” Ursa said. 

     “Really?” Varric asked avidly. 

     “No. Not now. I need to shower. And then die. All before dinner. Later,” she said, trudging past him.

     “You all are no fun,” he said to their backs. None of them responded. 

 

     URSA found Dorian in the common room staring blankly at the coffee table. They’d both showered and relaxed for an hour before wandering from their rooms.  He was the only one in the common space. She sat down across from him.

     “You didn’t have a choice, huh?” she asked softly. 

     He didn’t look up.

     “Dorian...I’d like to believe we’re friends. Which means you can trust me. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but if something’s bothering you…” she trailed off as he looked up. His dark eyes were pained, all humor gone from his face. 

     “My father kicked me out when I was 14. He was a CEO of a big company. One of those online retailers. One of the only ones that survived the market crash after the first attack. Very anti gay. Anti many things, really, but the gays were his big campaign. Wanted to keep the country “clean”.  It only got worse as time went on. Even before the attack he thought the country was falling to shit. He cited things like the UK leaving the EU for why it mattered, but really, he was just scared of change. When I refused to change my lifestyle to suit his needs, he made sure I was no longer viewed as his son. My mother was too drunk to care so when it got too hard, I left. For a few years I lived on people’s couches but when I could, I joined the army. It was the only thing a kid like me could do. There was nowhere else to go. When the Jaeger program took effect, I was one of the first recruits through the door. They made it seem like we’d be superstars. And they were right, but at the time, all I could think of was that I was finally getting away from my father. He wanted to change me. He tried sending me to hypnotists and psychologists. Right before I left I found out he was going to have me taken to one of those camps. The ones where they try to make gay kids straight. My own father would have kidnapped me and tried to brainwash me until I wasn’t me anymore. I never regretted leaving. But then... right before we went to that training today I found out...my father died. Not of this war. Heart attack while driving. He crashed his car in a safe zone inland. He wasn’t even supposed to be on a Pacific coast. He lives on the fucking North Atlantic. But he was here for work. His lawyer called me. He...he named me his heir. I’m supposed to take over his business,” Dorian said numbly.

     “Dorian…” Ursa breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

     “I don’t know if I am,” he confessed. “Do you love your family?”

     She bit her lip. He’d offered her this much, she could give him the same in return.

     “I did. They died. A little over 5 years ago, now,” she said. 

     He did the math quickly, taking her hand tightly in his own. “Right before you joined up?”

     She nodded. 

     “I’m so sorry,” he said.

     She shook her head, fighting back tears meant for them both. “It’s okay. Every day is a little easier. It’s been a long time. But we’re talking about you. Do you love  _ your _ family?”

     “I loved my father, once. I just wanted to make him proud. But he wanted to  _ change  _ me. I don’t think I’d like the Dorian he wanted me to be. I hadn’t spoken to him since I was 14. Until today, I hadn’t even thought about him in the past 7 years. Now I’m expected to pick up where he left off. Bull. Well, he’s Bull. Sweet, but not one for the big decisions. He told me to do what would make me happy which isn’t the most helpful advice So, Queen of the Fade, what do I do?” he asked.

     She scoffed. “Don’t ask me. My family died and I threw myself into fighting aliens. My choices are obviously skewed.  Do what feels right for you. At the end of the day, you’re the one who needs to be happy. Bull’s right about that.” 

     Cullen knocked on the doorframe as he entered, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets. His hair was still wet from his shower and Ursa could smell his soap from her chair. 

     “It’s time,” he said. 

     “Right,” she nodded. She turned back to Dorian. “Whatever feels right for you. That’s what matters, okay? Find me later if you need to.”

     Dorian caught her hand as she stood. “Thank you. And I am very sorry for your loses.”

     She smiled at his sincerity. “And I’m sorry for yours, as well. I consider you my friend, Dorian. A good one. And not someone who needs to change. Ever. Anytime I can help, please find me.”

     He smiled at her, warmth and appreciation filling his gaze. “I will,” he said.

     She squeezed his hand before looking at Cullen.

     “Where do you want to do this?” she asked.

     “Um...my room?” he said, his words hesitant. She nodded, though her heart beat faster at the thought.

     “Okay. Lead the way.” 

 

     “DORIAN is going to tell everyone you whisked me away for some dirty reason, just wait,” Ursa said, trying to lighten the mood. Cullen only spared her a small smile before continuing to worry.

     “Hey,” she caught his arm outside his door. “Look at me, Rutherford.”

     She waited until he looked down at her. “This will be fine. They love you. They’re probably going to be so relieved to hear from you, no one will even be pissed yet. Except Mia. I get the feeling she’s pretty good at being mad at you.” 

     He took a deep breath and pushed the door open, using his shoulder to force it open. She chuckled.

     “Stupid doors.” 

     He smiled fleetingly but it fell as the door shut behind them. Ursa took in his room as he paced. He had the same bed and desk but his decorations were sparse. There were books on the desk and a grey laptop with worn keys sat open next to them. He had only a single picture in the room. It was of him and his family. They all looked so young. 

     “Oh wow, is this Mia?” Ursa asked, peering into the bright gold eyes of the smiling girl. She’d only ever seen Mia in his memories. The picture gave a sharper focus to the woman. 

     “Yes,” he replied.

     “She’s gorgeous. Like you. It’s not fair. You’re all so good looking,” Ursa complained.

     “And you aren’t?” Cullen asked before thinking. He blushed when she looked at him sharply. 

     “Was that a compliment on my appearance?” she asked jokingly. 

     “You don’t show it off because you hate it,” he said, trying to get himself out of the situation he’d just put himself in. She shook her head, an amused smile on her face.

     “Nope. Not that easy. Do you think I’m pretty, Rutherford?” She crossed her arms and stepped up into his space, her chin tilting upward so she could look into his eyes. 

     He blinked and cleared his throat. “I think...we should make this call.” 

     “Fine. But I’m not forgetting this,” she said. 

     “I really didn’t think you would,” he muttered before sitting on his bed. She sat beside him and reached for his hand. 

     “Do I need to do this one too?” she asked, no judgement in her voice. 

     “No. I can do it. Mia will have told them by now. They’re probably all waiting by the phone,” he said, nervous energy causing his knee to bounce. He didn’t move to dial. 

     She gently flattened her palm on his leg and took the phone from his hand. She unlocked it and found Mia’s number. 

     “Ready?” she asked.

     He nodded. She pressed the call button and they waited.

 

     MIA jumped up as her phone rang.

     “Mom! Dad! Bran! It’s him! Get in here!” she shrieked. 

     She heard them scrambling to get to the room as she tapped the green phone and put it on speaker. 

     “Cullen?” she asked, her voice trembling.

     “Mia,” his voice echoed as if he had her on speaker as well.

     “Is she there?” Mia asked as her parents and brother reached the table. She held up her hand, waiting for the answer.

     “Hi Mia,” the thickly sweet voice that had first spoken to her said. 

     “Ursa,” Mia greeted warmly. 

     “Is...everyone else there?” Cullen asked. 

     “Cullen!” their mother cried out, covering her mouth and taking a deep breath before continuing. “We’re all, sweetheart.”

     “Mom.” They heard his voice tremble and a soft whisper followed. He took a deep breath and continued. “I’m so sorry for not calling-”

     “No! No! Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry. I should have come to see you. I should have kept calling. Anything. You’re my son. This is not your fault,” she cut him off.

     “It’s a little his fault,” Ursa said dryly, saying what Mia was thinking. 

     “Who...who’s that?” Branson asked.

     “Bran?” Cullen asked, his voice breathless.

     “Hi everyone. I’m Ursa. Ruther- Cullen’s co-pilot,” the woman’s voice said, sounding embarrassed. 

     “She’s the one who made him call me,” Mia explained. 

     “I can’t believe no one did before me,” Ursa said. “Then again, I’m not sure anyone else had sufficient guilt material to make it work.” 

     Mia grinned, already liking the girl. 

     “You guilted Cullen into calling home?” Branson asked, making it sound absurd. 

     “Yep. My family’s dead. If I could, I’d talk to them all the time,” Ursa replied.

     There was a terrible pause before their mother broke in. “You poor dear! Well, when this is over, you make my son bring you here. We’ll have dinner. After everything you’ve done, you deserve it. Besides, I’ve never met one of my son’s girlfriends. He never brought anyone home.”

     There was a pained silence in which Mia wondered how red Cullen had turned. 

     “She is your girlfriend?” their mother said uneasily. 

     “To be determined, Mrs. Rutherford,” Ursa said. Her words were followed by the sound of a smack and a high pitched yelp.

     “Did my brother just hit a girl?” Mia asked, trying not to laugh.

     “He claimed he could kick my ass when he first met me,” Ursa said. “He couldn’t, but he sure did try. Yell at him for that.”

     Mia did begin to laugh then. “Oh, I like you,” she said approvingly, “Do make him bring you home with him when you’re done. I want to meet you in person.” 

     “I’m not sure I want that,” Cullen said, his voice tight. 

     “Man up, Rutherford,” Ursa said. They could hear her smile and fondness. Mia and her mother exchanged looks. If they weren’t together now, they would be. It was only a matter of time. 

     “Dad?” Cullen said hesitantly. The room fell quiet once more. 

     “Son,” their father said gruffly. Only those who knew him well would know he was blinking back tears.

     “I’m sorry, dad. I tried to get to her...I…” Cullen’s voice broke, Ursa’s soothing murmurs clearly not for their ears. Mia’s eyes burned as she looked down at the scratched kitchen table. 

     “You listen to me, son,” their father said, leaning closer to the phone. “You didn’t kill your sister. It is not your fault. No one here blames you for Rosalie.”

     Cullen inhaled sharply. 

     “I told you,” Ursa said gently. 

     On the other side of the world, Cullen gripped her hand tightly and pressed his forehead to the top of her head. Ursa’s eyes squeezed shut at the touch. Cullen very rarely initiated a touch. The fact that he was leaning into her so heavily spoke volumes about the weight lifted off his shoulders. 

     “Cullen?” Mia’s voice came across hesitantly. 

     “Yes?” he said softly.

     “We love you. I know I missed you so much. Please...don’t go so long without talking to us again, okay?” she said. 

     “I’d kick his ass if he did,” Ursa promised.

     Mia laughed, soft chuckles joining hers. Ursa marveled at how alike they all sounded when they laughed. It was a sound she coveted from Cullen. She’d memorized its cadence. Mia shared it as did his brother. 

     “I have no doubt you would,” Mia said. 

     A quiet fell over the groups, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, their mother spoke.

     “If you don’t make that girl your girlfriend you’re going to regret it,” she blurted. “I’ve seen your interview footage. I just assumed...don’t be an idiot.” 

     “Mom!” Branson and Mia cried out as Cullen groaned and Ursa laughed. 

     “Thanks for letting me be on this call,” she said, her giggles subsiding, “I’d forgotten what it was like to talk to a family.” 

     “Oh, sweetheart. You have one in us even if our son is a complete idiot for the rest of his life,” their mother said, “You can call me mom. Or Rebecca, if that’s more natural. Rebecca Rutherford. It is quite lovely to meet you, even if it is only your voice.” 

     Ursa wiped tears with her hand and tried to hide her sniffle. “Thank you,” she said. Cullen, his face still bright red, hugged her briefly to his side. 

     “And I’m Howard,” his father’s voice said through the phone.

     “Howard and Rebecca. It’s nice to speak with you. I promise he’ll call again soon,” Ursa said. 

     “I believe you, sweetheart,” Rebecca said warmly. “It must be getting close to dinner time there. Go eat, you two. You need it. You come back alive, you hear me? I expect to see you both here on my porch in the near future. No excuses.” 

     Ursa laughed, turning her face into Cullen’s shoulder. 

     “Yes, mom,” Cullen said, his laughter vibrating through her ear where it was pressed to him. 

     “And Cullen, you snatch that girl up before someone else does. She’s good for you. Don’t go getting pigheaded about it now,” Rebecca said firmly. Cullen flushed again and Ursa slid away from him on the bed to give him space. 

     “Mom! Drop it!” Mia hissed. Ursa laughed out her own embarrassment. 

     “We’ll go eat,” she said.

     “Yes. Go. Before she proposes to you for him,” Mia said. Ursa giggled. She said goodbye and listened to the chorus of farewells before patting Cullen’s arm and getting up to leave. She wanted to give him a moment alone with his family. He smiled at her gratefully, his eyes unburdened for the first time since she’d met him. She wanted to kiss him but she held back. He wanted to wait, so she would. She nodded before ducking out the door. 

     She leaned back against it when it shut, blowing out her breath slowly. She’d forgotten how good it could feel to have a family. She’d been focusing so much on the next day, the next moment,  she hadn’t thought about what would happen when everything was over. She found she wanted to go to his home with him. She wanted to laugh with Mia. She wanted to be embarrassed by his mother. She wanted to play chess with his brother. She wanted the family they were offering her. She bounced her head off the door once, hoping he didn’t hear it.

     “Stupid,” she hissed at herself. “Stupid, stupid.”

     “While you are, I’m not sure why you’re announcing that in front of our resident hot and brooding captain’s door,” Dorian said as he passed. Ursa jumped.

     “Oh! It’s nothing!” she said.

     “Right. And I’m the leader of the Kaiju. Come on. You can tell me about it over boxed mashed potatoes. It will be delightful,” he said, offering her his arm. She laughed, rolling her eyes, and took it. 

     “No promises,” she warned. 

     “I live for a good cliffhanger,” he said. 

     She looked over her shoulder at Cullen’s closed door. “Yeah, well I’m sick of this one,” she confessed. 

     “Then tell me all about it. I’ll hang off the ledge with you,” Dorian said. 

     Ursa turned back to him and leaned her hip into his. “Okay then. Brace yourself….” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Kaiju attacks, leaving Skyhold tense. The moment you've all been waiting for is here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I had so much fun writing this and playing with the canon of the scene. I hope you enjoy it. I'm writing the last chapter now, so updates will probably be faster. I go back to work (high school) next week so I'm hoping to be finished posting at least by next weekend.

Chapter 7

 

     CULLEN had promised himself he’d talk to Ursa after the phone call with his family. Except that the day after he could hardly speak to her without turning red. And the day after that, she spent all her time tied to Dorian’s hip, Bull towering over them. And then, the day after that, A Kaiju attacked the Hong Kong coastline and killed four pilots. By day four, they were too busy training and on day five, another attack prompted the alarm to go off at five in the morning, sending them all scrambling. 

     “Ursa!” Sera cried when Ursa was hurrying by to Ferelden Fire.

     “What?” Ursa snapped, spinning on the engineer. 

     “Fade is fixed. She’s ready to fly out if you are,” Sera said. “I know it took some time...you really fucked her up- but you can hop right in. If you like.”

     Ursa stopped short. Ferelden Fire was right in front of her. But Fade, the Jaeger that had been built for her, was back in working order. She looked between Ferelden Fire and Sera. She’d been trained to do it alone. She could. She was strong by herself. But then thoughts of Cullen rose in her mind. His grim determination when they trained. His laughter when she said just the right thing. His head on her shoulder when he’d spoken to his parents. His gentle hands when he’d held her after she’d hurt her arm. The scent of his soap right after he’d showered. His soft jokes, said as if he wasn’t quite sure what fun was anymore. The scar on his lip crinkling when he was annoyed with her. 

     She didn’t want to do it alone anymore. She wanted to stand beside Cullen, come what may. She shook her head. 

     “Sorry, Sera. I have a co-pilot to meet,” she said, running for Ferelden Fire. 

     Sera watched her go. She pouted as Cole stepped next to her.

     “They’re figuring it out. They’re stronger together,” he said.

     “Whatever. We did all that extra work for nothing,” Sera pouted. “Guess she’s going to scrap.” 

     “No,” Cole said vaguely. “I think before this is over we’ll need Fade. Keep her in the secondary bay.” 

     Sera snorted and turned on her heel. The pilots were being put into their Jaegers. They needed to clear out of the bay until they came back. 

     “Good luck,” Cole told the Jaegers before backing out of the bay. 

 

     URSA rushed into the hull, nearly jumping into the boots of her suit. She didn’t get a second to greet Cullen when Blackwall’s voice came over the speaker.

     “So this is your choice?” 

     Ursa nodded firmly. “Yes, sir.”

     “Choice?” Cullen asked. 

     “Neural drift initiated.” 

     Cullen jolted into the recent memory. Fade was fixed. But she’d thought of him and run for Ferelden Fire without a second thought. He couldn’t help the warmth that spread through him at that.

     “Let’s go!” Cassandra’s cry rang through the intercoms. Together, Ursa and Cullen nodded.

     “Let’s do this,” Ursa said.

     “I do love some violence before breakfast!” Bull laughed. 

     The three Jaegers were dropped in. It took their full concentration and strength to take it down. They worked as a team as Vivienne had taught them, working to anticipate the next blow before it landed. Hits rattled them but no one fell. It was a long and gritty fight, the Kaiju taking hit after hit without going down. Finally, The Charger emptied a clip into its head and it fell, it’s blood poisoning the water once more. Ursa blew out a sigh, letting herself lean back into her holds for a moment. 

     “Is it just me, or did that take us way longer than usual?” she asked. 

     “4 hours and 3 minutes,” Cassandra replied readily.

     “It seems like they’re getting stronger,” Leliana said.

     “And we’re not,” Cullen said. 

     “Lovely,” Dorian said dryly. 

     “Can we just go home? Discuss this sometime later? Preferably when we’ve had time to sleep?” Ursa groaned. 

     “I think a good fuck is in order,” Bull said.

     “Oh my god I couldn’t even think about that without wanting to pass out,” Ursa replied as they made their way to pick up point. “How do you even have the energy?” 

     Bull’s chuckle was the only response. The other pilots laughed with him, all relieved to be alive and unhurt.

     “Nice work,” Blackwall said over the intercom. 

     A chorus of thank yous met him.

     “Get back here. Sleep it off. We’ll debrief after dinner. You’ve earned a break, albeit a short one,” he continued. 

     “A short one, he says. I think I could sleep for a week,” Ursa groaned.

     “When this is over, I’m buying a nice bed and not leaving it for a month,” Cassandra said. 

     “I didn’t think you knew how to do anything but work,” Dorian commented. 

     “Necessity, that’s all. A good rest would do us all some good, I believe,” she replied. 

     “That I can agree with,” Dorian said. 

     They lapsed into quiet, Cullen turning to Ursa.

     “You turned down Fade,” he said. 

     Ursa looked up. Their mics were still on but she was too tired to care. 

     “Yep,” she said. 

     “Why?” he asked.

     “You were just in my head, Rutherford. You tell me,” she said shortly. She was too tired to play the games they’d been hiding behind. The others were silent on their ends. She wished one of them would speak. 

     “I thought…” he trailed off. She turned to look at him, giving in to a sense of pity when she saw his confused expression.

     “I didn’t think it was safe to run into this fight on my own. Not anymore. Maybe I’ve grown up some, huh?” she said. 

     “You’re still reckless,” he said with a small smile. 

     “Yeah, well, I lighten up your boring ass,” she joked. 

     “You wound me,” he said. 

     “Yeah, right,” Ursa clicked her tongue. “After talking to Mia, I’m sure you have a thicker hide than that.” 

     Cullen froze and Ursa realized her mistake immediately. She mouthed her apology as Cassandra jumped on the information.

     “You spoke to Mia?” the woman cried through the intercom.

     “Yes,” Cullen said slowly. 

     “And your mother? Your brother? Your father?” Cassandra demanded. 

     “Yes. All of them,” Cullen said, praying for their pickup to come faster. 

     “When?” Cassandra asked. 

     “Cass…” Leliana chided softly. 

     “A few days ago,” Cullen answered stiffly. 

     “Okay,” Ursa snapped when she heard another intake of breath.  She knew Cassandra was going to start grilling him. She also knew he wasn’t ready for that. “Let it go. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I forgot the mic was on. Drop it. It was weird enough to live it, we don’t need to relive it now.” 

     “You were there?” Cassandra asked. Ursa didn’t answer, not wanting to continue the conversation. They waited in tense silence for the rest of the time, all relieved when the helicopters came into sight. 

 

     CULLEN was reeling when they got back. He watched Ursa go without protest, needing to sort out his own thoughts. She’d said no to her Jaeger. The one made for her. Her pride, her baby. For him. He didn’t want to think about what that meant but still, he tried not to hope it was what he wanted. He had never brought a girl home to his family because no one had ever been important. Quick, one night stands or short flings had made up his romantic life. No one had ever stayed still with him long enough for him to even consider introducing them to his family. The thought panicked him. He wanted to bring Ursa home with him when this was done. He wanted to tell her about his childhood. He wanted a lot of things he’d never thought about before but he wasn’t sure how to ask for them.

     With a start, he realized he could call Mia now. He could talk to her. He could ask her opinion  and even let her yell at him for being an idiot. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out his phone and dialed her. Her sleepy voice greeting him on the third ring.

     “Mia? Yeah, I need some help….” 

 

     URSA showered and laid on her bed sleeping through the afternoon, dreams of a golden haired man pressing her to her bed keeping her occupied. When she woke she wallowed in her own mind before sighing.

     “I think I need to take this into my own hands. Enough is a enough,” she told the picture of her brothers. “You always said to take what you wanted, didn’t you guys? And I think he wants to be taken. I’m pretty sure. Yeah. Okay. I just need to find him….” 

 

     DORIAN found her first. 

     “Ursa!” he called after her, hurrying down the hall. 

     “Yeah?” she turned, continuing to walk backwards. 

     “I turned down my father’s company. They were relieved. He’d been grooming someone else for it. The man was elated when I signed it all over today. I just had the papers sent back. I feel...lighter,” he said, a smile lighting his face. 

     Ursa looked at him softly. “Good, Dorian. I’m glad you’re happy about your choice.”

     “Are you?” Dorian asked bluntly so Ursa blinked at him. The change in tone was abrupt and off putting.

     “We’ve all watched you two dance around each other for weeks. It’s getting painful. Did you know no one had ever met Cullen’s family? We knew about them, of course, but even Rosalie used to complain that he played it too close to the vest. He never took anyone home. No one who could hurt them if they left. But you….he lets you speak to them. In fact, I’m betting he asked you to do it. You liked Mia. From what I understand, she’s the hardest test to pass. Rosalie used to say that Mia’s approval mattered more than their mom’s when it came to Cullen. She’s his best friend. You care. He clearly cares. You’re both radiating so much tension, Bull’s been getting a contact high from it. I’m chaffing. So when are you going to make the move? Because it’s getting painful to watch,” Dorian said. 

     “I was just going to look for him, if you must know,” Ursa replied. “I figure it’s about time.”

     Dorian’s face lit up. “Oh! Well then, don’t let me stop you!” 

     She grinned back. “Thanks, Dorian. And congrats on not taking over a company.”

     “You find me after. I need to know what happens!” he said gleefully.

     “Obviously. I’ll need to gush to someone,” she said. He ducked down a hall as she walked on. She laughed, stopping when she spotted a familiar figure in the common room, pacing back and forth.

 

     CULLEN stopped moving when Ursa walked in the room. She closed the door and leaned back against it, her gaze helplessly on his.

     “Hi,” he said, swallowing hard.

     “Hi,” she said softly. 

     “I wanted to-”

     “I thought we could-”

     They both started speaking at the same time only to stop. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and Ursa chuckled. 

     “I thought we could take a walk,” she said.

     He nodded, eager to do anything other than stand still and stare at her. She smiled encouragingly. They walked out the door together, the silence thick. 

     “They fixed the doors,” Cullen said.

     “What?” Ursa said bluntly, turning to look at him. He blushed.

     “Nothing just...the doors...they don’t...stick. You wanted to talk?” he said hopefully.

     “Not about the doors,” Ursa said, turning to step in front of him, her hands on her hips. She stopped walking abruptly, her head tilted to be able to look up into his face. 

     “Right. I just…” he sighed and looked past her. “I’m not good at this. I’ve thought about what I would say to you if we ever got this far.”

     She smiled. “And? What did you come up with?” 

     Cullen reached out, his fingers trembling. He traced her cheek, watching her eyes flutter shut for a moment before finding his once more. Such a simple touch and already, they were both breathless. 

     “I came here to help fight a war,” he said, his voice scratchy, “I didn’t think I’d find anything like this. I never thought I’d find…you. I didn’t know there could be anything like you.”

     Her lips parted, eyes going dark like they had that time in the closet. This time he didn’t retreat. He didn’t flinch. Instead, he let himself be drawn in.

     “But you want it?” she breathed, her face tipping upwards. He could feel her breath on his lips. 

     “Yes,” he said softly. 

     He cupped her cheek more firmly, leaning in, eager to finally feel her mouth on his. He’d dreamt of it. Hoped for it. Pretended he didn’t want it only to end up standing right here, his most secret and sweet desire cupped in his hands. He was a breath from her when someone turned the corner. 

     “Cullen!” Cassandra called down the hall, not seeing Ursa where she was dwarfed by his form. 

     Cullen turned, fury in his eyes. She recoiled, catching sight of the smaller woman and knowing immediately what she’d interrupted. 

     “Oh,” she faltered. “I’m sorry.” 

     She took three quick steps back before hurrying down the opposite hall. Ursa laughed. 

     “That’s going to be all over the dome in minutes,” she said. “Do you think- mhmph!” 

     Cullen’s heart pounded. Ursa’s lips were moving and all he wanted was to touch her. He was so close. He could smell her rose body wash on her skin. He couldn’t wait any more. Not for anything. So he did it without a thought. He lunged into her, his mouth catching hers and swallowing her sound of surprise. For a moment, her hands lifted in clenched shock but then she softened, her lips opening beneath his and her hands curling around his shoulders so he could feel her nails through his shirt. 

     She tasted sweet, her tongue bubblegum in his mouth. He couldn’t help the groan that rose in him when she pushed herself up on her toes to be even closer. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, her gasp fueling his need to have her close. He hitched her higher, holding her up on the tips of her toes as he explored her mouth. Her bare skin was warm in his touch, making him growl when she pulled away to suck in a breath. 

     “Have I mentioned how much I love your clothes?” he said with a breathless laugh.

     “I believe you’ve told me they’re unladylike,” she replied, a smile curving her red lips. 

     “I take it back,” he said, pushing her back against the wall and tracing a hand down her bare stomach. Her back arched into the touch and he chuckled, flicking the dainty, silver ring in her belly button.

     “We’re in public,” he chided her, hands on her hips to feel her body roll. He didn’t try to stop the movement, only enjoy it. 

     “Don’t be a dick, Rutherford,” she tried to snap back, her breathless voice giving her away. He pushed his palm flat against her ribs, his fingertips brushing the bottom of her shirt.

     “Are you sure you don’t like it?” he asked.

     She laughed, curling her arms around his neck and hugging tightly. “If I’d known you’d be such a tease, I would’ve jumped you earlier.”

     “So you can dish it out, but you can’t take it?” he asked.

     “I never felt you up in a hallway,” she laughed, her arms beginning to slide from his neck. He didn’t want her to let go yet.

     He hugged her back fiercely, pressing a kiss to the curve of her throat. She let out a sound of contentment before pulling back and kissing him again. It felt like perfection. She never wanted to stop. Her hands gripped his hair as their mouths moved together. She’d never fit so well with anyone before. There hadn’t been many she’d truly wanted and no one like Cullen. It felt like happiness to have him pressed against her. She smiled into his mouth, tongue tracing the bottom of his scar. He pulled back, his breath shaking.

     “If we don’t stop…” he trailed off, his knee pressing between her thighs. He didn’t even know when he’d done that. She’d pushed at his control since the first moment he’d met her. It shouldn’t surprise him that she could do so now. She nodded.

     “Yeah. I don’t want to, though,” she said with a laugh. Her fingers ran gently over the stubble on his cheek. 

     He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes at how good it felt to have her this close. 

     “I don’t either,” he confessed. “But we’re in a hallway and it’s not time yet.”

     She carded her fingers through his curls, settling them back into some semblance of order. 

     “No, you’re right. Like I was saying when you so rudely interrupted, Cassandra’s going to tell everyone. We probably have a few minutes of blissful enjoyment but then we’re walking into the lion’s den,” Ursa said, smiling.

     “Rudely?” he asked, pressing a light kiss to her nose so she giggled. “I think it was more gallant. Romantic. A sweeping gesture.” 

     “You keep telling yourself that,” she said, pushing him back gently. He let her herd him back, knowing that if she didn’t, he’d press her back against the wall again and this time, they’d have really given Skyhold something to talk about. She smiled at him, wide and bright and unlike anything he’d ever seen. He looked down, suddenly bashful. She laughed. 

     “Come on,” she said sweetly, linking their fingers, a dusty rose coloring her cheeks. “It’s nearly dinner time. I’m hungry.” 

 

     CASSANDRA told Leliana first, her words a babbled mess. It then got to Dorian, who was less than surprised, and Bull, who laughed loudly and announced it so it took off through the dome. When the two walked into dinner hand in hand, people cheered. They both turned red but they didn’t try to escape or pretend it wasn’t true. Instead, they smiled at one another, a private look shared in a public space and meant only for each other. 

     “Look at how they look at each other,” Leliana said softly. “I’ve never seen…”

     Cassandra shushed her as they drew closer.

     “We have a bet going. I think it only took five minutes. He says ten. Which was it?” Ursa asked, sliding into her seat, tray in her free hand. 

     “I’d say more like five for it to hit the immediate vicinity,” Dorian said. 

     “Told you,” Ursa said, nudging Cullen’s shoulder with her own.  

     “I had more faith in Cassandra,” Cullen replied. He didn’t seem upset though. He smiled at his friend, Cassandra looking back in shock.

     “You seem…” she trailed off.

     “Happy,” Leliana continued. 

     “I’d hope so,” Ursa said. She traced light patterns on the back of his hand. “Or else all that PDA was for nothing.”

     “Ursa!” Cullen yelped. 

     “You pushed me against the wall in the middle of a hallway. You don’t get to be shocked at me saying it now,” she said with a smirk. 

     His answering smile made the other pilots marvel at them anew. When Cullen leaned in to press a kiss to her smiling mouth, even Dorian gasped.

     “Oh,” he said, interest kindled. “It seems our reckless newbie has rubbed off on our collected captain.” 

     Cullen leaned back, red in the face as Ursa touched her lips gently. 

     “I think that might be considered PDA,” she said lightly. 

     Cullen only began to eat, studiously ignoring his friend’s curious gazes. Ursa smirked and began to eat her own food, sneaking glances at him out of the corner of her eye. 

     The pilots ate dinner fairly quietly, the four of them watching the new couple. When they finally broke from their early dinner they met with Blackwall. He didn’t have very good news.

     “This was a simultaneous attack. Three more Jaegers have fallen with 5 pilots dead. What we have now is what we’ve got to attack the Breach and kill the queen,” he said grimly. 

     “How many pilots are left?” Leliana asked.

     “Including you? 8 sets that are fully trained. 3 of newer recruits that made it through the academy and a backup team of Navy trained soldiers to guard the coast.”

     “That’s…” Cullen trailed off, unsure of how to put it. 

     “Less than half of what we thought we’d be working with,” Blackwall finished for him. “I know. It puts a tremendous strain on all of you. I didn’t want it to go this way. But the world is coming to an end whether we like it or not. Our time table is now accelerated. We’re working on some upgrades for your Jaegers and then we’ll be putting the plan into motion. The faster we do this, the faster we all get to go home,” Blackwall said. 

     “Commander, what happens if there’s another attack? Won’t that set us back?” Cassandra asked. 

     “Regrettably, yes. Solas is working to try and predict when the next attack will hit but it’s not a guarantee he’ll succeed. I want you all to continue working with Vivienne. You’ve been doing good work with her. She can prepare you to work as one mind. I’d like to extend those workouts by another hour every day. We need you all ready. Good job today. You all deserve some rest. Go get some,” Blackwall finished. 

     They left the meeting all a little bit more down than they’d gotten there. As they left, Cullen watched Ursa catch Dorian’s arm. 

     “Let’s chat,” she said. Dorian grinned back and nodded. She turned to smile at Cullen.

     “I’ll find you later, okay?” she said.

     “You have to. Mia wanted to talk to you,” Cullen replied. 

     Dorian’s eyebrows raised but he said nothing. Ursa nodded. “This shouldn’t take too long,” she said. 

     “I’m hurt,” Dorian joked.

     “Yeah, right,” Ursa said, pulling Dorian down the hall with her. Cullen watched them go, a small smile tugging on his lips. 

     “You’re in deep,” Bull rumbled from behind Cullen. The blonde turned, looking up at the taller man.

     “I guess I am,” he said. 

     “Not even denying it. When ya popping the question?” Bull joked. Cullen blushed but didn’t respond, causing Bull to study him more seriously. “You thinkin’ of going all in, Cap?” 

     Cullen sighed and pushed his fingers through his curls. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. 

     Bull chuckled. “Well, when you do know, make sure you tell her. I’m sure she’ll be eager to hear.” 

     Cullen turned hesitantly. “I...I heard she turned you down.”

     Bull grinned widely. “Yeah. I thought she might. No harm done. Dorian’s my one and only, she just would’ve been fun.” When Cullen scowled, Bull roared with laughter. 

     “She was right. It is easy,” he commented before giving a two finger salute and wandering away. 

     Cullen was left to head to his bedroom alone and wait for Ursa. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa talks to Mia. She and Cullen discuss their relationship. There's another attack and the face of the final battle changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Two in one day (kind of since it's technically tomorrow). Enjoy!

Chapter 8

 

     DORIAN chuckled as Ursa blushed. She shook her head at his lifted eyebrows.

     “So easily embarrassed, Lavellan! I had expected you to be able to take what you give out,” he teased.

     “We haven’t done that...not yet,” she murmured. 

     “But you want to,” Dorian crowed. 

     “Wouldn’t you?” Ursa demanded. 

     “Please. I’d bang that man in a heartbeat if he’d let me. Which is why I’m begging you.  _ Please  _ do it soon so I can live vicariously through you,” Dorian said.

     Ursa laughed. “Don’t you have Bull to ride?” 

     Dorian grinned smugly, rose tinting his cheeks. “I do. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a fine specimen when I see one.” 

     “Fine. Some details. But not too many or he’ll kill me,” Ursa said. 

     “Deal. Now. Let’s talk about something else. Keep him sweating for a bit,” Dorian said gleefully. 

     Ursa put her feet up on the table in front of her. “What do you have in mind?”

 

     CULLEN waited for about an hour. He spent the time answering emails and pretending he wasn’t waiting. It was excruciating. It was a relief when Ursa knocked on his door.

     “It’s open,” he called. 

     She stepped inside and smiled at him. He was helpless to do anything but smile back. 

     “Sorry,” she said, “We got talking.”

     “It’s alright. I hadn’t checked my email in days. Gave me the time to do it,” he said. 

     Ursa’s gaze slid down his body before resting back on his face. “You said Mia wanted to talk to me?” 

     “She does. But first…” he trailed off, unsure how to ask for what he wanted. But Ursa knew his mind. She’d been in it, seen all of him, and she understood without words. She walked forward, slowly straddling his legs and sitting on his lap. Her fingers went into his hair and he had to look up to see into her bright eyes. 

     “Why didn’t you let me tell you earlier?” she asked, her voice husky, “We could’ve been here before.”

     His hands rested on her hips, fingers massaging the skin there gently. “I was scared,” he said honestly. “You are...so alive. In a lot of ways you remind me of Rosalie. The things about her that made me better are all in you. Everything that made me feel strong, you give me. That is so terrifying. She died doing what we do. She died linked to my mind. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you two were alike and I hated it. Then we got to see one another and you’re so much more than I expected and that was worse. I liked you. You became my closest friend in a single day. To lose that, it felt like that would kill me too. And then...I was fighting it. Pretending it wasn’t there because that would be too much. You’re so beautiful and you use that as a shield. I’ve never met anyone like you. To admit how I was feeling, how I knew you were feeling, would mean I’d let myself go. It opened us up to more pain. I don’t want to take it back but I find myself worrying more for the future now.” 

     She cradled his face in her hands, her lips parted slightly and awe in her eyes. “You’re my best friend,” she told him. “To lose you in any way would kill me. I already know that. I’m glad you let me in at all. I’m glad Blackwall forced me to do this. Mostly though, I’m glad that I’m right here, right now.”

     She spoke so sweetly, so earnestly. Cullen knew no one else heard this voice. The one that held the pain of her losses but also her hope. The one that went with her softest smile. As he leaned up to kiss her, he wondered what she would look like in the morning when she’d just woken up. He wondered if she would want a cat or a dog. If she would smile at him with such joy when this was over and she met his family. He kissed her and silently promised her everything. He couldn’t replace those she’d lost but he could build a happier future for her and for him. With his admittance of his feelings for her, he’d freed himself to think past the dome and the war they constantly waged. In its own way, it was freeing. 

     His hands roamed her back, tracing the pattern of her lace racerback bra underneath her grey, cropped, T-shirt. She smiled as she leaned back to take a breath. 

     “You can touch me,” she whispered. “I’ve waited long enough.” 

     With her encouragement, his fingers slipped beneath the shirt at her back. She caught his mouth once more as he traced the bones and muscles of her shoulders. He ran his hands down her back, cupping her ass and pulling her harder against him. She could feel his growing interest between her splayed thighs. She grinned into their kiss, pulling her mouth away and peppering kisses across his cheek and down his neck. 

     “I wasn’t lying when I said I haven’t done this a lot,” she said before biting the curve where his shoulder met his neck. He groaned as she sucked on the spot, a red mark left behind when she pulled away. “It really was only high school and my college roommate. I’m not very...experienced.” 

     “You’re not convincing me,” he said as she switched to the other side of his neck. 

     “Well, you make me want to be a very good student,” she purred, tipping his head gently so she could reach his skin. 

     He slipped his hands into her shorts, gripping her bare skin so she whimpered and wigged her hips. His want for her had been roaring in him since that afternoon. He’d dreamt of her before. Since their first Drift she’d starred in his dreams. Sometimes as a comforting presence and sometimes as the center of his lust. He had always woken and pushed it from his mind. Now he couldn’t. Didn’t want to. She bit his ear and he moaned, hearing his own voice mix with her light gasp. She was grinding on him, her mouth a sin he would gladly go to hell for. She bit at his neck, his lips, caught his tongue between her teeth teasingly. He growled and stood, holding her up with his hands still down her pants. Her legs wound around him as he turned them towards his bed. She giggled when he dropped her, her shirt riding up so he could see the blue lace of her bra. He paused at the sight, her arms above her head, auburn hair tousled around his pillow, green eyes dark and lips upturned. She smiled at him.

     “Come here,” she said. 

     He climbed over her to lay beside her. She turned onto her side, arm tucked under her head. 

     “I didn’t want to do this right away,” he confessed. She watched his eyes.

     “Why?” 

     “I’ve always slept with women quickly. None of them mattered so it was easy. We fell into bed and then they walked out. I didn’t want you to be like that. I didn’t even want you to think it for a moment,” he said. 

     She touched the scar on his lip absently. 

     “We’ve been in each other’s minds. I know you. I might not have seen all of your romps, but I did understand. We’re connected more than you could be with anyone else, anyway. I never felt like you would take advantage of me. If you want to wait, I understand but it wouldn’t matter. Not in the way you’re thinking. I’ve felt this way probably for longer than I admitted to myself. I definitely had a crush on you long before I even met you. I want you because it’s you. And you’re hot. But mostly just cause it’s you,” she joked with a smile that he returned. “I can wait, though. As long as you don’t stop kissing me.”

     Cullen wanted to be with her but he didn’t think it was the right time. Despite her feelings, he didn’t want her to regret it later. On their first day admitting to one another how they felt, if they fell into bed together it might be problematic later. So he nodded, slid his hand along her bare waist, and pulled her closer for a soft and chaste kiss. 

     “Not yet,” he said, “Soon, but not right now.”

     Ursa nodded, her face so close that her lips brushed his nose with the movement. “Okay. Kiss me, Rutherford. You’re talking too much.” 

     An hour of lazy touching and the fevered pressing of their lips and tongues ended when Cullen’s phone rang. Ursa rested her head against his shoulder and laughed.

     “She isn’t very patient, is she?” she asked.

     “Would you be?” Cullen replied, reaching over her for his phone. 

     Ursa liked Mia but would have rathered spent her evening kissing her new boyfriend. She wondered if that was even the right word. Cullen was more than that to her. Her partner. Her co-pilot. Possibly the only person in the world she was truly willing to die for. She could even admit to herself that the hour of light touches and discovery, mixed with whispers and murmurs, had been better than any sex she’d ever had. She wasn’t ready to tell Mia that, though. As Cullen answered the phone, she watched him in contemplation. 

     “We were busy. No, we weren’t having sex! Jesus, Mia! Here she is. No, I’m not leaving the room. It’s my room. No. No. No- Fine,” Cullen argued, handing the phone to Ursa with a glower at it. “Come get me when you’re done.” 

     “Oh, here. Take my key. You can wait in my room,” she said, tossing him her room key. “Seems only fair.”

     He nodded, sitting up and heading for the door. She watched him go, blushing when he caught her staring at his ass. He looked at her with cocked eyebrows and a smirk, making her blush harder.

     “Hi, Mia,” she said forcefully into the phone, waving him away. “Yeah, he’s just leaving.” 

 

     MIA Rutherford grinned at Ursa’s voice. She already liked her brother’s new co-pilot and now girlfriend. The woman didn’t mince words and obviously cared for Cullen. It was a combination Mia had been waiting for since Cullen had been 14 and lusting after a pretty brunette with a penchant for Shakespeare and sarcasm. When that girl had ended up being less than perfect for him, Mia had pulled him aside after dinner and told him to wait for the right one. That he’d know when he met her. She would probably annoy the hell out of him but it would be for the right reasons. She got a feeling Ursa Lavellan had pushed all of Cullen’s buttons on their first meeting. She wished she could have seen it. It might’ve taken the end of the world, but Cullen seemed to have finally found someone worth his time. 

     “So this is usually the part where I’d threaten to kill you if you hurt my brother but A: I’m pretty sure you could kick my ass in your sleep and B: from what I know of the Drift and what it entails, you never could or would. So instead, I wanted to talk about you. If that’s okay,” Mia stated. 

     Ursa laughed, leaning back on Cullen’s pillow and trying not to be embarrassed that she inhaled his scent so deeply. 

     “Well, I think in a rage you might be able to take me but you’re right about the Drift. I’d never hurt Cullen,” Ursa replied, her voice softening on his name. She hardly called him by it, knowing that if she did, everyone would know how deeply she truly felt for him. She didn’t want that given away. Not yet. Not until she’d told him. 

     Mia called her on it just as Ursa knew she would. “Not if you say his name like that, you won’t. You love him, don’t you?” 

     Ursa nodded. “Yes,” she said softly. 

     “Good. I like you. I want you to stick around. I don’t think I ever said my ex’s name that way so you have more going for you in a new relationship than I did in 7 years of marriage,” Mia said. 

     “You were married?” Ursa asked in surprise. Cullen had told her the family now all lived together but she hadn’t considered any of them had gotten married or lived outside of their unit. 

     “Yep. We got divorced 4 years ago. Thank god. It was not a good match. Not like you and my brother,” Mia said slyly.

     “How about we don’t plan a wedding until after the giant, killer, aliens are gone?” Ursa said.

     “Fair. So. I just wanted to get to know you. You’re the one who got him back into our lives. Even if he didn’t love you, we would just for that. It was...the worst two years of our lives. He just disappeared. And we knew why. He’s always held the world on his shoulders even when it wasn’t his burden to bear. But he wouldn’t listen when we tried to tell him Rosalie wasn’t his fault. Rosie was always a little crazy. Cullen called her reckless but he said it with love. I think he envied that part of her. We all did, a little bit. He went with her to keep her in check. I’m sure he thought that he messed up somehow but really, I think he kept her safe far longer than she could’ve done on her own. You would’ve liked Rosie. She was a lot like you,” Mia said thoughtfully.

     “He’s told me that. You should have heard how many times he called me reckless when I first got here,” Ursa said. 

     Mia laughed. “I don’t doubt it. Cullen’s way of dealing with things is to block them out. You probably pushed all of his biggest regrets right into his face. He must’ve hated it.”

     “He did. Until our Drift I don’t think either of us considered ever being friends, let alone where we are now. I made him uncomfortable and me being me...well I enjoyed making it worse. The Drift showed us both how alike we really are,” Ursa said. 

     “Can you tell me about it? I know it’s really personal. I don’t need any details. It’s just, Cullen wouldn’t tell me and Rosie said it was too private. I’m just curious,” Mia asked. 

     Ursa smiled. “Sure. I would’ve told my brothers if they were still around. I bet they’d want me to tell you.”

     “You had brothers?” Mia whispered. When Ursa had told them her family had died she hadn’t considered what that could mean. Mia couldn’t imagine a world where her whole family was gone. With only her sister gone the world seemed a dimmer place. 

     “Two. They were my best friends. Younger than me but it never mattered. We did everything together. They made fun of me and I yelled at them but we loved each other. I miss them so much,” Ursa said, the words spilling out to the woman on the other end of the phone. 

     “I’m sorry,” Mia said honestly. 

     “I am too. It’s hard to go every day without them. But I think I’m making a new family here. Not just in Cullen but in the others. Anyway, you asked about the Drift. It’s like...seeing someone inside and out. The first one is like an introduction. Old memories of being a kid and stuff. Then you get to the newer things. The bits of who they are now. It’s why you need someone you compliment. The Drift relies on the core of who you are and you need to work together. You don’t have to think exactly alike, in fact, it seems better if you don’t. Bull and Dorian are two very different people but they’re amazing pilots because of it. It’s a give and take. But it’s special. You’re linked for the whole fight. I know what he’s thinking as he thinks it and he gets the same from me. It also means we share bits of ourselves we wouldn’t usually tell someone. It promotes closeness almost out of necessity. It’s also why a lot of the older teams were siblings. Same life history can lead to an understanding with another person,” Ursa explained. 

     “But you and Cullen work well together,” Mia said, working it over in her mind.

     “We do. It surprised us both when we tested for it. Didn’t really seem likely. I drove him nuts,” Ursa chuckled. 

     “That’s the best way to start,” Mia replied. 

     “Well I’m not sure about that but it worked out,” Ursa said.

     “Rather well from what I can tell,” Mia laughed. 

     Ursa only joined in the laughter. She hesitated before asking. “What was he like before?”

     “Before Rosie died?” Mia clarified.

     Ursa hummed in agreement. 

     “Fun. Funny. A little bumbling sometimes. Gentle. Soft hearted. I never thought he should go to war. He was too kind. But it was what he wanted. I didn’t have much of a say. We were all so glad he went to keep Rosie in check but I worried about him a lot. He likes to hide his heart, even when it's bleeding. He’s kind of a loner. He has friends. He just doesn’t like to go to them for help so they tend to think he isn’t as invested as he really is. It takes a lot for him to turn to someone else when he needs it. He’s a nerd. Don’t get him started on Lord of the Rings, you’ll want to shoot yourself by the end. He wore glasses until he was 13, then he got contacts. I bet he still loses them all the time. Check his pockets, you’ll find extra disposable ones in them, I guarantee. He didn’t know what to do with all the attention from girls after he got them, so he hid behind me a lot that first year,” Mia laughed to herself at the memory. “Um...he’ll read almost anything, even romance novels, though he’ll tell you he doesn’t like them but I lost many a favorite book to him, so don’t believe it. He’s never had a real girlfriend. I think he’s too scared to let someone in, especially now. You don’t know how glad I am he found you.” 

     Ursa blushed, thankful that Mia couldn’t see it. “I’m not that special.”

     “You must be if he let you talk to us at all. I think you’re underestimating my brother’s ability to hide people he cares about,” Mia said. 

     Ursa snorted. “I had to guilt him into calling you then I had to actually do it. I think I get it somewhat.”

     “Good. Then you’ll believe me when I say that you’re important. When this is over if you aren’t here within a week I’m going to be very mad at both of you,” Mia threatened, a smile in her voice. 

     “We’ll be there,” Ursa said through the lump in her throat.

     “I hope you know that no matter what happens with Cullen, you’re my sister now,” Mia said more gravely. “Mom wasn’t kidding. You’re a part of the family now. Forever. You gave us Cullen back. Nothing could be more important than that.”

     Ursa whimpered. “Mhm,” she whined. 

     “Oh Ursa…” Mia said softly. “Go. Go hug my brother. Let him take care of you. And know, we already love you. We can’t replace what you lost but we can give you something back, okay? Now go. We’ll talk later. Tell Cullen to give you my number. You can call me anytime. Text me. Sisters have privileges, alright?” 

     Ursa hiccuped on her tears. Mia sighed. 

     “Go. Go back to him. He’s going to kill me for making you cry.”

     “Thank...you….” Ursa choked out. Mia said goodbye and Ursa hung up, taking a moment to settle her emotions before leaving his bedroom and scurrying to her own. 

     When she opened the door, Cullen was reading her worn out copy of  _ Good Omens,  _ his feet propped up on the end of her bed.

     “Good talk?” he asked before he saw her face. “Ursa! Are you okay?”

     She fell onto her bed and hugged her pillow, looking up at him with racoon eyes thanks to her running makeup. 

     “I’m fine. Your sister is way too nice to me,” she said balefully. 

     “She made you cry,” Cullen murmured, leaning forward to caress her cheek. 

     “For a good reason,” Ursa said, smiling through her tears. “She called me her sister.”

     Cullen smiled. He put the book on her desk and walked around to the other side of the bed. Sliding in behind her, he pulled her snugly against him. 

     “That’s the highest form of praise. Especially from Mia,” he said into her hair. 

     “I haven’t had a family in a really long time,” Ursa said. “I didn't think I’d ever get one again. Even if I lived through this I thought I’d just end up alone again. It’s too much to hope for. To get something like that back, you know?” 

     “I do,” Cullen replied. “You gave me back my family. I hope they’re doing something like that for you.”

     Ursa rolled over to face him. “I think they will. We talked about you a little. What you were like before. It sounds just like the you I know but Mia made it sound like that wasn’t normal. Have you ever let anyone in?” 

     Cullen watched her eyes as they followed the lines of his face. She seemed to be trying to memorize his features. He liked it. 

     “No,” he told her. “Especially not here. Cassandra is the closest I’ve come. But I couldn’t. It would have been too much.”

     “What made me special?” she asked on a whisper. 

     He studied her eyes as they met his own. “I don’t know,” he said, his voice raw. 

     She tucked her head under his chin, slotting her leg between his and tossing the other one over his waist. 

     “Good. I don’t either,” she murmured. 

     He pulled her blanket out from under them and tossed it over them both. She sighed, her breath tickling his throat. 

     “I’m so tired,” she said. 

     “Me too,” he replied. 

     Her breathing was heavy and even, the beginnings of sleep a promise with each exhale. He let her drift off in his arms. As he too began to doze, he marvelled at how natural it felt to hold her like this. When sleep claimed him, he was more at ease than he’d been in years. 

 

     THE alarm rang the next morning. The sun was just rising and there was a weight across Ursa’s waist. She’d never woken to another person in her bed and she rolled over in confusion, her mind clearing when she saw Cullen’s sleepy eyes blinking at her.

     “Did we sleep through the night?” he asked, his voice rough from sleep. He stretched, body cracking so he winced. 

     “Seems so. But it is only 5:15. Ugh. We have to get up. That’s the alarm,” she groaned.

     Indeed, their names were blaring through the intercom. They had mere minutes to get up and run for the bay. Cullen touched her neck with a warm hand. 

     “I don’t want to,” he said.

     “Me neither but alas, duty calls,” she replied. 

     He sighed but rolled away. She followed suit. She didn’t have time to feel embarrassed as she stripped out of the clothes from the day before. Pulling on a tank top and a clean pair of shorts, she swiped on deodorant and turned to find Cullen watching her. 

     “Not the time,” she said when she saw the look on his face. He shook his head. 

     “Right. I need to get a clean shirt,” he said. 

     “Go. I’ll meet you in the bay,” she said. He took off, knowing that each moment lost was a moment the Kaiju got closer to the shore. 

     When he arrived, Ursa was already strapping in. She smiled at him. “You made it. Thought you might have taken a detour.”

     He glared as the engineers helped him into his suit. 

     “Neural handshake initiated,” the computer toned. 

     Ursa’s conversation with Mia cut through his mind. It was fresh and bright in her mind, a beacon of what could be. Her determination sliced through it, his own memories of Mia and school mingling with her thoughts on his sister. He liked the feeling. As they were brought to the drop point, he chose a memory to show her. His first time wearing contacts. He knew Mia had told her. He wanted to show her. He’d felt as if his face wasn’t his own and when the girls in his class gaped and whispered and giggled, he’d felt as if was suddenly on display. It had been uncomfortable. But still, he liked the feel of his face without the wire tucked against his ears. He liked being able to run without worrying they’d fall off. So he’d made it work, using Mia as a shield for those girls who came at him, stars in their eyes. 

     “They didn’t know you,” Ursa said as they were dropped into the waves.

     “No,” he agreed, “They didn’t.” 

 

     ALL three Jaegers were out of their depth. It became apparent very quickly. This Kaiju was bigger. It had more legs, more claws, and bigger teeth. It didn’t fall for their usual attacks and it brought The Divine to its knees quickly. 

     “Get out of there, now!” Blackwall bellowed, “I won’t lose more pilots to this fight.”

     “No,” Dorian said between gritted teeth. He shot an arm off the creature, wincing as it turned its scream on them. 

     “No?”

     “With all due respect, Commander, no,” Dorian said. 

     “I’m with Dorian,” Ursa said, Ferelden Fire’s fist coming down on the monster’s head. “We can’t let this thing hit the shore.” 

     “Get back here!” Blackwall ordered.

     “No,” a chorus met him. He fumed but could do nothing about it. Helpless, he watched his pilots fight.

 

     CULLEN was sweating. He didn’t like to sweat under his suit. It was hot with no air flow. Beside him, Ursa had her tongue between her teeth, her mind a flow of movements. Still, the Kaiju anticipated half of them. 

     “It’s a fucking hive mind. You think they know how we move by now?” she hissed. 

     “So we need to try something new,” Leliana replied through the intercom. 

     “Something we’ve never done,” Bull said.

     “Fuck,” Cullen said eloquently.

 

     IT went on for over an hour before there was any give on either side. It wasn’t the kind of give the pilots wanted. With one strike and a feral shriek, Ferelden Fire was breached. The right side of the hull was slashed open, the arm removed, and the pilot on that side hit hard with a wave of electricity and the ends of a single claw, blood seeping from the broken armor. 

     Ursa screamed as Cullen fell limp in his holds. His mind had gone blank, the neural load suddenly all on her, causing her to stumble under its weight.

     “Solas!” she cried, trying to hold up a two person Jaeger with only one set of controls.

     “He’s alive. Not faring well, but alive. Get out of there,” the doctor said grimly over the intercom. Ursa looked from Cullen to her damaged screen. In front of her, The Charger was taking the brunt of an attack. It’s gun had been damaged. Inside, Dorian was swearing and Bull was groaning. The Divine had struggled to its feet but Cassandra moaned of a headache and Leliana too seemed sluggish, their movements uncoordinated and slow. 

     “No,” Ursa ground out. Cullen hung limp. Their Jaeger was destroyed and a two person Jaeger was not meant to be piloted by one person, not even one who could take a neural load. Still. Ursa could not allow the Kaiju to reach the shore. Looking at Cullen filled her with rage. She had just been handed a life. One she could finally plan. One with a future and a beautiful man to live it with her. They would not take more from her than they already had. With a groan, she lifted her foot. 

     “Ursa Lavellan! You bring that Jaeger back here. That is an order,” Blackwall shouted.

     “No,” Ursa said through gritted teeth. She walked forward slowly, wincing as the Jaeger’s steps rattled in her bones. 

     “We can do this without you, get him back,” Dorian said. 

     “No,” she repeated, lifting the left arm and calling up the blade installed there. She could feel the blood seeping from her nose. She didn’t try to fight it. Instead, she forced her legs to move faster. “Come on, Fire. Come on. Be like Fade. Show me what you can do,” she muttered. With a yawning sound, the Jaeger began to run. It was slow, a bumpy jog, but it was something. 

     Later, the footage would be played throughout the world. It would be the beacon of hope the Jaeger program had been waiting for. It would show humanity at it’s most beautiful and brutal. But that would be later. Later for Ursa Lavellan to stumble from the broken hull, Cullen Rutherford’s form being dragged behind her. Later for the tears and the tests to tell her she hadn’t ruined her mind and would be able to still fight. Later still to lie beside him and hope he would wake up, only to fall into her own slumber. The now was more gritty. More painful. And that much more inspiring. 

     The Kaiju had assumed wrong. It had dropped the machine into the water and it had assumed that like those before it, the machine would no longer fight. So it turned its back. It focused on its next targets. When Ferelden Fire leapt into the air, a broken arm hanging by a single piece of metal and another with an extended blade attached, the Kaiju didn’t see it. It only felt. The blades were meant for a single stab, not to slice but Ursa was furious. Her head was swimming. She needed to know it was dead. So she hooked the blade into its head and dragged downward, sinking to her knees as she sliced the creature slowly and painfully in two. Every moment hurt her, pain screaming in her mind and her bones, telling her to let go. Give up. Let them come and get her but she couldn’t. She kept dragging the blade deliberately downward, relishing the cries of the Kaiju as it flailed. 

     It screamed for most of it, alive through the attack but unable to stop it. Blue blood poured into the water around them. Ursa didn’t stop until the blade slid free at the base of its tail.  The Kaiju had stopped moving, its body a broken form amid the waves. She smiled once, blood between her teeth, before her body began to lag. 

     “Done,” she whispered, finally allowing the world to go black. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursa and Cullen wake up after the attack. The final plan is revealed. E rating final earns its place here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah we're almost done! I finished writing the story tonight so the last three chapters should be up soon! I'm so excited and a little sad, but I've gotta say, I love this story. Thank you so much for reading. I hope you've enjoyed the journey as much as I have! I think this is the longest chapter so far, as well. 
> 
> The song Ursa dances to is "Dog Days" by Florence and the Machine.

Chapter 9

 

     SHE wouldn’t recall dragging the Jaeger to the pickup point or pulling Cullen’s body from the wreckage. She wouldn’t see the flashlights they shined in her bloodshot eyes or hear the words Solas spoke to her. She could only concentrate on the memories. The Drift. If she was to lose him, she wouldn’t let those go and so she clung to them. She tried to memorize his lips on hers. His smile. The smell of his soap on warm skin. When they drugged her into sleep, she dreamt of him in his glasses and then lying in her bed, a smile in his eyes as he woke to her beside him. She dreamt of the life she wanted. She never wanted to wake up. 

 

     “WILL she live? Will he?” Cassandra asked as she stood above their beds.

     “They will both be fine, though Cullen won’t be fighting in this fight any longer. His arm is shredded. It can be fixed, but not in time. He’s lucky it didn’t get closer to his chest. We might’ve lost him then,” Solas said. 

     “The neural load didn’t damage her?” Cassandra asked. 

     “Not to any true extent. She won’t ever be a rocket scientist, but I don’t think it was on the agenda anyway,” Solas replied. 

     “They’re both going to wake up,” Cassandra said for her own benefit.

     “Yes. Soon, I hope. There are many people eager to speak with them,” Solas said, his distaste coloring his tone. Cassandra was only one in a long line of people who had stopped by to check on them. Solas was sick of it. 

     “Let them sleep,” Cassandra said, “God knows they deserve it.” 

 

     COLE had been there the longest. He was glad that Solas ignored him and forget he was in the shadows. His gift helped him to see what the doctor did not. In dreams, they were together. In dreams, the war could be over and life could be lived. When Solas went to dinner, Cole took Ursa’s hand. Though he hadn’t spoken to her much in her time at Skyhold, he’d come to think of her as someone dear and special. Her heart was pure. 

     “Don’t wake up yet,” he whispered to her. “Let yourself be happy for now. Let your world be in your mind.”

     She murmured in her sleep, clutching his hand in her own. Cole stayed beside her for hours, giving her comfort in the dark parts of her mind. 

 

     DORIAN came at night when everyone else had gone to sleep. He couldn’t bear to see her in the harsh lights Solas kept on all day. At night it was only a strip of light to keep any patients from falling on their way to the bathroom. He couldn’t see the bruises then. He was surprised to see Cole there holding Ursa’s hand. 

     “She’s dreaming,” the engineer told him.

     “Good dreams, I hope,” Dorian said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. Cole passed Dorian her hand. She murmured, rolling towards them to curl her legs up towards her chest. Dorian held tightly, glad to just feel a pulse.

     “I think so,” Cole said. “I told her he lives. What she did. I hope that helps.” 

     “I hope so, too. She saved us all. I’ve never seen anything like it. And when she came out...I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared for anyone,” Dorian confessed. There was something about Cole that made you want to tell him things. Dorian could admit to his fear and not worry he would be mocked by the gentle boy. Dorian watched Cole smile, his young face lighting. 

     “She will be okay. She should wake soon. I was planning to push their beds together before I left. They both sleep better together. Would you like to help me?”

     Dorian looked at Cullen, a cast wrapped around his right arm and a furrow in his brow. Dorian nodded. Together, he and Cole moved the two small beds together. 

     “They know now,” Cole said when they’d finished. “It took them a long time but they both know now. Soon they’ll say it. Brushing, touching, dear god does she know? How do I tell her? My heart…” 

     “Cole, do you actually hear thoughts?” Dorian asked. He’d heard the boy’s mumblings before. They’d all just assumed it was his place in the shadows, hearing secrets, but this felt more intimate. 

     “Sometimes,” Cole said hesitantly. “Sera told me not to tell. It would make people uncomfortable. But it’s only the important ones. The ones they shout.”

     “Ordinarily it would. But for them? It might be good. I think they need to hear it. Thank you for watching over them. They’re both my friends. I just couldn’t…” Dorian trailed off. 

     “You couldn’t see it. Not after your mother. The smell of death, your father’s face...yes. I know. You couldn’t see it. She’ll understand. She loves you, too,” Cole said. 

     “I don’t…”

     “Yes you do. Not the way you’re thinking, but as a friend. And that love can surpass anything if given the time to grow. Let it. She could be your best ally in all aspects if you let her. Let her,” Cole said. Already he’d begun to melt into the shadows of the room. Dorian had no doubt he’d be gone before he uttered a reply. Taking up the spot at the end of Ursa’s bed, he took her hand once more. 

     “Strange boy, but I think he’s protecting you,” he commented. “It’s sweet.”

     In her dream, Ursa smiled at a boy with bright blue eyes and a crooked grin. She gripped Dorian’s hand more tightly. 

 

     CULLEN woke first. He groaned as pain shot up his arm and his head began to ache. He tried to pull himself up, finding his arm in a cast. As he blinked away the haze, the fight came back to him. The Kaiju that wouldn’t go down. Then a roaring pain and Ursa’s scream. His eyes widened. 

     “Ursa!” he exclaimed, looking around and calming when he saw her asleep beside him. Someone had pushed their beds together. His fingers were resting right next to hers. He took her hand. She stirred at the touch. He watched her eyes struggle to open, relief flooding him when she blinked hazily at him. 

     “Hi,” she croaked. 

     “Hi,” he whispered back. 

     “Looks like that thing did a number on us,” he said. 

     “More on you. I was just stubborn. Do you remember anything?” she asked, playing with his fingers. 

     “I remember something breaching the hull and then nothing. I do remember the pain,” he said.

     “So you don’t remember me going all Hulk and killing that thing on my own?” she asked, a ghost of a smile on her face. He looked at her, startled.

     “You did what?”

     “I piloted Ferelden Fire on my own. I sliced that thing nearly in half. And apparently, I nearly burned out my own brain doing it. Turns out a two person Jaeger is not meant to be piloted by a single person, even someone who can take a neural load,” Ursa joked.

     “You idiot!” Cullen said but he was smiling. “If I’d been awake…”

     “We probably would have died. It knew all of our attacks. I only surprised it because it assumed I’d go down when it hit us. I saved us all. I can’t say I want to do it again, but I’m not sorry,” Ursa said. 

     “You are…incredible,” Cullen breathed. She felt tears fill her eyes. She’d been so scared and so angry. In a way it made her feel smaller. She’d come so close to death and hadn’t cared. If she’d lost Cullen, none of it would have mattered. The way he looked at her now broke down the last of her walls and left her quivering before him.

     “Really?” she asked. 

     Yes. You saved us all. You got us both back here. You’ve given us yet another chance to end this. You’re amazing,” he said. 

     “I wasn’t thinking about us. I was only thinking about you. If you’d died...that thing couldn’t live. Not if it was determined to take everything from me again. I was so scared,” she confessed.

     He pulled himself closer to her, clutching her hands between them, his broken arm lying on his side. 

     “Don’t worry about me,” he said. “I’m fine. You made sure of it.”

     “Idiot,” Ursa scoffed with a wet laugh. “I love you. Of course I’m going to worry. Especially when we run into battle for a living.”

     “What?” Cullen said dumbly. Ursa realized what she’d said and turned red. 

     “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you like that,” she mumbled, “I’m just tired. I-”

     She was cut off by his kiss, his mouth insistent on hers. She laughed when he pulled back.

     “Is that how this is going to work? You’re just going to cut me off with kisses whenever you want?” she asked.

     “Are you complaining?” he said, eyebrows lifting. 

     “Not at all. What was that for?” she asked. 

     “You apologized for telling me you love me,” he said, “Only you could be so ridiculous. You don’t need to apologize for that.” 

     “Oh. Can I try it again? I really didn’t mean for it to slip out like that,” she said.  

     He laughed, unable to stop smiling. “You can say it any way you want, as long as you keep saying it.” 

     She touched his cheek, running her finger along the scar on his lip. “Cullen,” she said his name gently, as if it were the most precious thing that could pass her lips, “I love you.” 

     His face changed. She’d said it so quickly before, as part of another thought. Here it was now, bold and on purpose. Said so clearly he couldn’t mistake it for anything other than what it was. He couldn’t help the softening of his eyes, the way his body relaxed and the tears that threatened to spill over. He looked back at her, his smile gentle and kind. 

     “I love you too,” he said back, careful to be just as clear. He’d run from her before. He wouldn’t now. She’d saved him again, putting herself in harm’s way. The least he could do was admit what he’d been feeling since the first touch of their lips. 

     She smiled, a laugh bubbling up her throat. “Really?” she nearly whined.

     “Yes. I love you, Ursa Lavellan,” he said.

     She pulled him in, kissing him with so much love, his head swam. When she pulled away, he gasped.

     “Don’t do that. My head hurts and my arm’s broken. I can’t do anything about a kiss like that yet,” he said. 

     She giggled. “You’re ridiculous.”

     “And you’re reckless,” he said so she stuck out her tongue at him. “But...I love you.”

     The tender words made her smile widen. She rolled over, grabbing her phone from where Solas had placed it by her bedside. 

     “Gimme Mia’s number. I need to text her. She’s going to want to kill us but I think if I tell her about this, it’ll save us both,” she said. 

     He groaned. “My family…”

     “You’re alive. I’m sure the news made it seem dire but you’re fine. They’ll be happy. They’ll probably be even more happy that you can’t fight anymore. At least not for a while,” she said. 

     “But you can,” he said, worry filling his voice. “You still can…”

     She touched his lips, shaking her head. “Don’t. Don’t think about that yet. Rest. You need to get better so I can kiss you with feeling, right? I’m going to be very pissed if I can’t kiss you within an inch of your life in at least 24 hours, okay Rutherford?” 

     He shook his head with a huffed laugh. “Fine. You win. For now. Where’s my phone? We’ll call my family. I’m sure they’ll want to know you’re okay, too.” 

     Ursa smiled, marveling at how easily she’d been accepted as a part of Cullen’s life. When he handed her his phone, she copied down Mia’s number before nodding. He hit dial, putting it on speaker phone. He took a deep breath as it rang, still not used to calling his family, especially after he’d been hurt. 

     “Rosie used to do this part,” he said.

     Ursa took his hand. “Then we’ll do it together, won’t we?” 

 

     MIA snatched up her phone when she saw who was calling. She shushed her family as they ate, putting her phone on speaker and dropping it in the middle of the table.

     “Cullen?” she said, her voice high pitched.

     “Mia,” he sighed. 

     “Oh my god, are you okay? Is Ursa okay? Is the thing dead? The news just keeps looping to you being hit and...oh my god, Cullen-”

     “Let him answer!” Branson burst.

     Mia quieted. 

     “We’re fine,” Ursa’s voice said. She sounded off, as if something was on her mind and she was trying to hold it in. 

     “You sure?” Mia asked cautiously. 

     “I’m sure,” Ursa said. 

     “You aren’t being convincing at all,” Cullen said, his voice close to the phone. “Just tell her. You want to and you’re making it sound like something terrible happened when it’s just the opposite.”

     “Your whole family is listening!” Ursa hissed back, “Do you really want me to announce it to them too?”

     “You know Mia will as soon as you hang up!” Cullen shot back.

     “Um guys, we can hear you,” Branson said.

     “And now we’re all curious,” Rebecca said. “What is it, sweetheart?” 

     “They already know you two are together,” Mia said, “So that’s not much of a secret.” 

     There was a moment of silence. Finally, Ursa spoke, her voice nervous and choppy. 

     “You remember what you asked me when we talked by ourselves? I said yes…”

     Mia went over their conversation, a frown on her face until it came to her. She gasped. “You said it! You told him! Oh! I’m so happy for you two! Is that why you’re being weird? You’re not actually dying and just not telling us so it won’t hurt us or anything like that?”

     “I’m not your brother,” Ursa said followed by a yelp of “Ow!” as Cullen smacked her shoulder. 

     “You’re both fine?” Rebecca asked tremulously. 

     “Yes, Mom,” Cullen said more gravely. “I broke my arm but Ursa got me back safely. We’re both just fine.”

     “And you? Ursa? You’re fine?” Rebecca asked. 

     Ursa smiled at the worry in her voice as Cullen pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

     “I’m fine. Healthy as a horse, actually. I could go run a marathon if I wanted,” she said. 

     “Oh good. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to either of you. Especially now that you’re in love,” Rebecca said easily. Ursa sucked in a breath noisily.

     “Mom!” Cullen, Mia, and Branson all said together. 

     “Oh come on now. I’m a woman and I’m your mother. You think I wouldn’t know? I’m happy for you both. Now, go recuperate. Heaven knows you both need it,” Rebecca said. 

     They said their goodbyes and hung up. Ursa laughed as soon as the call was closed out.

     “I didn’t mean for it to go like that,” she said. 

     “That was honestly the best outcome. They love you. Imagine how it’ll go when they actually know you?” he said.

     “Ugh, don’t say that. I’m not that great once you know me,” she said, rolling onto her back. He propped himself up on his good arm.

     “I fell in love with you once I knew you. You are worth so much more than you see,” he said. He pushed frizzy strands of hair off her cheek as she blinked up at him. 

     “So are you. Thank you,” she said softly. He leaned in, pressing a tender kiss first to her lips then to her nose, cheeks, and forehead. She sighed when he pulled away.

     “We can’t stay in bed all day. Well, I can’t. I’m sure I have to meet with Blackwall and have my ass chewed out for ignoring direct orders multiple times. Then I have to endure being yelled at for endangering myself and no doubt there are a million news outlets just foaming at the mouth to interview me. Ugh. Can I pretend I died?” she asked pitifully. 

     He chuckled. “Go. I’ll be here whenever you need a break. No doubt I’m going to be bored out of my mind.”

     “Hey, take it. It’s the first break you’ve had in what? 7 years? Enjoy it,” she said, pushing herself up and wincing as her bare toes touched the cold floor. 

     “Do I seem like the type to enjoy doing nothing?” he asked.

     “No. And when this is over, we’re going to work on that,” she said. 

     “You’re fond of lazy days?” he asked, tracing the pattern of the tree on her back.

     “Yes. Love them. A good movie, a cup of coffee, popcorn, and a good blanket. All I need,” she grinned.

     “Well then. I’ll have to try it,” he said. “What’s this mean?” 

     She turned to face him. “I got it when my family died. Our tree was cut down. So I planted it in my skin. It hurt like hell but I made them do it in one sitting. Every day I lose just a little bit of who they were. What they looked like. Their voices, laughter, all of it is fading. This will remind me of them when they’re long gone,” she said. 

     “That’s beautiful,” he said. 

     “I talked to Sera about it. She knows a good artist. When this is over, I’m having them add some branches. For Rosalie,” she said. She sounded unsure. She didn’t know if he’d think she was overstepping. He sat up, his eyes never leaving hers. He ran his fingers through her hair, smiling when she turned into the contact. 

     “Thank you,” he said, his voice raw. 

     She nodded. “She deserves to be remembered too,” she said. 

     He kissed her hand. “She does. Go. The faster you do everything, the faster you get to come back.” 

     She smiled and nodded. “I love you,” she said, the words still a novelty. She wondered if she’d ever be sick of them. 

     “I love you too,” he replied just as joyfully. 

     She stood, cracked her neck, grinned at him, and then left. He sighed and flopped back to stare at the ceiling. For the first time in many years, he prayed. 

 

     URSA bumped into Sera first. The engineer was ecstatic to see her.

     “You’re alive! And up! Walking! We weren’t sure you’d be okay. Well, Cole was sure but no one else was. Neural overload! Still got all your marbles, then?”

     “Did I ever?” Ursa asked.

     Sera nodded sagely. 

     “You seen Blackwall?” Ursa asked.

     “In his office. With Viv and the pretty one with the accent. They’ve been in there since you all got back. Lots of huffing, from what I can tell. You sure you want to go in there?” Sera asked.

     “No,” Ursa replied, “But I have to.”

     “Glad it’s you, not me,” Sera said.

     Ursa sighed and continued down the hall. 

 

     BLACKWALL was furious and worried. Mostly, he was just worried.When Ursa blew into his office, he nearly hugged her. 

     “Okay, before you start yelling, I need you to understand that I’m in love with Cullen Rutherford and that, that monster had nearly killed him. I realize it’s emotional and frankly, not what you want to hear but it also gave me the rage I needed. So, I’m not sorry. And you can’t really take me out of the fight. Not with this being our last stand and all,” Ursa rambled before anyone could speak.

     “Lovely to see you’re alright, my dear,” Vivienne said with thinly veiled amusement. “We were just discussing you and your Captain.” 

     “It’s good to see you up,” Josephine said warmly. She had a stack of papers in her hands that Ursa glared at.

     “If that’s more PR I’m burning it,” she warned.

     “I’ve already told Josephine we won’t be doing any more PR,” Blackwall said. “Now if you’d sit down, we can discuss our position like adults. Please.” 

     Ursa sunk into the chair across from his desk. 

     “What you did was irresponsible, reckless, and foolish,” Blackwall started, raising his hand when Ursa began to protest. “But, it saved everyone out there and I know they’re grateful. As am I. You did something unexpected. Solas is working on an element of surprise for our attack on the Breach but until then, you’ll all be working with Vivienne. She’s got some new attack plans to try out in the hopes of changing it up enough.”

     “You aren’t going to fire me?” Ursa asked, stunned.

     “No. I might when this is over, but right now I need you. As for Mr. Rutherford, I’d relieve him of duty but I doubt he’d go. Not with you heading back out there alone,” Blackwall said.

     “So I am taking Fade,” Ursa said thoughtfully.

     “Of course. We need you on the frontlines for this. With these things nearly killing our best pilots, I don’t hold out much hope without you. Mr. Rutherford was right about you. You’re reckless. But it might just win us this war,” Blackwall said grimly. 

     “I prefer unpredictable,” Ursa said smugly.

     Josephine laughed behind her hand as Blackwall groaned in disgust. “Go, before I change my mind.”

     “Yes, sir. And...thank you,” Ursa said, her last words hesitant.

     “For what?” Blackwall asked in his surprise. 

     “For trying to get me to come back here. You would’ve saved us over the coastline. It was...good of you. And I know it wasn’t just about the Jaegers. So, thanks. I didn’t tell you when you asked, but you were a lot of the reason I came to Skyhold. And you haven’t disappointed me,” she said. 

     She was gone before he could think of a reply.

     “What a remarkable girl,” Vivienne commented. Blackwall grunted. 

 

     FINDING the other pilots wasn’t hard. They were all crowded in the common room pretending to watch TV. When Ursa walked in, Cassandra turned it off. The woman stood, dark eyes wide. Without a word, she walked up to Ursa and hugged her tightly. Ursa’s hands flailed at her sides and she gaped in surprise.

     “Oh!” she said as Cassandra squeezed. 

     “I hope you know, I consider you a dear friend,” Cassandra said. 

     “Oh. Um. I consider you a good friend, too,” Ursa said, patting Cassandra’s back awkwardly. 

     “You saved us all,” Dorian said from where he sat beside Bull. “None of us are going to forget that.”

     “I hate to destroy this wonderful image of me, but I didn’t really do it for any of you,” Ursa said as Cassandra stepped back. 

     “No, you did it for Cullen,” Leliana said readily.

     “But we reaped the many benefits, so we thank you nonetheless,” Dorian said. 

     Ursa blushed. “Well. Okay, then.” 

     She bit her lip and shifted her weight, unsure of what to do next. 

     “You want to go see Cullen again,” Dorian said, laughter in his voice. 

     “Yes,” she admitted.

     “You can go, but I assure you he’s still fine. Still breathing. And still not quite able to do what you want to do so how about you stay here and avoid some of that frustration?” Dorian said.

     “Dorian!” Cassandra said in shock but Ursa only laughed.

     “And how would you know what I want to do?” she asked.

     “It’s the ‘we’re alive! Hallelujah!’ fuck. We’ve all been there. Even you,” Dorian said, leveling eyes at Cassandra who blushed a deep red.

     “Varric’s written novels based on less than that,” Leliana laughed.

     “And Cassandra would know that, too,” Dorian retorted. 

     Cassandra opened her mouth to reply but no sound came out. Ursa laughed, plopping into the seat next to Dorian.

     “You’ve made your point. I’ll hang out for a bit. Cullen can wait. He’s probably sleeping, anyway. I really thought I’d be running around for most of the day but it seems Blackwall’s felt the need to go easy on me for now. I don’t want to look that gift horse in the mouth,” Ursa said. 

     “That’s the spirit!” Dorian chuckled. “We were pretending to watch E.T. Now we can actually watch it. Come on,  _ Cass _ . Turn it back on.”

     Cassandra fumed but did as she was asked. For a half hour, Ursa leaned on Dorian’s shoulder and watched an alien try to get home. When the door opened, they all turned to see Cole in the doorway. He looked panicked with the eyes of the whole room on him. When he turned to leave, Ursa stood and lunged across the room to hug him. He took a step back in surprise before returning the touch, his arms hesitant as they folded around her.

     “I know there’s more to you than you tell us,” she whispered into his ear, “thank you for watching over us. I saw you in my dreams. You kept us safe.” 

     He ducked his face into her shoulder. “No one’s ever noticed,” he mumbled. “But you see me walk into darkness and still worry even as it threatens you as well. Thank  _ you. _ ”

     Ursa leaned back and held his face in her hands. “How old are you, Cole?” she asked. 

     He smiled sheepishly. “17,” he admitted. 

     She tsked at him, flicking his nose. “We’ll talk about that later. Go on. You don’t want to be here, I can tell. Run, while you still can.”

     He smiled shyly. Ursa filed the look away. When this was over, she wanted to see it more. She wanted to watch him be a kid. When he turned to go she realized who he reminded her of. She watched him go, seeing her brothers in every step. She sat back down and finished the movie tucked between Bull and Dorian. When it finished, she went back to the infirmary and tucked herself in next to her sleeping partner. She watched him until sleep claimed her, happy to be alive. 

 

     A week went by quietly. It was eerie. There were no attacks on any coast. No news of motion by the Breach. It was as if the world was holding its breath. Cullen got well enough to walk around the dome. He watched the other pilot’s train with a focused gaze, calling them on any missteps or shortcuts taken. Soon he was worse than Vivienne. 

     “I take it you haven’t done it yet,” Dorian panted when Cullen had once more called a halt to a practice to critique them.

     “Whatever would give you that idea?” Ursa replied, wet hair sticking to her forehead. 

     Dorian scoffed in disgust. “Useless. Use your wiles, woman.”

     “I really don’t think that will make this any better,” Ursa said, turning to look at Cullen. 

     Even with the cast he still looked agile. He was frowning as he spoke to Vivienne, his curls unruly and falling into his face. His T-shirt was from the academy and just the night before had been worn by Ursa to sleep in. His jeans had holes in them and he looked so focused on what he was saying that he didn’t notice them staring. She wanted to push him to the ground and climb onto his lap. 

     “No, but you’ll feel better. You’re looking at him like he’s your favorite dessert. Bull, does this woman look like she’s in need of a good roll in the hay?” Dorian asked, calling over his large co-pilot. Bull nodded with a grin.

     “Yeah. Hate to say it, mini boss, but you do. Rutherford hasn’t given in yet?” 

     “I haven’t pushed. He’s still hurt,” Ursa said, distracted by Cullen’s tongue as it darted to lick along the edge of his scar. 

     “I think he’s just fine. In fact, I’d say he’s back to being the Lion. Hurt arm or no,” Bull said.

     “Very capable of taking you to bed,” Dorian added.

     “And leaving us alone,” Cassandra said from behind them, causing the three to jump.

     “You too?” Ursa asked in disbelief.

     “There’s such thing as too much practice,” Cassandra said. 

     “Yes, and it’s us getting it, not just you,” Leliana said. 

     Ursa blushed as Cullen and Vivienne looked over at them. He raised his eyebrows at her, lips quirked in interest. She looked at the ground. 

     “It seems Solas and the Commander have ordered a meeting. We’re all to be in the office in an hour. Go shower. You did well today, all of you,” Vivienne said, ignoring the sighs of relief at the announcement. The group of pilots went to trudge from the room, Cullen catching Ursa’s arm as she passed him.

     “Did I see something there, or was I misreading the moment?” he murmured low, his breath brushing her ear. She shivered. 

     “You might have noticed something,” she said back. 

     “Good. I’ve been...thinking,” he said, his good arm snaking around her waist.

     “Oh?” she breathed, trying to hide the tremble in her voice. 

     “I haven’t touched you in hours. It only takes you 10 minutes to shower. That means 50 glorious minutes are wasted. What could we possibly do about that?” he asked, his fingers digging into the bare skin of her waist. 

     “I don’t know,” she hummed, “You tell me.” 

     Cullen didn’t bother to look around. He knew the others were only a few feet ahead. He didn’t care. With a small grunt, he swung Ursa upward. She squeaked in surprise, her arms going around his neck and her legs crossing at his back as he used his good arm to hold her high against him. She looked down at him, startled. 

     “Cullen!” she laughed. 

     The others turned to watch, Dorian with a knowing smirk and Cassandra with a snort of amusement. 

     “I think we can think of something fun to do,” he said, ignoring their friend’s stares to look up at Ursa.

     “Show me,” Ursa challenged. Cullen had never been able to resist a challenge. He hefted her higher and hurried to his room. 

 

     50 minutes was not long enough for what either of them wanted. Ursa showered quickly, changing into clean clothes that she now kept in his room. When she came out of the bathroom, he was lounging on the bed. Dark, amber eyes rose to meet hers. 

     “Come here,” he growled. She obliged. 

     His hands ran up and under her shirt, his fingers teasing her nipples so she shivered. 

     “You tease,” she said, her voice quivering. 

     “You’ve been avoiding this,” he said, “You think I’m still hurt. I appreciate it, but stop. I want this. We’ve waited long enough.” 

     She arched into his touch, her legs falling open as he pinched and rolled her skin between his fingers. 

     “I agree,” she panted, “But it’s not time now, either. After the meeting.” 

     He kissed down her neck, smiling when she bared her throat to him. “Okay. What could we possibly do until then?” 

     Ursa smirked. “I think I have an idea.”

     “Oh?” he asked against her skin. 

     Her hand smoothed across his legs, causing him to jump when she cupped his hardening cock. 

     “I have a  _ very  _ good idea,” she said. 

“Oh…” Cullen sighed, hands going to her hair as she slid down his body, pulling his jeans and boxers off in one fluid motion. 

     They’d gone down to their underwear before. Had woken each morning to their bodies pressed warmly together, but they’d never been this far. She bared him to the light, her fingers trailing in the line of golden hair that pointed down to his cock. She smiled, looking up at him.

     “I love you,” she said. He didn’t get to respond. She licked her palm and then began to stroke him, her wrist flicking over the head so he groaned. 

     She used her hand for a bit, noticing when he inhaled sharply or groaned loudly. She wanted to remember what he liked. Using her other hand, she smoothed down the curls clustered around his balls before cupping them up against his body and leaning in to lick a strip up his cock.

     “Holy shit, Ursa!” Cullen moaned. His hand gripped her hair more tightly as she slid him fully into her mouth. He was hot and heavy there, stretching her lips open so drool pooled where her right hand still gripped his base. She’d perfected this particular action in high school. When she’d been too nervous to have sex with Dana, she’d offer her mouth. She’d gotten so good at it, he’d beg for her mouth even once they’d had sex. She knew what to do to make a man finish. But this was Cullen. She wanted to know exactly what he liked. What he wanted more of. So she went slowly. 

     He was in heaven. If her mouth was this good, he couldn’t fathom what being inside her would mean. He wanted to touch her. She hadn’t bothered to put on her pants yet, only a pair of red panties that rode up her ass when she shifted. He pulled on her leg, trying to get her lower body closer to him. She pulled her mouth off of him, a smile on glistening lips.

     “Something you want, Rutherford?” she drawled.

     “Straddle my face,” he said, suddenly bold.

     She blinked then grinned. “Well, okay then.”

     She wiggled out of her panties, checked the clock, then chuckled as she swung her leg over his body and settled gently above him.

     “We have 35 minutes and I’ll have you know, I’ve never had a man that close to down there, so be nice,” she said. 

     “You’ve never had anyone…?” he trailed off. She shook her head even though he couldn’t see.

     “Nope. Told you, not very experienced. Dana didn’t want to be down there. Said it was where I peed from. He didn’t understand why I was annoyed by that logic, but whatever. Lindsay and I never got to mouths. We were both too nervous. So. you’re the first.” 

     He blew gently on her folds, smiling to himself when she shivered. 

     “I promise I’ll be memorable,” he said.

     “Clock’s ticking. Better get to it,” she said, slightly breathless.

     He could hear the nerves in her voice. Deciding to dispel any notion that this would be bad, he pushed his head up and ran his tongue along her wet slit. She yelped and pushed herself up before lowering once more on a sigh.

     “Oh…” she breathed out. He chuckled, grabbing her hip with his good arm and pulling her down more firmly. “Can you breathe?” she asked doubtfully, squirming when his tongue touched her once more. He nodded and she relaxed. She moaned as he worked the tip of his tongue inside of her. After a few more wiggling motions, she lowered her head once more, taking him back into her mouth. 

     Cullen hoped she was keeping track of time because he wasn’t. She tasted salty and slightly sweet, clean from her shower. Her want spilled into his mouth as he licked her. He teased her clit with his tongue and dove it as deep inside of her as he could all while riding the pleasure of her mouth and hands on him. He would bruise her hip, he knew, from how hard he held her to him but neither of them would care. As her cries got higher and closer together, he too felt his own pleasure building. 

     “OhmygodCullen,” she moaned on a breath, her mouth coming free and her hand working quickly as her body began to shudder. “Don’t. Stop. Please. Ohmygod.”

     He would touch her forever if she would only say his name like that again. He let go of her hip and pushed his thumb inside of her, his mouth latching onto her clit and sucking. She sat up fully then, a scream on her lips as she rode the orgasm he’d given her. He lapped at the juices she spilled, not caring as the warm liquid spilled down his face. When she’d finished, she slouched for a moment before climbing off of him. With a tired smile, she circled his cock with her hand once more.

     “You don’t need-” he started but she lowered her head and sucked just the tip into her mouth roughly and he cried out. 

     She worked him ruthlessly, pushing him to the brink of pleasure so aggressively that when he fell over the edge, he cried out her name in his surprise. She swallowed everything down as it spilled into her mouth, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she sat up. She smiled. He dropped his arm to the side and wiggled his fingers at her, trying to catch his breath as she laid down beside him.

     “That was…” he trailed off.

     “Perfect. And we have five minutes to spare,” she said. 

     He pulled her towards him but she tried to pull back. “I just had you in my mouth,” she protested.

     “So?” he said roughly, turning her chin up. “I had you in mine. Kiss me.” 

     She smiled slowly. It was just dawning on her what this meant. Who this man truly was and what he would be to her forever, if she could help it. She pushed herself up his chest and kissed him slowly, making sure he could taste himself on her tongue. He groaned into her mouth in appreciation. When they’d finished their lazy exploration of each other’s tastes, she pulled away.

     “And now we’re late,” she laughed, checking the time. “Come on. We have to go.” 

     She pushed off of him, unabashed in her nakedness. She pulled her panties back on and wiggled into a pair of shorts she’d left on the floor beside the bed, grinning at him when he didn’t move.

     “Move your ass, Rutherford. We’re late,” she laughed. 

     “You’re gorgeous,” he said. 

     “So are you. We can admire each other after this. Up, let’s go,” she said. He chuckled and pushed himself up. He yanked his jeans and boxers back up and went to the bathroom, splashing water on the drying marks of white on his cheeks. Ursa rubbed one away as they exited the room, a glint in her eye that he couldn’t wait to explore later. 

 

     THEY were the last ones into the meeting. Ursa tried to avoid everyone’s eyes as they sat but she couldn’t ignore Blackwall’s as they bore into her forehead.

     “Now that we’re all here,” he said pointedly, “Solas has some news.” 

     “I’ve figured out how to get into the Breach. You need to have Kaiju DNA to get through. They’ve discovered this in Hong Kong thanks to a Drift with a Kaiju. Which means we need only attach ourselves to a Kaiju as it goes into the Breach. They’ve theorized a bomb would destroy the Kaiju for good but I would rather know we killed the queen. Therefore, someone needs to go in with Kaiju DNA, lure the queen close enough to the blast sight, leave the bomb, and then get out,” Solas explained. 

     “That easy? Why haven’t we done it yet?” Ursa asked sarcastically. 

     “I’m getting to the rest,” Solas said irritably, missing the dry humor. 

     “There’s more?” Dorian asked in disbelief. “You’re already asking the impossible. What else could there be?”

     “How to attack them so they won’t know what’s coming,” Solas said. 

     “That is important,” Bull said. 

     “It is. And I think I’ve figured it out. We send Fade into the Breach. Alone,” Solas said.

     “NO!” Cullen nearly bellowed. Ursa winced.

     “Cullen…” she said softly.

     “No. you aren’t going in alone. What he’s suggesting is a suicide mission,” Cullen said. "You didn't mention this before!"

     “I assure you, I will do everything in my power to make sure she’ll come back,” Solas said gravely. 

     “But you can’t guarantee it,” Cullen growled, leaning on the table and glaring. 

     “I object as well. It can’t possibly be smart to send in only one Jaeger. We’ve been working to be better at teamwork. Why break that up now?” Leliana asked. 

     “We won’t be. Fade will go out first. Get as close as possible then shut down. Make them think it’s broken. They saw it fall before. They won’t know what to do. The rest of the attack will go as planned. The rest of the Jaegers from the other domes will be there. The recruit run Jaegers will stay on the coast with the army. The Jaegers will continue the fight on the outside, trying to be as unpredictable as possible, meanwhile, while the others are drawn away, Fade will kill one and drop down. She’ll plant the bomb, and get out. A clean ending,” Solas explained. 

     Cullen’s jaw worked but he said nothing. The fury was rolling off him in waves. Ursa fidgeted.

     “And if I said no?” she asked hesitantly. She wasn’t planning to. She just needed to hear the answer.

     “Then the world goes down in flames,” Solas said readily. 

     Ursa blew out a sigh. “Okay,” she said. 

     Cullen turned to her sharply but she shook her head. “This isn’t just me. It’s all of us. It’s Cole who deserves a chance to be a kid. It’s Mia and Branson and your mom and dad. It’s everyone in this building. On this planet. I can’t say no. Not when I have this chance. I did this...because...because they all died. Everyone I ever cared about, everyone I loved. I can’t stop now. If I’m the only one who can this, then I’ll do it,” she said, her voice shaking.

     “Ursa…” Dorian said quietly. He knew but it was worse to hear it here. She was willing to lay down her life for everyone else. She was willing to die so no one else had to. They all watched her in solemn quiet. 

     “When does this happen?” she asked, ignoring the stares of her fellow pilots. 

     “Tomorrow evening. We think we’ll have a better chance if it’s night. They won’t expect it. The other domes have been told. They’re preparing. We won’t be training tonight or tomorrow. You deserve a break. You all deserve more than this. I wish I could give it to you. But all I can do is give you this chance and hope that you can gain your own reprieve. This is our only chance. If we wait any longer, we will all die. I know you all know that. I thank you for your sacrifices up until this point. I thank you for all you’re going to do. And I hope, I truly do, that I see you all on the other side of this,” Blackwall said solemnly. 

     Ursa’s eyes filled with tears. She stood and approached him slowly. Holding out her hand, she said softly, “Thank you. It’s been an honor, Commander.” 

     They all stood when he took her hand. He forced a smile, patting the top of her hand before letting go. He gave the room a curt nod before walking out at his usual clipped pace. They waited until he and Solas had gone before they relaxed. 

     Cullen stood and pulled Ursa into her arms. She began to cry as she tucked her head against his shoulder.

     “It’ll be okay,” he said into her hair, “You’ll come back. You have to come back.” 

     The others watched. Ursa, the only single Jaeger pilot in the world who had come to the dome wishing to fight the world alone, cried in the arms of her lover at the prospect of facing the end by herself. It made all of them feel uneasy.

     “You aren’t doing this alone,” Dorian said, putting his hand between her shoulder blades. “We will be with you. We won’t leave. Not until the end.”

     “We’ll get you in and we’ll get you out,” Leliana promised. 

     Ursa hiccuped, turning to look out at them. “I’m so glad I chose here,” she said. 

     “As are we,” Leliana said with a smile.

     “Can I ask you all for something?” Ursa asked. 

     “Yes,” Bull said readily. The others nodded. 

     “Watch me dance?” Ursa asked quietly as if waiting for them to deny her. For the group who had been so curious about her background, who had only seen her on the dance floor a bar if at all, it was a gift they hadn’t known how to ask for. To her, it was a moment to bare her soul. If she was going to die, she wanted her friends to know her. 

     They all agreed. She turned to Cullen. “Get Mia on chat. I want her to see too. And Cole. And Sera. Anyone who wants to. I won’t hide who I am anymore,” she said. “If I’m going to do this, the people who I care about will see me. Okay?”

     He pressed a kiss to her forehead and nodded. She smiled, wiping her tears on her arm. 

     “Give me 15 minutes,” she said. They watched her dart out the door and down the hall. It took a moment for them to process what she’d said but then Cullen dialed Mia, the rest watching on.

     “Hey. Ursa wants to dance for you. Get the family. They’ll want to see her, too.” 

 

     URSA had been a contemporary dancer. It was a fairly popular field when she’d gone into it but she’d had the heart for it. Her body had been made for leaps and twists, her mind a group of movements. She’d flown through her lessons, the joy in her unbridled. She used dance to convey all her emotions but she’d shut it off since the loss of her family. She’d danced alone when her mind could no longer stand to be idle. She danced salsa in bars, pretending it wasn’t just a taste of what she knew. She built routines as she fought, using her new life as a makeshift outlet for her heart. Now she would show them who she was. The woman who danced in the shadows when no one was watching. The woman who had once felt life singing in her blood. The woman newly built by pain. 

     She picked her song and waited. At first it was just the pilots, Cullen with his phone in his hand. Cassandra in jeans and a hoodie. Leliana, smiling softly. Bull and Dorian, leaning into one another without noticing. But then Sera and Cole appeared. Then Josephine and Vivienne. Varric, tablet in hand. Soon, even Blackwall was there. There was an audience. People who wanted to know her, to see her. She smiled and hit play. 

     She’d wrapped her feet like she’d used to. Her turns would be smoother on the hard floor that way. She wiggled her toes to ground herself and inhaled, letting her joy at life fill her even as her fear and sorrow wound in her spine. She let the music remind her of who she was and who she had once been. She closed her eyes and began to move slowly, her feet tracing patterns on the floor as the song built. Her fingers flexed and her muscles sang. When she opened her eyes, she saw an audience and realized how much she’d missed this. She leapt. 

     It was raw. It was power. It was Ursa’s beating heart laid at their feet. 

     “Oh wow,” Cullen heard Mia say. He couldn’t look away. The song slowed once more, Ursa stopping abruptly and extending one leg up, hand grasping above her. She smiled into the move, leaping on the one leg that held her up before going into another flurry of movement. She let them see her, all of her. The girl she’d hidden on her first day in the academy and hadn’t thought to unbury. The one so filled with loss it consumed her. That girl began to shine out with each move. Each kick broke down the walls she’d built. Each smile opened the gates wider. With a final laugh, she fell to her knees, chest heaving, arms open wide. When she looked up, she could have sworn her brothers looked back at her. She grinned. 

     If Cullen hadn’t loved her before, he would now. She’d poured her heart out to them without saying a word. He’d known her past. Her history. What she’d left behind. But now he could feel it with her. Her joys and her pains, written across the gym room’s floor. When Dorian ran to hug her, he watched her laugh and hug him back, kicking her feet when he lifted her off the floor. 

     “That was a hell of a show, Lavellan,” he said.

     “Yeah well, I figure I should go out with a bang on my own terms,” she joked back. 

     “Nah. I want an encore. You have to come back,” he said gently, nodding as Cullen approached. Mia was shrieking over the phone. 

     “I think my sister has some thoughts,” Cullen said in amusement.

     “Oh, hi Mia,” Ursa said, laughing at the other woman’s bright face. She could hear the family chattering and Mia went out of focus as someone tried to take the phone, but then Mia was alone, her grinning face nearly pressed to the screen.

     “You! Tell me right now where you learned to do that! I’m so jealous!” Mia gushed. Behind her, Rebecca, Howard, and Branson spoke over one another to sing her praises. Ursa laughed and took the phone from Cullen, walking through the small crowd of people as she chatted. She stopped at Cole, turning the phone so they could see the boy.

     “Sorry to interrupt, but this is Cole. I’d very much like to extend him an offer to stay at my home when this is over. But since I don’t have a home…” Ursa trailed off. 

     It took Rebecca only a moment to catch on. She smiled warmly at Cole who blinked in surprise “Oh. Of course, my dear. Anyone Ursa thinks of as special is welcome. This is her home, after all,” she said. 

     Cole looked at them in surprise, his gaze jumping between Ursa and the phone screen where Cullen’s family watched him.

     “I…” he trailed off.

     “It’s okay. I don’t need an answer right now,” Ursa said, “Just think about it.” 

     Cole smiled. “I will,” he said shyly. Ursa smiled back and moved on, going back to her conversation with the Rutherford’s. She left the gym with Cullen’s phone still in her hands, caught up in the high of her dance and the sweet feeling of family. 

     Back in the gym, Dorian clapped Cullen on the back. “You better marry her,” he said.

     “Why’s that?” Cullen asked in amusement. 

     “Because if you don’t your family might murder you. Or I would. Besides, girl like that, who wouldn’t want to marry her? I’m not even her type and I’d consider it,” Dorian said. 

     “Don’t worry,” Cullen said thoughtfully, “It’s on the agenda. Once this is over.” 

     Dorian smiled. “Good for you, then. For both of you. I expect a wedding invite. And to be in the wedding. I don’t look good in all black, just remember that.”

     Cullen laughed and went to follow his partner as she left the room.

     “I’ll-”

     “Talk to me later. I’m sure. Go. Enjoy your night,” Dorian said. Cullen nodded and ducked out the door leaving Dorian to run interference for him. He was thankful for Dorian and for the other pilots. When he heard Dorian smoothly redirect a starstruck     engineer he grinned, jogging to catch up to Ursa who was no doubt already in his room. 

 

     URSA made it back to Cullen’s room before he did. She hung up with his family a few minutes after closing the door and was left in the quiet with the high of her performance singing in her blood. When the door opened she looked up expectantly. 

     “Well?” she said as he closed the door behind him.

     “We have a whole night and a day to be together. Why are we wasting any of it talking?” he replied.

     “Exactly my thoughts,” she said, reaching for him. 

     They would think about the next night later. For now they needed only each other. There were no more words as Cullen slid in beside her. She sighed as he touched her, hands tracing the curves of her body that he’d grown to love so much. 

     “I love you,” she said.

     “And I love you too,” he replied. 

     It would be a long night. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E rating gets even more use! Ursa contemplates the plan while the others cope with the idea of sending someone in alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was going to be 12 chapters but it didn't end up happening, so only one more after this! I hope you enjoyed the story. I certainly enjoyed writing it. The next one is just pure fluff which means it was the most fun to write. :)

Chapter 10

     SHE was wearing only her panties and he was above her, his own pants shoved down and his boxers low on his hips. Her hands were tangled in his hair and their mouths moved together slowly. Neither of them were thinking of anything but each other, contentment and heat building the longer they touched.

     “Do we need to switch positions?” Ursa asked, pulling back and looking at his arm in its cast. He was holding himself up with only his left arm and while it was impressive, she worried it was getting tiring.

     “No,” he said, “I’m fine. Are you okay?”

     “More than okay,” she grinned, running her hands down his chest to his hips. He smiled back. They’d stripped down quickly but their touching has slowed as the reality of the night and day ahead had sunk in. They could focus on the bad tomorrow, for now they had all the time in the world to be together and neither wanted to rush. Her gentle smile turned to a smirk as her hands rounded to hold his ass and pull him down against her. 

     “In a rush?” he asked with a chuckle.

     “No. But I’ve been staring at your body for a  _ very  _ long time and now I want to feel it. You complaining, Rutherford?” she asked as she wound her legs around his hips. She could feel him hardening as she wiggled her hips against him. 

     “Not at all, just don’t want to finish too soon,” he said. 

     “Is that supposed to be a compliment?” she asked, running her hands down his back.

     “Yes,” he said, nipping at her neck so she squirmed. “You have broken through my defenses at every turn. Seeing you like this...well I don’t want to waste it.”

     “So should I stop?” she teased, pleased by his words.

     “Never,” he denied, lowering himself to kiss her once more. She hummed in appreciation, locking her ankles on his back. 

     They touched lazily, his lips trailing down her neck and dragging along her shoulder. He wanted to touch her. Wanted to feel her smooth skin beneath his hand but he couldn’t. His only free arm was encased in a cast and it was starting to get frustrating. 

     “Okay,” he said, panting slightly, “Now we do need to switch positions.”

     Ursa grinned. “Can’t use your hand, can you?” she said.

     “Hush,” Cullen said, sitting up and then giving a yelp of surprise as Ursa swung herself over him and shoved him back down into the bed. He looked up at her, her hair creating a curtain around their faces. 

     “I love you, you know,” she said.

     “I know,” he said, smiling. “I love you, too.” 

     “I know you’ve been in my head and I know you’ve seen it but...do you know how much you’ve done for me? How much better you’ve made everything? I know we don’t talk about it much but I was losing myself before I met you. I might not have noticed it, but I was. I didn’t think beyond the moment. Then we got forced into that Drift and suddenly I could...there was a future. I guess I just wanted to tell you...when this is over, I don’t want to move past this. Not past you. Not ever. I know I haven’t asked what you wanted and it might not be this but I…”

     She stopped speaking as he cradled her head in his good hand. He was looking at her so tenderly, as if she was the most important thing to him. It was the way he looked at her when she wasn’t looking but now he could give her everything. His soft gaze made her melt inside. Her heart was pounding. Though she was sitting atop him, nearly naked and wanting him, ready for him to be inside of her,  this felt like the most intimate moment they would ever share. When he smiled, she nearly cried. 

     “Ursa,” he said softly, “Do you even need to ask?” 

     She smiled, looking down to where her fingertips were tracing along his chest. “No, no, I suppose not.” 

     He pulled her down roughly then, his mouth bruising as it took hers. She gasped into the contact, her hands scrambling outward for purchase and pushing the lamp from the nightstand. It shattered on the floor, causing them both to look up. His eyes had gone a dark gold, nearly glowing in the room now lit only by the bathroom light. Her lips parted at the sight, drinking in the man below her and marveling at how perfect he was for her. When he pulled her in for another kiss, she slid down him more, aligning their bodies so that when his hips rolled, they pushed against her own. 

     “I want-” she panted between kisses, “to do more-” he bit her bottom lip, “than before.”

     “Tell me,” he ordered, his voice a low growl. 

     “Tell you what?” she nearly sighed as his fingers tweaked her nipples. 

     “Exactly what you want,” he replied before replacing his hand with his mouth. She moaned, not caring who heard. His mouth was hot and insistent on her skin, teeth tugging gently on her pink nipple until it stood erect between his lips. 

     “I can’t think….with you doing that,” she whimpered. 

     “Good. Don’t think. Just say it. Anything at all that you want,” he said, blowing on her wet skin so she shivered. When he moved to the other breast, she melted.

     “I want to ride you,” she blurted. He smiled around her soft skin. “I want you to take me any way you want. I want to...lose control. Be reckless. With you. I want…”

     She trailed off as his mouth slid lower, his body slipping under her until he was lying with his head between her legs. She blinked down at him.

     “You don’t want to be in control,” he said with a grin.

     “No,” she said, blushing. “Not with you, I don’t.”

     “You love being in control,” he said, nipping at her thigh.”You live to tell me what to do.”

     “I...I do. But not...here. I don’t want to think-ohmygod- I gave them who I was and - _ oh _ \- now I want you to take me. I’m yours. What I showed them, it’s yours. I want you to show me you know that. I want you to take it all.  _ Please,”  _ she ended on a whine, her fingers holding his hair tightly as he teased her with his tongue, panties an unwelcome barrier between his mouth and her slit. 

     “You want me to take care of you?” he asked, fingers pulling her panties to the side.

     “ _ Yes,”  _ she groaned. 

     “You’re giving me control. Over you. Right now?” he asked, making sure it was truly what she wanted.

     “Yes, Cullen, please! I want you to. I want to stop thinking. I want you to have  _ everything  _ so please shut up and  _ take it!”  _ she nearly shrieked, hands pulling on his hair in her desperation to bring his mouth to her sex. He smiled.

     “Well, okay then.” 

     Cullen was good at taking the reins. He had been the one to direct in his partnership with Rosalie. He was the one who planned attacks with Blackwall when he wasn’t fighting. And in the bedroom, he was always the one who made the decisions. He’d expected to have to kneel for Ursa and in a way, he looked forward to it, but watching her bite her lip and moan when he swiped his tongue along now wet panties gave him a surge of primal pleasure.  She had become the driving force in his life and watching her give in to herself and to him was hotter than he could imagine. He pushed her to the side so she was no longer straddling him.

     “Panties off. Now,” he ordered. She wasted no time wiggling free of them. She sat back on her knees next to him waiting for him to tell her what he wanted. He blinked. She hadn’t been kidding. She wanted him to instruct her fully. He patted the bed. “Get back up here,” he said.

     She swung her leg back over his head facing his tented boxers. He smacked her leg. 

     “Other way,” he said. 

     “Oh...I just thought….” she trailed off.

     “No. I want this to be for you,” he said sweetly. She smiled, turning around and settling above him. “You can pull on my hair. Anything you want. I want to see you.”

     She threaded her hands gently into his hair and then, with a smirk, pulled his head up so his lips touched her bare sex. She hissed as his tongue came out to lap against her slit, fingers parting her folds so he could push even farther inside. His thumb rubbed her clit, her knees sliding outward as she attempted to push him even farther into her heat. He lifted her up and  back after a few moments, her wetness glistening on his face.

     “Greedy,” he observed. 

     She looked down at him, teeth indenting her bottom lip. 

     “More, please,” she said politely. He laughed. 

     “Only because you asked so nicely,” he said. She let out a high pitched yelp as he drove his tongue back inside of her, adding a finger and curling it up along the slick walls of her core. She rode his tongue until she could feel her body begin to tighten. He rubbed her clit harder, flattening his tongue to push farther inside of her. She cried out as her orgasm crested. She rode it as she rode his face, her hips jerking, fingers pulling on his hair and thighs clenching. When it was finished, she collapsed forward, hands catching her so she was breathing heavily into his abandoned pillow. He licked her once, teasingly, chuckling when she whimpered and shuddered. Gently, he tapped her leg, waiting for her to swing herself off of him. He made sure she was watching as he sucked his fingers clean, her breathing ragged and eyes nearly black. 

     “Now what?” she asked softly. He knew what she wanted. He wanted it too. He’d wanted it since he’d first kissed her. He’d wanted it every night she curled into bed beside him, bare legs against his own. He wanted and now, finally, he could take. He pushed her back onto the bed, flipping her onto her stomach.

     “C..Cullen..” she stuttered.

     “Hush,” he said, kissing the back of her neck. “Relax.” 

     He would not rush. He would do all the things he’d thought of and more. He would touch every inch of her body and worship it as she deserved. He licked and sucked down her spine, listening intently to her whimpers and sighs. When he reached the tree on her back, he traced the trunk down to the curve of her ass. He licked and bit at the roots where they curled along her pert cheeks, her hips lifting with each touch. 

     “Cullen...please,” she whimpered when his tongue traced the cleft there. 

     “Tell me,” he ordered.

     “Please...make love to me? Please,” she begged.

     He was surprised to hear her use the more tender term for what they both wanted. She hadn’t seemed like the type. When he stopped his ministrations, she turned. 

     “What is it?” she asked. 

     “Make love. I just didn’t expect it,” he said.

     She rolled onto her back, opening her legs so they laid on either side of him. “It isn’t fucking with us. Not right now. I want you to take more than my body. If that makes sense,” she said. 

     And with that, suddenly, he couldn’t wait anymore. He slid over her, pushing his boxers down and pausing when the tip of his cock touched her wet lips. 

     “I don’t have a…” he started but stopped when she shook her head.

     “I have an implant. It’s fine. I trust you,” she said, her legs crawling up his. He couldn’t touch her, not with his one good arm holding him up. They stared at one another, eyes locked until he felt her hand circle him. He groaned as she lined him up more firmly. 

     “Now,” she commanded. 

     He wanted to make a joke, to poke fun at her commanding tone, but she was hot beneath him, love and lust in her eyes and his cock was so close to being inside of her. With a heavy moan, he slid forward slowly. 

     She was tight, tighter than he remembered any woman being. He looked down, eyes opening wide when her hands caught his face. She was breathing heavily, sweat beading on her brow. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She hadn’t been joking when she said she hadn’t done this a lot. She was so wet that the slide was sinful and she moaned with it, clearly not in pain, but her body clenched at his intrusion. 

     “Ursa…” he said, unable to form any other words.

     “You’re the second,” she said, answering the question he didn’t know how to ask. “Only the second. It’s okay. Move, more, please. It feels so good.”

     He pushed forward with more force, listening as her breath hitched. He continued like that for a few minutes, savoring each slow glide, her body gripping him as if she couldn’t bear to let him go. He lost himself in it until she said his name. He blinked down at her.

     “Harder,” she said, her usual challenging tone flaring down his spine. 

     “How do you ask?” he replied, loving the flash in her eyes. 

     “More, please,” she said, announcing each word crisply.

     He pulled out. She groaned in frustration. 

     “On your knees,” he said firmly. She looked at him, jaw going slack. “On your knees,” he repeated. 

     She rolled over slowly, presenting her ass to him. He nearly groaned at the sight. 

     “Here,” he said, pushing his pillow under her chest. 

     “I’ve never…” she trailed off, her voice unsure. 

     “It’ll feel good. I promise,” he said soothingly. “If it doesn’t we’ll change positions.”

     She nodded. Though they weren’t in a Drift, he could feel her unspoken trust. It sung in his veins, giving him the power to hold her hip roughly before lining himself up and pushing into her body once more. She hiccuped a breath before whimpering.

     “Oh my god,” she said. He moved slowly for the first few thrusts, letting her adjust to him at this angle. When she began to push back against him, he sped up, snaking his arm around to rub her clit. Her high pitched cry caused him to jerk his hips harder, his force pushing her down until she was resting on the pillow and no longer holding herself up. 

     He took her. He took everything she gave him and yet she kept giving. She pushed herself back against him, her heat causing his vision tunnel. He watched his cock slide in and out of her, experimentally smacking her ass gently. She yelped. He was about to apologize when she turned, cheeks flushed and hair a mess.

     “More,” she breathed. 

     He lost track of time. It could’ve been days. He wouldn’t have regretted that for a second. Her body was built for his. She took all of him so smoothly, her cries blending with his own as he rode her. The smack of his palm on her ass caused them both to moan and as he neared his end, she said in a shaking voice,

     “I think I’m going to…” 

     She spasmed on his cock, her body clenching as she shuddered. He leaned forward to rub her clit through the orgasm, thrusting shallowly until she was finished. 

     “I’m sorry, I need…” he said through gritted teeth, fucking harder into her as he chased his own end. She whimpered, her body sensitive, but she wouldn’t deny him his climax. She wanted to see it. She turned to watch him, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. His thrusts had become erratic and his face tightened. His curls were wild about his head and for a moment, Ursa saw the Lion. Beautiful and golden and fierce and all hers. He roared as he came, warmth spurting inside of her and causing small aftershocks to roll through her. She let her legs give out as he slumped. He fell on top of her, mumbling his apologies into her hair. She laughed weakly.

     “Do not be sorry for any of that,” she said. 

     He laughed, lifting himself up to slide off of her. She winced slightly as he slid from her. They both watched his seed leak onto the sheets. 

     “We’re sleeping in my room,” she said. 

     He nodded, laughter in his eyes. She rolled to look at him, a lazy smile on her lips. 

     “Thank you,” she said warmly.

     “You’re welcome,” he said automatically. “For what?”

     “All of it. The orgasm, I guess. Being so nice to me? I don’t know. I just wanted to say it,” she said, suddenly embarrassed. He brushed her hair back, a laugh bubbling up his chest. “Are you laughing at me, Rutherford?” she asked, scandalized.

     “I just took you from behind. You’re spilling my cum onto the sheets and you’re embarrassed by what you just said? You’re delightful,” he said. 

     She blushed, trying to scowl at him but not quite managing it. “By which you actually mean ridiculous.”

     “Yes, but I find that delightful,” he said. 

     She stuck her tongue out, rolling to get out of the bed. He caught her arm. 

     “Don’t be mad,” he said, a smile on his face. It was soft and satisfied and it made her heart melt. 

     “I’m not mad. I’m dripping sticky yuck and I want to clean up. Come on, lazy. Come shower with me,” she said, pulling on his hand. 

     “I have a cast,” he pointed out. Showers had been annoying with the cast and he hadn’t been showering with a woman he wanted to pin against the wall and take until she screamed. He didn’t think it would fare well if he got lost inside of his lover. 

     “Put a plastic bag on it and hold it out the curtain. Come on. I want to blow you,” she said brazenly. His cock twitched with interest. She grinned, turning and deliberately swishing her hips as she took the few steps to the bathroom. “You’re still so easy,” she commented. 

     He rolled to his feet. “We’ll see about that,” he said, following her. 

 

     CASSANDRA, Leliana, Dorian, and Bull sat in the common area. They’d all decided to let the new couple enjoy their night together and none of them really wanted to hear it. Cassandra was the first to break the silence.

     “I was wrong about her,” she said. 

     “I think we all were,” Bull said.

     “Did anyone expect her to be that good?” Dorian asked, still stunned by the dancer that had shone out from Ursa’s fighter form. 

     “She said dance major so I assumed she had some talent but…” Leliana trailed off. 

     “She laid everything out there. That takes talent,” Dorian said. 

     “It also takes bravery,” Bull added. 

     “Yes. She showed us her heart. I was very wrong about her,” Cassandra reiterated.

     “Did anyone show Varric? I know someone had to have gotten that on tape. I thought he was there but...” Leliana asked.

     Cassandra snorted. “Why would he see that?”

     “If she dies, the world should know who saved them all. Not the pilot. The real girl. The one who lost a future to give everyone else one,” Dorian said firmly.

     “We won’t let her die,” Bull said but none of them could promise that. 

     “It’s a novel notion to think any of us will come out of this alive,” Dorian replied. “Someone should give Varric that video. If anything it will tell anyone who knew her before that she wasn’t gone.”

     “She can’t die,” Cassandra said softly, “Cullen would never survive it.” 

     There was no response to that. Nothing any of them could say could reassure her. They all knew the truth. If Ursa didn’t come back from the Breach, Cullen wouldn’t live past the sunrise. She had given him his family back, handed him a life he could finally see joy in, but that was built around her. Given time they could both heal. They could learn to see beyond one another. But only if she returned. Without her, his world will fall black once more and this time, he wouldn’t try to survive. 

     “We’ll bring her back,” Leliana said firmly, her eyes hard. “We have to.” 

 

     JOSEPHINE couldn’t stop crying. Vivienne sat at her desk, hands folded as she watched the other woman sob.

     “This helps no one,” she said calmly. 

     “It isn’t fair,” Josephine said, looking at Vivienne through red eyes. 

     “None of this has ever been fair. In the third attack my husband was killed. We’d been married since we were 18. Rosalie Rutherford lost her life to this. Hawke and Stroud. Countless others who simply lived in the wrong place. More pilots than I wish to count. It was never fair and it never will be. They are stepping into the roles they accepted upon entering the academy,” Vivienne said.

     Josephine wiped her eyes with a tissue. “Ursa’s only 25,” she said in anguish. 

     “Yes. And she’s taken on the weight of the world. If she survives, I suspect she will gain great renown for it. If she doesn’t, she will be remembered,” Vivienne said. 

     Josephine shook her head. “More people dead. All for what? A planet they’re going to use up and destroy?” 

     “We’ve been destroying it for years. They’re just making it fast,” Vivienne replied.

     Josephine slapped the desk so Vivienne looked up. “Don’t be cruel,” she snapped. “These are people we know. My friends! Lives we’ve seen.”

     “Yes. And they’re standing for all the lives we haven’t seen. I dare say they’re less selfish than you or I. Ursa is the youngest living pilot on record. The rest have died. She’s also the only single pilot in the world. The only one to pilot a two person Jaeger not just back to shore but in a battle. She won’t back down. She is our best option because she has the least to lose,” Vivienne said more gently. 

     “So you read her file.”

     “Of course,” Vivienne replied.

     “But that’s not true anymore. Did you see that dance? I recorded it. If she’s lost...the world should know who saved them. Or who died trying. She had a future before this. It was taken from her. Be as logical as you want, but that isn’t fair. A young girl had to become an adult and now we’re asking her to sacrifice the new future she’s been building. She’ll do it, of course she will, but I wonder what the cost will be if she falls?” Josephine flipped her phone in her hands. She’d watched her video of the dance twice already, each time her heart broke a little more for the beautiful young woman and the soul she’d hidden. 

     “It will be far worse if she fails,” Vivienne said. Josephine hiccuped, tears falling once more. 

 

     SOLAS stared out the window and over the sea. It was dark now, the water shimmering with the dome lights. He inhaled deeply. If he was wrong, not only would he kill every pilot going out the next night, he would doom the world. He let out the breath feeling it shudder in his chest. 

     “You cannot take the weight you put on yourself,” Cole said. Solas was unsurprised to see the boy perched on his desk. 

     “No. But I only need to for one more day,” Solas replied.

     “You all hold so much pain. So much loss. How do you stand?” Cole asked. 

     “We have to,” Solas said, “We stand because we have to.” 

     “There is happiness tonight. Friends and lovers are coming together. The worst things can make the best memories,” Cole commented, head cocked.

     “Desperation, you mean,” Solas said. 

     “Yes and no. There is love. Laughter. People share their souls when they think they might lose them. That is beautiful. Unique. We will win if only because of that. They can track your moves but they can’t see your hearts. Listen there. Listen and this will be finished,” Cole said. 

     Solas sighed, his gaze going back to the sea. When he’d turned once more, Cole was gone. 

 

     BLACKWALL drank alone with shaking hands. He had never asked for so much. He’d never had to rest everything on faith. He couldn’t bear to see the sun come up. He took the shot, pouring another and watching the seconds tick by blankly. It was only a few hours until morning. 

 

     CULLEN was exhausted. If Ursa’s tiny snorts were any indication, she’d slid into sleep as they’d cuddled. They’d made it to her room and her bed only to fall into one another again. She’d been drowsy afterwards and had curled into him in contentment. He couldn’t seem to let himself close his eyes. If he slept, he would be that much closer to having to let her go. Instead, he watched her. They’d showered, keeping his cast as dry as they could. She’d knelt at his feet, green eyes wide and bright as she’d sucked his cock into her mouth. She’d laughed when he came, licking it from her lips before turning her face into the spray of water. They’d stumbled back to bed, clean and tired but not willing to stop touching. She’d only fallen asleep when he’d spooned her, calming their frenzied hands and turning to soft nuzzles and light kisses. He would watch her until the sun rose. He would protect her until he couldn’t anymore. He brushed her hair away from her face, laughing softly when she snorted loudly. He might snore, but she made loud noises in her sleep, too. They were well suited to one another even in this aspect. He kissed her neck. She twitched, her legs drawing up to her chest more. 

     “I love you,” he said into her skin. 

     He needed her to come back. He couldn’t lose her. He knew he had to let her go. He had watch her run into battle without him. He knew he couldn’t be beside her. It tore at him with each breath. But he needed her to come back. He’d ignored a text from Mia. He feared if he answered it, he’d break and Ursa needed him to be strong. He could lose his mind when this was over. He knew why she was doing it. He would do it if he could. The world was so much bigger than just them but he wanted to be selfish. For once, he wanted to say no, fuck the world. He wanted to take her and run. Bring her to his parent’s house where his mother baked cookies and his sister made crude jokes and his brother practiced chess with their father. He wanted to save the woman who had danced for them that afternoon. She’d given them all a gift with her performance. It was a gift he hoped the others wouldn’t forget. 

     She rolled in his arm, snuggling into his chest so her breath tickled through the hair there. He smiled down at her. Pulling her closer, he willed his eyes to close. She would be there when he woke. She needed him to be strong. He couldn’t be drawn out when she went into the waves. Sleep claimed him quickly, dreams of green fields and northern coastlines soothing him through the night. 

 

     MORNING came too quickly. Ursa woke to Cullen’s snore in her ear. She winced, then smiled. She could get very used to waking up with him. If she lived through the day, she’d tell him that. There was a line of drool crusted on his cheek and his mouth was wide open as his snore grated out from his chest. She pushed him onto his back. The sound stuttered to a stop before beginning again. She rolled her eyes, sliding her hand under the sheet. He was hard already, morning taking its toll on him. She slid down under the blankets, wondering how long it would take for him to wake as she licked the tip of his cock. His breathing stuttered but then the snores continued. She giggled before sliding her mouth fully onto him. 

     Cullen woke to a pressure in his bladder and something wet and warm hugging his cock. He was confused. He snorted and yawned, groaning when the warmth on his cock hit a particularly good spot. Blinking, he lifted the sheet and peered down at the auburn head that was bobbing between his legs.

     “Ursa?” he groaned.

     She turned, lips rosy. “Ah, good morning. That didn’t take too long.”

     “What are you...?” he flopped back as she ran her thumb over the tip.

     “An experiment. It only took a few minutes. I could stop,” she offered.

     “Don’t you dare,” he said on an exhale.

     “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she said, a grin in her voice. “Come on, Rutherford, I have to pee so let’s make this quick.” 

 

     AN hour later, the two ventured from her bedroom, their hands clasped tightly together. They were both starving having missed dinner the night before. When Ursa’s stomach grumbled loudly, she winced before grinning.

     “Worth it,” she said. He grinned back. 

     “Ah, the love birds. Now  _ that  _ is what well fucked looks like,” Dorian said from his own doorway. 

     “Jealous?” Cullen shot back, surprising both of them. 

     “Of her? Yes,” Dorian purred, not to be outdone. Cullen blushed but didn’t back down. Ursa laughed. 

     “As you should be,” she sang.

     Dorian rushed to her side, linking their arms and pulling her from Cullen. “Dish. Now!” he ordered. 

     Ursa peeked at Cullen, winking. “Let’s just say the name “Lion” can have many meanings.” 

     Dorian beamed. “Lovely. I hope you don’t mind but I’m stealing your girl for breakfast. I am in desperate need of some details.” 

     “Not too many,” Cullen warned, knowing that Ursa would tell exactly what she wanted and no less. She grinned at him.

     “Course, sweetie. Only the good stuff,” she said, turning to Dorian. Cullen heard her say in a loud whisper as they went down the hall, “It’s  _ all  _ good stuff.” Grinning ruefully, he headed to the dining hall, desperately in need of coffee.

 

     CULLEN met Cassandra at the coffee kiosk. She gave him a smile so fake he snorted. 

     “You’re a shitty liar, even with just your face,” he said. 

     “How are you?” she asked. 

     “Right now? Fine. I’m trying not to think about it,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. 

     “So am I. But I’m not the one sending the love of my life into battle without me. Trying not to think about it can’t be working too well,” she said doubtfully.

     “Yes, and you talking about it is so much more helpful,” he said. She winced.

     “I’m sorry. I don’t...I don’t do this well. I’ve never felt what you two seem to share,” she confessed. 

     “You love Leliana,” he stated, walking with her to their usual table. 

     “Not in the way you love her,” Cassandra said with a dry chuckle. “I’ve never felt that.”

     “You’re a closet romantic,” Cullen said, nodding to Leliana as he sat. 

     “Not so closeted anymore,” Leliana said slyly. 

     Cassandra snorted, looking down into her eggs. “It doesn’t matter. We’re talking about you.”

     “Which we should really stop doing,” Cullen said. “Since I’m trying not to think about it.” 

     “Think about what?” Ursa asked. She slid into the seat beside him, Dorian next to her, a big grin on his face. 

     “You going into the fight alone,” Cassandra said before Cullen could speak. He glared at her as Ursa and Dorian’s smiles fell. 

     “Oh. That. I’d actually rather talk about all the sex we had last night than that. Or you know, we could discuss the root canal I had in college. That would be about as pleasant,” Ursa said, stabbing her eggs forcefully. 

     “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Cassandra started, wincing when Ursa looked up sharply.

     “I know. It’s fine. But how about we continue to stay in the state of blissful denial a bit more? Cause I’m the only one doing the big bang part and I’d really rather not think about how little of a chance I have of actually getting out of there,” she snapped. 

     They all froze. Cullen turned to her. 

     “Ursa…” he trailed off, unsure what he could say to make it better.

     “No. No, it’s fine. Life’s fucked me over enough, I really shouldn’t be surprised. I was recruited to one of the biggest dance companies in the U.S right before this happened. I bet none of you knew that. I tried to bury it before I got here, make sure no one knew what I turned down. But then everyone died and  _ I  _ died with them and I was here. Life had a different path for me, it seemed. I made the best of it. I liked who I became, even if I was alone. I figured the least I could do was help other people not feel what I did. And then, ha, then, Fade breaks and I’m trapped. I have to go into a Drift with someone who didn’t like me. And that worked out so well I thought that just maybe things could be better. Then, then I’m given a future. A real one. One I finally  _ want  _ and it’s like the universe says, “yeah right, Ursa. Here. Make this work!” and hands me yet another thing I’m not sure I can fix. So no, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. It’s my own for thinking I could ever get what I want,” she snapped out the words, slamming her fork back into her plate before pushing off the bench and rushing from the hall. 

     Cullen went to stand but Dorian shook his head. “Let me,” he said. 

     “But…”

     “She doesn’t need a reminder of all she could lose. She needs a friend,” Dorian explained. “Let me. I’ll text you when she’s okay.” 

     “Will she ever be okay?” Leliana asked softly.

     “When she’s better,” Dorian corrected. Cullen nodded. When Dorian had followed her, Cullen deflated. 

     “I’m sorry,” Cassandra said. He shook his head.

     “She was already feeling that. It’s not your fault. It’s probably better she got it out now,” he said. 

     “Still. I didn’t mean to upset her,” Cassandra pushed. 

     “Don’t worry. It’ll…” Cullen trailed off. He couldn’t say it. It might never be okay again and they all knew it. He looked at the door, wishing he could run after her but knowing Dorian was right. He sighed. 

 

     URSA found herself at the top floor of the library. It had a skylight and she laid out on a table, not caring when people stared. She looked up into the sky blankly. When Dorian pushed her, she moved over so he could lay beside her. 

     “You’ve been hiding a lot of pain,” he said. 

     “I don’t want to talk about it,” she replied quickly.

     “No, but you should. If I learned anything from that shit with my father, it’s that hiding it doesn’t make it go away. You should talk to Cullen. Really talk to him. You take care of him so well we all forgot to notice that you might need some help too. It must break his heart to know he couldn’t help you.”

     “He does help me. Everyday. I wouldn’t have been able to show you all what I did without him,” she said, surprised.

     “But he doesn’t think that. He thinks your relationship is uneven. Let him help you. Let him hold you while you cry or be there when you break things or even see you dance when you’re alone. Anything that lets him know he doesn’t just have your heart, he has your whole soul. Even the bits that are broken,” he said quietly. She sighed, looking up at the bright blue sky.

     “It’s a beautiful day,” she said. 

     “It is,” he agreed. They laid there in comfortable quiet for a few minutes until Dorian pulled out his phone. 

     “Are you texting Cullen?” she asked. He nodded.

     “Good,” she said, tears streaking down her cheeks. Dorian wiped one away before typing out his message. He stood, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

     “You’ll come home. And when you do I want you to know. I’m going to be a groomsman in your wedding,” he said, smiling when he startled a laugh from her. He squeezed her hand before leaving Ursa to her thoughts. 

 

     COLE watched Dorian leave, sitting on the edge of the table when he was gone. Ursa smiled, eyes closed.

     “Hi, Cole,” she greeted.

     “How do you know it’s me? You always know,” he marveled.

     “You have a calming presence. It’s nice,” she said. She patted the table next to her. After a moment’s hesitation, he slid back, sitting beside her with crossed legs. She peeked up at him, reaching up and tweaking the blonde hair in his eyes.

     “You need a haircut,” she said. 

     “I like it like this,” he said almost defensively. She laughed. 

     “Okay. Whatever you like, then.”

     “You’ll come back,” he said, sounding more sure than anyone else had. Her smile fell.

     “How do you know?” she whispered. 

     “It isn’t time yet. The world still needs you. Cullen needs you. So warm, so sweet. Everything I thought I’d never have...dear god, don’t let her leave me,” Cole said, eyes going vacant. Ursa smiled softly.

     “I don’t know why you can do that, but it’s not just people leaving doors open, is it?” she asked.

     He shook his head. “Sometimes I hear thoughts. Only when they’re powerful. But it makes people uncomfortable.”

     “Not me. Just...don’t share personal thoughts with others, okay? Even Cullen’s. They’re his to share if he wants to,” she said. 

     He looked down at her. “You know he loves you. You’ll come back. You’ll win and you’ll come back.”

     “Sometimes wishful thinking is just that, Cole. Wishful,” she said gently. 

     He shook his head roughly. “No. It isn’t time yet. You will win for all of us. Then you’ll come back. And we’ll go home.”

     She looked at him, sitting up slowly. “Cole, do you want to go home with me?” 

     “I...I don’t have one anymore. My home was destroyed. My family was gone before that. I learned to disappear...foster homes aren’t always kind. I was relieved when they accepted me here. I don’t have anywhere to go after this,” he confessed. 

     Ursa held out her arm and waited for him to slide into the hug. She closed her eyes. It was no longer just her future in the balance. No longer just her love for Cullen that would drive her. As Cole ducked his head under her chin and relaxed into her hold, she steeled herself. Locking eyes with Cullen as he turned the corner, she said firmly,

     “I’ll come back. I’ll come back and we’ll go home. All of us.” 

     Cole nodded, looking up as Cullen walked closer. He pulled back, smiling slightly at Ursa. 

     “I haven’t had a home in a long time,” he said. 

     “I know. I’ve been assured Cullen’s is very nice. Good enough to make our own, don’t you think?” she asked. He nodded, looking up at Cullen. 

     “If that’s alright…”

     “More than,” Cullen said. He hadn’t always been comfortable around the young man but Cole’s cautious smile warmed him. He couldn’t say no when the boy looked so hopeful. Cole slid off the table. 

     “I’ll go make sure Fade is ready. She’s singing. Ready for the fight,” he said. 

     “Let’s hope I’m still good at working with her,” Ursa said. 

     Cole grinned. “She’s waiting for you. You’ll be perfect together.” With that he hurried away, leaving Ursa alone with Cullen. 

     Cullen paused, watching Ursa. Her eyes filled with tears and she tapped her fingernails on the table beside her. He boosted himself up, watching her face.

     “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I was feeling. I’m used to dealing with things myself,” she said, avoiding eye contact. 

     “I know. It’s okay,” he said, putting his arm around her.

     “It isn’t. We’re a team. I want to be one for real. I made you come out of your shell. You’re just nicer than me,” she said, causing him to laugh. “No, you are. You don’t push. You let me come to you. Well, I’m telling you now, you have permission to push. Cause this isn’t so bad. You’re not going to break if I cry, are you?”

     “No,” he said, putting both arms around her and cradling him to her chest. 

     “Good. Cause I think I need to. A lot,” she said, her voice wet. She turned her face into his chest, sniffling. 

     “Go ahead. We have all the time in the world. I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. She clung to him and let go of her tightly held emotions. As her fear and anger filled her, the tears flowed out. She sobbed into his shirt for a long time. He stroked her hair, holding her close and not speaking until her breathing began to even out. Tipping her chin up so he could look into her eyes, he kissed her softly. She protested, tears and snot having run down her face but he only kissed her again.

     “You’ll come back. If you don’t, I’ll send Mia to kill you,” he said so she laughed. 

     “If anyone could bring me back from the dead, it would be Mia,” she agreed. 

     “But I’d really rather not have to go through with that. So you’ll come back to me. And we’ll deal with both of our pasts. Together. Okay?” he said, smoothing back her hair. She nodded.

     “As long as it’s together, I think I can handle it,” she said. 

     He kissed the top of her head, sinking onto his back when she pulled him. 

     “It will be,” he promised. She smiled, staring up into the sky.  

     “It’s a nice day.” 

 

     NIGHT came too quickly. Ursa shook out her arms as they met for one final debriefing before getting into their Jaegers. Cullen stood beside her, his face stoic. They’d spent the day together. Alternating between falling into bed and just talking. It would have been the best day of their lives if they hadn’t been trying not to focus on the night ahead. Now it had come and neither were ready. She took a deep breath as Blackwall finished running through the plan one final time.

     “So I reach the outer limits of the Breach and power down?” Ursa asked.

     “Yes. We want them to think you aren’t a threat,” he said.

     “And if they try to kill me anyway?” she asked.

     “We cross that bridge when we come to it,” he replied.

     “Great. That’s promising,” she muttered. 

     “You’ll come back,” Cullen said for what felt like the millionth time that day.

     “I know, I know. But we didn’t specify  _ how  _ did we? Alive is relative. There are many states to it. I’m just hoping I come back all in one piece,” she said darkly. 

     “We’re wasting time now. The other domes are ready. It’s time. Get to your Jaegers. We end this tonight!” Blackwall said loudly. They knew the dome was listening, waiting. The pilots nodded, stopping to shake each other’s hands. Dorian hugged Ursa quickly before following Bull to the Charger. Cassandra and Leliana nodded to Ursa as they passed and Ursa was left to turn to Cullen.

     “You’ll come back. Mom’s expecting us next week. I even told her to make up a bed for Cole,” he said. She nodded, trying to smile. 

     “I’ll be back soon,” she said, trying the words out.

     “And you’ll be the hero who saved the world,” he said. She stood on her toes, leaning in to kiss him. They didn’t care who saw. He wrapped his arm around her waist, lifting her against him and locking their lips more firmly. Blackwall cleared his throat. Ursa settled back onto her feet, pressing a light kiss to Cullen’s lips before stepping back. 

     “Okay, I’m going,” she said. 

     “I wish you all the luck in the world,” Blackwall said sincerely. 

     “Thanks,” she said. She kicked off her flip flops and turned to where Fade waited. Taking a deep breath, she began to walk away. Cullen clenched his hand into a fist. He couldn’t follow her. Instead, he watched her go. 

 

     IT was odd having no Drift to initiate. She was lifted out before the others, the silence earrie. She hummed to herself to keep herself company.

     “Don’t tell me you sing too. If you’re that talented, I give up,” Dorian said over the intercom. She laughed. 

     “I’m not very good,” she promised.

     “Good. I’d have to kill you,” he said. 

     “Is everyone in position?” Blackwall asked. There was a long chorus from not just them but the other domes and pilots. Ursa couldn’t see them, most had been stationed out of her line of sight, but it was comforting to know they were there. 

     “Fade, walk to the Breach. Get as close as possible then power down,” Blackwall ordered. Ursa took a deep breath and nodded. She started to walk. It was odd to be back in Fade. Everything had been made for her and she fell back into the controls easily, even if she felt alone. Her radar began going off five miles from her goal.

     “There are three of them over here,” she said. “What do you want me to do?”

     “Stick to the plan. Charger and Danger, get in there. Distract them. Fade, make your way closer. If you can take one with you, do it. If not, power down at the edge. They’ll bring it to you,” Blackwall said.

     Ursa nodded, waiting until two other Jaegers came into view before continuing forward. They were below the waves now, Fade groaning with the tide. Ursa tried not to think of all the crushing water between her and the sky. When the Kaiju began to stalk her, she stopped. 

     “Power down,” Blackwall said. 

     “Yes, sir,” she whispered. She shut Fade down, leaving only the life sustaining power on. It was dark, the water a loud pulse against Fade’s metal frame. She was too low to see any light but it was night anyway. She was surrounded by darkness and alone. She waited. 

     The sounds of the fight were tough to listen to when she could do nothing. Bull swore, Dorian yelled, and those in the Danger screamed as the Kaiju ripped their Jaeger open.

     “Danger’s gone,” Dorian said grimly. Ursa tightened her hands into fists. 

     “Commander…”

     “No,” Blackwall said firmly. “You will stay right there. You’re our only hope. There’s a Kaiju coming your way. Let it sniff you but don’t engage. Divine, get out there. Hong Kong will join you. Back up Charger.”

     “Yes sir,” the others chorused. Ursa groaned, helpless to do anything but listen to her friends fight. When the Kaiju swam up to her, she held her breath. It shoved Fade and she jerked in her holds. It swatted at her a few more times until it seemed satisfied that she wasn’t moving. It moved on with a loud call that made her wince.

     “Another one coming your way,” she said. 

     “We see it. Thanks, Ursa,” Bull said. 

     “Don’t die, guys. I don’t want to come back only to find out you guys are gone,” she said.

     “We’ll do our best,” Dorian said, sounding winded. 

     “Fade, move now,” Blackwall said. She could hear the other commanders from the other domes shouting orders but she focused on Blackwall.

     “Yes sir. Here it goes,” she said. She powered back up and began to walk to the Breach.  She could hardly see even with the lights at the front of Fade so it was slow going. She couldn’t see to the sides, the darkness so complete it was as if it would swallow her whole. At first it seemed like she’d have a clear shot at the Breach but then something hit her out of nowhere. She stumbled, swearing as she nearly fell to the side. 

     “Ursa?” Cassandra called.

     “I’m fine. It got me on the side but I see it. Keep going. I got this,” she replied. When it swung back around, she loaded her plasma cannon and fired up her reactor gun. When it charged, she shot. She grazed its belly but its mouth latched onto her left arm. She screamed as pain shot up her already hurt nerves. 

     “Ursa!” Cullen’s voice came over the speaker. She gritted her teeth and brought the gun up. As the Kaiju ripped at her arm, she took the moment to line up the cannon. 

     “Ursa, talk to me,” he said.

     “Hold on. Little busy,” she said through clenched teeth. 

     It pulled, separating the metal appendage from Fade and causing more pain to shoot up to her shoulder. She knew she would lose her arm if she let it keep hold but she wouldn’t let it be for nothing. With a cry, she emptied the clip into the creature’s head, watching it jerk then fall, releasing the mangled metal arm as it sunk. She sighed.

     “Are you okay?” Cullen asked.

     “Fine,” she said, ignoring her left arm where it hung limp. She tapped on her screen, transferring all power to the right. 

     “It looks like you’re about to have a lot of company,” Blackwall said. “Seven more exiting the Breach.” 

     “Time to play dead,” she said. She let Fade fall to the side, making sure the Kaiju would be able to see her destroyed arm. “Water’s not going to come in and drown me, right?” she asked.

     “It shouldn’t,” Sera’s voice said, “We sealed every port in. Cole checked it this morning.” 

     “Good. I’d hate to drown before I got this done,” she murmured. The Kaiju were coming up fast and she prayed they would go past her. She didn’t know how her friends were doing but if the Kaiju could aim for them, she would be free to drag this Kaiju’s body through the Breach. Only one paused. It was larger than any other she’d seen and she waited, holding her breath, as it poked at Fade and its dead brother. When it seemed satisfied it screamed and followed its partners off towards the coast. She waited until they were gone to stand, grabbing the dead Kaiju at her feet and dragging it with her. 

     “How many down?” she asked.

     “3 Jaegers. 2 Kaiju. The rest are  heading for the coast. The army’s waiting for them,” Blackwall answered. 

     “Better do this fast, then,” she muttered. 

     The Breach was a large hole in the bottom of the ocean. It was daunting even without the aliens that poured out of it. She looked down and took a shaking breath. 

     “Now or never,” she murmured. 

     “Wait! Ursa…” Cullen’s voice was desperate. 

     “I love you,” she said. “Remember that. I love you.”

     “I love you too…” he trailed off and she closed her eyes.

     “I have to go now,” she said, her voice small. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

     She didn’t wait for his response. She stepped off the ledge, pulling the dead Kaiju with her, and sunk down into the Breach. 

     Energy surged through her and she choked on it, pain rolling through her body. It was over quickly but not quickly enough. She gasped and wheezed as she hit the ground on the other side of the Breach, Fade’s crash vibrating through her bones. She looked up, wheezing as she tried to get her breath back. There was an army watching her. More Kaiju than she’d ever seen were staring, their large and eyes and even larger teeth glimmering in the light of their world. 

     “Oh,” she said faintly. “Fuck.” 

 

     THEY’D lost contact with her. Their screen was dark, her voice gone. Cullen watched, eyes wide and wet, as the monitor beeped, waiting for her to return. 

     “She’ll come back,” Josephine said from behind him. “She’ll come back. In a few minutes. She’ll come back.”

     “Make a damn good story if she does,” Varric murmured. Cullen didn’t turn. He didn’t take his eyes from the screen. He was praying. He was waiting. 

 

     URSA felt them tear into her. It didn’t matter. She ignored the pain. It was only Fade being broken. Not her own body. She endured the frissons of pain in her nerves. She endured every bite and rip of the metal, focusing on what was important. These were just the drones.The Queen would be different. Solas had warned her. They would hide her until they thought they could win. He had believed the Queen would want to see her demise but she wouldn’t risk getting too close until the drones were sure she was dead. So she waited. She didn’t fight back. She let them break Fade and she didn’t cry. She watched. She felt every ounce of pain they caused and she waited. When the large, white, Kaiju approached, she gulped. If this creature had come to their shores, they would have had no chance of winning. It was bigger than any animal she’d ever seen. Larger than any Kaiju that had ever swum up from the bottom of the sea. Its eyes were as large as Fade’s chest, its body spanning behind it. Ursa felt her heart stutter. There was a bomb in Fade’s chest. It was nuclear. It would trigger the reactor in Fade’s chest, blowing the whole machine, and hopefully the Kaiju, into a million pieces. If the Queen got close enough, she could kill them all. She was sure of it. Nuclear energy was something not even these monsters could survive. It neared her. Sniffed her. And Ursa clicked the button. 

 

     THE explosion could be felt even on the coast. It vibrated through the Earth and knocked those fighting to their asses. For a moment, there was stillness, then the Kaiju began to scream. The pilots watched in shock as the aliens flailed. On land, the armies stopped to watch as the creatures died painfully. The four that were left in the sea writhed until they fell quiet, eyes blank and bodies limp. For a moment there was only silence. 

     “She did it,” Cassandra murmured. 

     “Find her,” Dorian said. 

 

     THE safety release had been set to go when the bomb was set off. It encased her, suit and all, and shot her from the Jaeger as the bomb counted down for 5 seconds. She had 5 seconds to get back through the Breach. She counted it tremulously as the capsule shot through the water. The Kaiju didn’t look. They thought she was just debris. She flew past them. Solas had hoped that exiting the Breach would be easier. Human DNA could pass out, it just couldn’t get in. But just in case, he’d managed to get ahold of some Kaiju blood and had lined the safety pod with it. Ursa saw more than heard the bomb begin to blow just as the pod reached the ring of the Breach. It blew her forward, knocking her head into the top of the capsule. She saw stars, her head swimming and her body aching. She was through. With that thought, she let her body rest, closing her eyes and letting her mind go blank. 

 

     CULLEN was on the helicopter team. He watched The Divine and The Charger search the waves. Both Jaegers were broken, bits falling off and scrapes on their once bright paint, but they were alive. Two other Jaegers had survived, ten teams who had fallen lost to the water. They would be retrieved by another team. He watched the waves. 

     The capsule had been painted red for this very reason. He nearly jumped into the ocean when they saw it. He didn’t care how high up the helicopter was. He needed to get to her. They’d read no vitals in it but Solas had said it was probably damaged, the violence from both the attack on the Kaiju and the bomb messing with the mechanics. The Divine lifted the capsule, standing still as the lines to lift it were attached and began to lift it up to them. When they pulled it into the helicopter, Cullen pried it open, ignoring the small cuts on his hands from his rushing. She was breathing. There were bruises on her cheeks and blood in her hair, but she was breathing. He sighed, laughing uncontrollably. She twitched as he touched her cheek. 

     “I’m alive,” she murmured without opening her eyes. 

     “You are,” he said, relief coloring his voice. 

     “I’m alive,” she said again. “Did it work?”

     “It did. They died mid fight. You did it. It’s over,” he said tenderly. She opened her eyes, the right one bloodshot, her pupil blown wide. He didn’t flinch. She was alive, they could deal with whatever else came as long as she lived. 

     “Good,” she said with a smile. “Good.” 

 

     SHE wished Cullen didn’t need to be next to her when Solas gave her his results from her visit. She knew she’d lost the use of her arm. She couldn’t feel anything from right below her shoulder to her fingertips. It was dead weight hanging off of her now. She was coming to terms with it. It had been two days and she had decided she could live without an arm. She wasn’t sure how Cullen would take the news. He’d been hopeful that the sensation would come back. He held her hand and she looked at her fingers, wishing she could squeeze his back but there was nothing there. 

     “The good news,” Solas started, “Is that your mind is fine. With some meds, your eye should go back to normal and your foot is just a light sprain. Your ribs are bruised, but nothing a good amount of rest won’t fix. You’ll be back on your feet before you know it.”

     “The bad news?” Cullen asked, pulling her left hand into his lap. She didn’t tell him she couldn’t feel the touch.

     “Your arm…” Solas trailed off.

     “I know,” Ursa said. “It’s gone. I can’t feel anything. So. What can I do?” 

     Cullen looked at her in shock. “No, it can’t be gone. You said it could come back.”

     “I’m afraid it is,” Solas said. “There’s no more feeling. Your nerves are gone, dead. I can clean it up so it stays as it is but you’ll never be able to use it. It would be in a sling for the rest of your life. Or I could remove it. You won’t have trouble getting a prosthetic. The nerves in your shoulder are fine. Attaching a prosthetic should be easy. You just saved the world. Anything you want can be yours. You would want for nothing in an arm.” 

     She closed her eyes, ignoring Cullen’s worried gaze. “Take it off,” she said.

     “Ursa,” Cullen started. 

     “No,” she said, turning to him with a real smile. There were tears in her eyes but she wasn’t faking her acceptance. She was okay with the loss. If it was the last thing she gave up to this war, she would do it to get the happy ending. “It’s okay. Really. It’s over. If all I had to give up was an arm, I’ll take it. Prosthetics are awesome these days. Who knows, I could be a better Edward Scissorhands.”

     Cullen’s eyes searched hers. “It’s really okay,” she promised. 

     He looked down at her hand. She waited, ready to cry if he pulled away. Instead, he put her unfeeling hand at her side and took her right hand, squeezing her fingers. She squeezed back, sniffing back her tears.

     “When do we do this?” he asked. 

     She smiled in relief.

     “As soon as you wish,” Solas said, “I can do it here.” 

     “Okay. Today. Take it off today,” Ursa said. Solas nodded. 

     “Let me get it set up. Wait here.” He left, tapping on his ipad screen as he went. 

     When he was gone, Cullen tipped her chin up to kiss her. She leaned into it, smiling when he pulled back.

     “What was that for?” she murmured.

     “You. You’re beautiful. And when this is done, we’ll go home. You, me, and Cole if he still wants to. Though I will confess, I wish you had your fingers for a day longer,” he said. 

     “Why?” she asked absently. He slid to his knee in front of her bed, smiling when her face went slack. “Cullen…”

     “Ursa Lavellan, love of my life, I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I’d planned to ask you when we got home but...well, who needs a plan? It’s you. It’s been you since our first Drift and I will never want anyone else. I’ve never wanted anyone else. Will you marry me?” he asked. 

     She covered her mouth with her right hand, tears in her eyes. 

     “Cullen! Yes. I will, of course I will. Oh my god!” He pulled a small box from his back pocket, showing her a diamond ring with rubies circling it in a white gold band. 

     “Where did you even get this?” she marveled as he slid it into her right ring finger. 

     “Mom sent it to me. It’s my great grandmother’s,” he said. 

     “What? When?” she gasped, watching it glitter in the light as she shifted her hand. 

     “After that first phone conversation,” Cullen confessed. Ursa laughed, pulling him up and hugging him tightly. 

     “I love you,” she said into his neck. 

     “And I love you,” he replied. 

     She giggled, pulling him into the small hospital bed with her. He slid beneath her so she was sitting between his legs. She leaned back with a content sigh. 

     “So, what happens next?” she asked. 

     “I hate to sound corny, but we live happily ever after,” he said. 

     She laughed. “You’re such a romantic.”

     “So are you,” he said. 

     “Yeah, well. You bring it out in me,” she said. 

     “Good,” he said, kissing her hair. She smiled and leaned back, eyes closing.

     “Happily ever after. It sounds good.”

     And it really did.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fluffy end bits. I won't spoil them.

Chapter 12 

 

     IT took a month to sort everything out. Ursa had her arm removed nearly up to her shoulder, the nerves completely destroyed. For a week, she stared at the bandaged spot where her arm had been, wigging fingers that no longer existed and trying to grab things without thought. When they removed her gauze, she touched the stitches with trembling fingers. It suddenly felt real. 

     “You okay?” Dorian asked. He and Bull had decided to stay at Skyhold until Ursa was ready to travel. As Dorian explained, they had nowhere to be. The world was saved and being cleaned up. They’d done their duty, there was no rush to go anywhere. So he and Bull spent time with their friends, finally getting to relax. Dorian spent hours locked in the meeting room with the prosthetic designer, Dagna, aggressively looking over her sketches and ideas. He promised Ursa she would love her new arm more than her old one, staying up late into the night writing up his own notes. Bull found it amusing and spent most of his time collecting snacks he wanted to try now that shipping through the Pacific was hesitantly being restarted. He brought plates to Ursa’s room where they watched movies on her laptop while eating. There was no more war and though Skyhold had once been the center of the resistance, it had become a haven for those who didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

     Cassandra had stayed for a week before taking Leliana to meet her family. She’d said goodbye, making Cullen promise to visit when they finally made it back to England. He’d hugged her goodbye, surprising her so much that she hid her tears in a stern crease of her lips. He hadn’t been fooled. Leliana had shaken both of their hands, smiling when Ursa told her she considered them friends. With them gone, it truly felt as if the war was over. Blackwall had gone home to his family. Solas and Vivienne had both left early into Ursa’s recovery, Solas sometimes video chatting with Dagna and Ursa about her arm. Varric had done one last interview with Ursa, getting the exclusive story and even managing to get Cullen to add in some quotes of his own. He left to go back to New York once he’d finished, promising a signed copy of the magazine when his article was published. Ursa had the doors of Skyhold closed to any and all interviewers. She was done jumping through hoops for the masses. Varric would be the only journalist with any truthful information and Ursa liked it that way. 

     The halls of Skyhold were quiet. Those left had congregated to the pilot’s hall, the leftover engineers sharing rooms there same as the last four pilots. It was comforting. The large rooms had once been so full of people but now only a few dozens wandered the halls. No one knew what to do anymore. 

     For Ursa, it was nice. She cuddled with Cullen. Watched action movies with Bull. Laughed with Dorian. Talked with Cole. She built herself a family as she waited to be able to go home.

     “Is my arm almost ready?” she asked Dagna on her 10th day at Skyhold. 

     “It would be if Mr. Pavus would stop changing things,” the small woman said, glaring without heat at Dorian. He grinned sheepishly back.

     “I did say this one is okay,” he said. 

     “Then we can start tomorrow! I’ve had it ready for days, he just keeps changing things,” Dagna said brightly. Cullen squeezed her fingers.

     “Really?” Ursa asked breathlessly.

     “Yes. I think you’ll like it. Very sciency. Best one I’ve ever made!” the woman said, her voice chipper. 

     “And it’ll work like a normal arm?” Ursa asked. 

     “As much as it can. You said you’d like to be able to remove it, but thanks to Solas and his brilliant idea to plant the sensors and locks into your bone, it shouldn’t hurt or feel much different from your old one. We’ve even made sure it can be warmed from within and will be the same weight of your old one. It’ll be perfect,” Dagna said breezily. 

     “Except the metal. And the fact that I’ll be able to take it off,” Ursa said sarcastically.

     “Well, yes. But it’s as close as we can get. I assure you, you’ll like it. I’m jealous, actually,” Dagna said. 

     Ursa sighed. “I’m sure it’ll be great. Thanks, Dagna. I’m just tired.”

     Dorian nodded. “We’ll leave you be, then.”

     “Thanks, Dorian,” she said, appreciation warm in her voice. Dorian touched her shoulder as he left, nodding to Cullen as he walked out the door. Cullen turned to Ursa as her bedroom door closed. 

     “You okay?” he asked.

     “I’m fine. It’s just real now, isn’t it? I’ll never have my arm back. This is good, I know, but…” she trailed off, unsure how to say what she was thinking.

     “It’s okay to be upset. To be angry,” he said. “I am. It isn’t fair. Everything that’s happened to you, none of its fair. Life hasn’t been very kind to us, either of us. We’ll take what comes but we have the right to be mad about it.”

     She smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Thank you. It’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll like it. Besides, it has to be better than this, right? My balance is so off I can hardly walk straight. She said it should be close to the same so I should be able to get back on my feet quickly, at least. This is killing me so I’m looking forward to it, really.” 

     “You’ll be great,” Cullen said warmly. She tapped the bed beside her, snuggling into him when he slid in next to her. 

     “Then we can go home,” she said, closing her eyes.

     “Yes. Then we can go home,” he agreed. She let herself doze off on the promise, her smile not dimming. 

 

     A week after she’d received her new arm, she decided to try dancing again. She’d been off her feet since her arm had been taken but now she felt more human. Her balance was coming back and her body vibrated with the need to push itself. She had never gone so long without movement and her legs begged to run, to leap. She tried to exhale her nerves as she put her headphones in her ears. 

     The new arm was a technological marvel. The first prosthetic to screw into the skin without pain, it was mechanical and was charged by her own body’s energy. It moved like a normal arm would, the sensors reacting to her brain’s call for action. It was metal and thanks to Dorian, it was made partially from scraps of the Fade. When Ursa had escaped the Breach, some of Fade had followed. Blackwall had collected the bits and Dorian had convinced Dagna to include them in Ursa’s new arm. They’d repainted the bright green so her upper arm was now a bright emerald that led down to slim, silver, fingers. It didn’t blend in but Dorian had explained that neither did Ursa. She never would again. It was only fitting that she stand out. The whirring when she moved it was off putting for the first few days until she’d gotten used to it. 

     “You would’ve been a superstar even if this never happened,” Dorian had told her. “You were born to be in the spotlight. So live like it.”

     Ursa loved the arm. She would always wish she had her own back, but it was a good replacement. She was still working to use it correctly, sometimes breaking glasses or squeezing Cullen’s hand a little too tightly but she could feel again. The ability to feel some sensation had surprised her. Dagna bragged about it and had worked with Ursa on the sensor strength until it felt just like her hand once had. It was off putting to see her metal fingers but still feel Cullen’s callused skin as she had before it had been removed. As she stretched, she touched her own leg and marveled once more at how she could feel. It felt good simply to move and she closed her eyes, losing herself to the stretch of her muscles. 

 

     COLE looked up as he passed the gym. He could sense Ursa inside and he stopped, watching as she moved.  She frowned at her arm when it didn’t flow with the rest of her movements. She did a pirouette, stumbling when she came out of it, her new arm lagging behind.  

     “Take it off,” he said quietly. She couldn’t hear him through her headphones. She looked frustrated, trying again only to stumble. He stepped farther into the room. 

     “Take it off,” he repeated more loudly. 

     She still didn’t hear him, preparing once more to turn, her lips a thin line. 

     “Take the arm off,” he said, this time catching her eye. She pulled one earbud out.

     “Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she said.

     “Take the arm off,” he said, “You’ll be able to turn better.”

     She shook her head. “No, my balance is so off without it I can hardly walk straight. I can do it this way.”

     “Your balance is only off because you’re overthinking. You’re worrying too much about it. Take the arm off and try it. Listen to your body. It knows. It’ll lead you,” he said. 

     She looked at Cole’s clear, blue eyes. He hadn’t steered her wrong before. Biting her lip, she reached up and tapped the release on her shoulder. She winced as the arm released, still not used to the feeling of it letting go. She caught it as it fell, handing it to Cole who put it gently on the ground. Rolling her shoulders, she let her body settle. Without the weight of the arm, her body felt off, her weight pulling to the right. 

     “Now try,” Cole said. 

     Ursa took a deep breath and let her body fall into position for the turn. She didn’t try to compensate, letting herself tip slightly. 

     “Close your eyes. Feel your body. Don’t think. Just let your body lead you,” Cole said. 

     Ursa followed his instructions. She closed her eyes and slid her feet into position. She let her mind go blank. And then, she spun. 

     It wasn’t perfect. She still wobbled but she came back to her starting position easier than she had before. She opened her eyes and grinned at Cole. 

     “Thank you,” she said with heartfelt sincerity. 

     “You could learn to do it the other way but this is what you wanted. You are whole. You don’t need the arm for that,” he said. 

     She smiled at him. “We’re going home soon,” she said.

     He looked down, a blush tinting his cheeks. “Okay.” 

     “Do you want to stay? I’m going to try a few more moves,” she asked.

     “No. You can do it now. You know the secret,” he said, shaking his head. 

     “Okay. I’ll see you later?” she cocked her head to catch the young man’s eye. 

     He nodded.

     “Good. We’ll have dinner. Then we can talk about when to head out,” she said. 

     He nodded once more and left, leaving Ursa to her own thoughts. Tucking her earbud back into her ear, she prepped for a pirouette and spun, allowing her body to feel the air and balance in its movements. She grinned, for once at home in a body that she felt was missing something. 

 

     THEY waited two more weeks to prepare to leave. Ursa was still off balance and Cullen was nervous to have her fly even though she promised she was okay. As they packed their final bags, Ursa, Dorian, Bull, and Cullen sat down in the common room.

     “Where are you guys going?” Cullen asked. 

     Bull shrugged. “Probably my home for a bit. Then we’ll find our own. Build a life.”

     “Where are you thinking of moving?” Ursa asked. 

     Dorian smiled. “Is it odd to say somewhere close to you?” 

     “It would be if Bull hadn’t told me he put a down payment on a house near my parent’s place,” Cullen said with a smirk. 

     Dorian turned red, looking at Bull with an accusatory glare. “You said you wouldn’t tell!”

     “I had to. Cullen was looking at the same house. I had to redirect him,” Bull said. 

     “Cullen?” Ursa asked in shock.

     “And he wasn’t supposed to mention that,” Cullen murmured, blushing. 

     “You were going to buy a house?” she asked. 

     “Yes. But I couldn’t since Bull did,” Cullen replied.

     “Oh, well that’s okay. You said your parent’s house is pretty nice. We can work from there,” she said with a smile.

     “Only for a little while though,” Cullen said with a grin. He was clearly leading up to something and Ursa turned to him slowly.

     “Cullen…” she said, her voice low. 

     “I bought a plot of land instead. Mia’s already got a contractor there. We can look over the blueprints when we get there,” Cullen said. “I like the ones she’s sent me so far but it’s going to be your house too.”

     Dorian watched his friend’s face light up at the words. She squealed, leaning into Cullen’s side and hugging him, careful with her prosthetic arm. 

     “That’s so much better than a house!” she said in excitement. 

     “Well, I’m happy for a house,” Dorian commented.

     Ursa laughed and launched herself across the room to hug him, landing solidly in his lap. “And I’m happy too. We’re all going to be so close together!” 

     “Most people would call that unhealthy,” Dorian replied.

     “Well, most people didn’t fight giant aliens with their brains linked to another person’s. I think they’ll excuse us if we’re a little codependent,” Ursa said dryly. 

     “Touche,” Dorian chuckled. 

     “Besides, who cares? Everyone I care about is going to be right near me. I think that’s a fair thing to ask after all I’ve done,” Ursa said, her chin raising. 

     “Indeed it is,” Cullen said warmly. She grinned at him across the room. She had never felt happiness like what she felt now. Curling her legs up into the chair and getting more comfortable, she snuggled into Dorian, laughing when Cullen made a face at her. She didn’t move from her spot. She was comfortable in her friend’s lap, his arms around her waist. Cullen sighed and looked away, causing Dorian to chuckle. Ursa leaned farther back into him. 

     “Movie night?” she asked. 

     The chorus of approval made her grin widen. Bull put in a movie and they all settled in. Life was finally getting good. 

 

     TWO weeks later, Ursa stepped out of the plane and onto the tarmac, taking an involuntary step back when a shout of her name smacked her in the face. There was a group of people waiting by the gate. Most didn’t look familiar but she scanned the crowd, finding a set of blonde haired people all smiling and waving. She turned, motioning for Cullen to hurry up. He and Cole stepped out of the plane, both looking surprised by the crowd as well. 

     “URSA LAVELLAN! OH MY GOD! CULLEN RUTHERFORD! I LOVE YOU BOTH!” a girl bellowed followed by a loud shriek. Cullen chuckled and linked their fingers, leaning in to kiss her temple. Ursa savored the touch as what felt like a million cell phone cameras clicked to capture the moment. 

     “That’s going to be viral by tonight,” she murmured when Cullen pulled back. He shrugged. 

     “You’ve come a long way, Rutherford. You didn’t used to like being the center of attention,” she said. 

     “I still don’t. But I can’t help it with you. You’re too irresistible,” he said. She rolled her eyes, fighting the blush that worked its way up her neck. They began to walk, Ursa reaching back with her mechanical hand to take Cole’s arm. Together, the three made their way into the terminal. 

     It took over an hour to get out of the small airport but once they had gathered their luggage, Ursa gripped Cullen’s hand more tightly. He paused, seeing his family coming towards them from outside. Ursa’s panic was evident in her nails biting into his wrist. 

     “They’re going to love you,” he said. Then Mia shrieked his name and he had to hold out his arms to catch the flying form of his sister. Ursa stepped back at the sudden flurry of activity, Cole at her elbow. Rebecca approached her with a warm smile, laugh lines forming as her mouth curved.

     “Ursa,” she greeted, offering her arms for a hug. Ursa hesitated before stepping into the hold. She felt her muscles relax as the woman enveloped her. Rebecca smelled like fresh baked cookies and grass. Ursa’s mother had smelled like the ocean but there was an undertone of something that reminded her of her mom in Rebecca. With a sudden gasp, she clung to the older woman. Rebecca rubbed her back, shushing gently as Ursa hiccuped on a sob. She hadn’t hugged her own mother in over 5 years. Rebecca’s gentle hold released something in her chest that she hadn’t realized was locked. 

     “You’re home, sweetheart. It’s alright. It’s alright, you’re home,” Rebecca murmured. 

     Ursa nodded, her eyes squeezed shut tightly. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

     “And thank you for bringing my son back to me,” Rebecca replied, stepping back. Ursa wiped her nose on her sleeve. She turned to Cole. 

     “This is Cole,” she said, smiling when Rebecca immediately hugged the boy. 

     “Poor thing,” she cooed, “I’m so glad you decided to come. We’ve got a room all set up for you and if there’s anything special you need or want, we’ll be happy to get it for you. I was so sorry to hear about your life before this. Mark my words, we’ll make up for it here.”

     Cole looked flustered, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t had a parent in his life for many years and Rebecca Rutherford was definitely a mother. Cole cocked his head and did what he did best. 

     “Heart pounding...so happy. He looks so good. Good for him, she’s good for him. Thank god they’re alive…” he murmured. Rebecca looked startled and for a second, Cole feared she would turn away from him. Instead, she smiled.

     “That’s a beautiful gift you have,” she said approvingly.

     Cole blushed, his shy smile something to behold. Rebecca looked at Ursa who nodded and grinned. They agreed silently, neither wanting to embarrass him. Cole’s smile was something to behold. Together, the three turned to the rest of the family. Howard was patting Cullen on the back while Branson looked on, a smile on his face. He hugged Cullen as Mia stepped up to Ursa.

     “Ursa...you’re so much prettier in person,” she said with a bright smile. 

     “I’ve only seen you in memories, so you’re even more gorgeous in person,” Ursa replied smoothly. She was nervous but she refused to show it. She’d done many interviews over her three years fighting on the front lines. She could impress this family. She had to. She smiled, allowing her happiness to fill her face. 

     Mia looked Ursa over. She noted the ripped up T-shirt that showed Ursa’s belly ring and the Kaiju leather jacket that had been clearly made for her. She catalogued the wavy auburn hair and the new mechanical arm but what she noticed most was the diamond ring circled with rubies sitting daintily on Ursa’s right hand. Her eyes widened and she stepped up to Ursa, grabbing her hand and pulling it up.

     “You didn’t!” she squealed. Ursa blushed. “You did and you didn’t tell us! Oh my god!  _ Cullen! _ How could you not tell us? You bought a plot of land for a house but didn’t tell us you proposed?” 

     Cullen turned bright red as the whole family turned on him and onlookers began to look more interested, the click of cameras snapping away. 

     “Maybe we could do this in the car?” he asked.

     “No way. You asked your soulmate to marry you and didn’t tell us! I thought mom was being nuts sending you that ring! Turns out I was wrong. And you didn’t even shove it in my face. You must have really wanted to wait to tell us,” Mia gushed. 

     Cullen nodded slowly. “I wanted to tell you in person. I also wanted to ask for real,” he said.

     “You did ask for real. I said yes, didn’t I?” Ursa asked, twining his fingers with her own. 

     “Yes and I’m grateful. But I still wanted to have it be more intimate,” he said, smiling and kissing her forehead. “I wanted to do it at home. I wanted it to be where we want to make a future and with the people we love. I blurted it out that time. I wanted this to be thought out.”

     “Cullen, that’s so sweet but you don’t need to do that. I’d say yes 100 times. The answer won’t change,” Ursa murmured, stars in her eyes. 

     Mia let out a loud “awwww”, Branson made a choking sound, and Rebecca cooed, Howard’s arm around her shoulder. Cullen ignored them all, eyes locked on Ursa’s.

     “You said you wanted a family. You sure? We can always go back to Skyhold,” he joked. 

     Ursa laughed and pulled on his hand. “Come on. Let’s go home.” 

 

ONE YEAR LATER 

 

     URSA writhed as Cullen’s tongue dove into her core. She pulled on his hair as he pushed her to the edge. He kept his hand on her stomach, keeping her from wiggling away as he lapped up her juices. She moaned, wincing as she shifted and the hard floor beneath her caused her back to crack. He looked up, lips glossy from his ministrations. 

     “Everything okay?” he asked, his voice husky. She grinned, hooking her metal finger under his chin and pulling gently. He followed her motion, slipping up her body to kiss her, his fingers tangling in her hair. 

     “I’m really loving this ‘let’s fuck in every room of the house’ but it’s killing my back,” she replied. 

     He kissed her again, his tongue tasting of heat and salt. She chased it for a moment, drowning in him and the warmth that traveled down her spine at his touch. He bit her lip teasingly as he pulled back. 

     “Want to be on top?” he asked. She looked down at her knees dubiously. 

     “Not really. That’s hell on my knees. I’ll suck it up,” she said with a grin.

     “Well if it’s such a chore…” he said, sliding away and chuckling when she caught his arm, pulling him back against her.

     “I swear to god, Rutherford, if you get up right now I’m going to kick you in a not so nice place,” she growled, her lips close to his. 

     “Well that’s not very nice,” he said, his breath playing against her face. 

     “I’m not very nice,” she said. He laughed, the sound cutting off as she kissed him roughly. His hand curled around the back of her neck and he eased her back down, the blanket under her tangling with their feet. She smiled up at him, her breath hitching as he pushed both her arms over her head, pinning them with his left hand. She could feel the chills in her sensors. She curled her metal fingers against his just for the sheer pleasure of feeling it. 

     “What happens to bad girls?” he asked, his teeth at her neck.

     “Well, I’m not really sure. Usually I don’t get caught,” she purred, tipping her head for him to get better access. He laughed.

     “That’s it. Play hard to get,” he chuckled. 

     Her legs spread wide, hooking around his waist and bringing his hard cock to her wet apex with a single yank. She smiled, a wicked glint in her eye. 

     “I think we both know I’m easy,” she said. 

     He ground his pelvis against hers, causing her to arch into the touch. 

     “Only for me,” he said, sucking a mark into the curve of her neck. She whimpered. “Say it,” he prompted.

     “Say what?” she teased, moaning when he bit down harder. 

     “Only for me,” he said, toying with her engagement ring as he bent to suck her nipple into his mouth. She gasped. “Say it,” he repeated.

     “Only for you, Cullen. Fuck! Only for you,” she babbled. His teeth nipped at her, tongue lapping away the sting before it could truly hurt. She felt her body opening for him, her wetness leaking down onto the blanket. She wiggled her hips and he laughed, back in control. 

     “Do you want something?” he asked. 

     She tried to glare at him but her eyes were too hazy, too filled with lust. 

     “Tell me,” he said, his voice dark and rich as he stretched down to her navel, flicking the ring there with his tongue. She tried to free her hands but he lifted himself back over her once more. He was so strong. Her match in every way. They both knew she could flip him off easily. Use her metal arm to throw him across the room. He could fight back, possibly break her if he could land a hit. Instead, they stared at one another, muscles flexing and eyes dark. She loved him so much. Digging her heels into his ass, she spoke.

     “Bite me.” 

     His laughter shook both of their bodies. He dropped his head to her shoulder, sweat causing their skin to stick slightly. 

     “I love you,” he said helplessly. 

     “Good. Show me how much,” she said, wiggling once more. 

     “So needy,” he said but he let go of her wrists to line himself up. She whimpered as he eased inside of her.

     “And you’re such a tease,” she breathed. 

     He looked into her eyes. “Oh really?”

     With a single thrust he pushed fully inside of her. She was wet and hot, clinging to him and he couldn’t help but feel like he always did when he first entered her. As if he’d found his true home. She was made for him. It never could have been anyone else. Her body and soul were meant to align with his. Nothing ever felt as right as this, their bodies meant to be locked together. They both savored the moment of their connection for a breath but then she made an impatient sound, pushing against him, and he let go of his restraint. Pinning her wrists again, he snapped his hips. The floor really was hell on his knees but the pain faded as her neck arched back and her eyes fluttered shut. She moaned and whimpered in pleasure, tiny pleas spilling from her lips as he moved. She rolled her hips to match his strokes, pushing her clit against him with each move. They were both moaning, her name on his lips just as she begged him for more. This was the final room for them to christen and he pushed her higher and higher at the thought. Her eyes snapped open when his hand went around her throat. She groaned as he squeezed gently, her legs tightening around him. It was his cue that he was nearing his end.

     “Come on,” she said, pushing him even closer to the edge, “Cum for me. I love it. Please, do it.” 

     He’d spilled inside of her too many times to count but each time he thanked whatever god there was that he’d found her. She finished before him, her cry a high pitched scream with his name brightly showcased in the middle. Her walls clenching around him pushed him over the edge. She was saying his name, digging her nails into his back as her body shuddered and rode its own high through its final waves. His hips stuttered, the rhythm lost as he chased his own end. With a groan, he filled her, collapsing down onto her. After catching his breath, he looked up.

     “This is really terrible for the knees,” he said.

     She laughed, carding her fingers through his hair gently. “I know, why do you think I made you be on top?” 

     He rolled off of her and onto his back, the wood floor cool on his sticky skin. He stared at the white ceiling. “We’re getting married tomorrow,” he said. 

     He could hear the smile in her voice as she replied, “I know.” 

     “Married,” he said, trying the word out again. 

     “Husband,” she said.

     “Wife,” he mused. They turned their heads to look at one another. At one time he’d thought her a stranger, someone who could ruin his life. Now he didn’t know what he’d do without her. He touched her cheek, laughing when she moved away. “I’m sweaty,” she complained. 

     “I love you,” he said. 

     “I’d hope so or we’d have to return that gorgeous dress I’m wearing tomorrow. Your sister would be so disappointed,” she said. 

     He laughed. “You’re an ass.”

     “Yep. And I have a great one, too. It’s why you’re marrying me,” she breezed, looking over at the new oven and wincing at the time. “Fuck. I have a check in with Solas in like 5 minutes. Last time I did this after we had sex he was so...judgy. I have to go get dressed.”

     He smacked her ass she she stood, smiling when she wiggled her hips. She grimaced, grabbing paper towels off the counter and tucking one between her legs. 

     “Sexy,” he commented. 

     “Oh shut up,” she said, waddling from the room. He watched her go, shaking his head in musing happiness. 

     “Wife,” he said again, liking the way it sounded. 

 

     SOLAS was pensive. He’d been sent Ursa’s blood sample to check on her. Even though it had been over a year, he still worried there would be residual issues after her final fight. Though nothing had shown up, they still did video chat check ins every six months. Ursa had washed her face, cleaned up, and pulled on a red hoodie but still, it seemed Solas could tell what she’d been up to. He frowned at her. 

     “What? I’m getting married tomorrow. Sue me,” she said. 

     “Best wishes,” Solas said, his eyes drifting down to the paper in front of him.  

     “Thanks. Heartfelt, really,” Ursa said dryly.

     “I’ve found something in your blood test,” Solas said, his gaze flicking back up to hers, eyes icy. Ursa felt herself go cold.

     “Oh,” she mumbled.

     “It seems that somewhere between our last conversation and this one you had a little accident. Your medication must be on its last legs or the implant slipped or broke but whatever it is, it happened,” he said. She broke into a cold sweat, unsure of where this was going. Maybe her body was rejecting the arm. Maybe she’d lose even the metal part of her body. “It says here that you’re pregnant. At least 6 weeks,” he continued. Ursa blinked, her thoughts completely derailed. 

     “Wait, what?” she asked. 

     “Pregnant. At least 6 weeks along. I’d like to have more tests done but really, you can go to a normal OBGYN for that. You’ll need prenatal care, but it seems that you’re perfectly healthy otherwise. You’ll want the implant removed, of course, but that can wait until you return from your honeymoon. It isn’t harming the baby as of now. Congratulations, Ursa. You’re going to be a mother. I would still like to speak with you in another 6 months but I think we can fade these check ins out. I believe you have a long and happy life ahead of you,” he said. 

     “Wait. I’m pregnant?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper. 

     He nodded. “Yes. That’s not in question. You’ll need to see your usual doctor and they can help you with a birth plan.”

     “Oh...okay,” she mumbled, her mind reeling. She touched her stomach. A baby. Inside of her. Cullen’s baby. Her face broke into a smile. Solas watched and felt his impartial facade melt away. 

     “Congratulations,” he said more warmly. “I’m sure it will be a beautiful child.” 

     “Thank you. For everything, really,” she said.

     “I’ll speak with you in six months. Make that appointment soon. You’ll want to get a plan in place,” he said. 

     She nodded, her smile widening. “I will. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

     “You’re welcome,” he said.

     They said goodbye, leaving Ursa to reel over the news. She could see the child already. Blondish red curls. Amber eyes. Her brother’s dimples. Freckles in the summer. Her and Cullen’s mutual love of activity. She curled her metal hand around the curve in her stomach. 

     “And here I thought I was just getting lazy,” she murmured to herself. Standing, she spun around. She needed to shower then meet Cole, Rebecca, and Mia to go over wedding details. Cullen would be with his father and brother picking up their tuxedos. Then she’d spend the night with Mia and meet Cassandra and Leliana in the morning. Dorian and Bull would be coming in at night as well for a makeshift rehearsal dinner and then would be back as groomsman for the wedding. She wouldn’t see Cullen alone until after the wedding. It would have to wait. She grinned. A baby. Her happily ever after was coming true. 

 

     COLE looked up as Ursa entered the Rutherford house. Cole was moving into Cullen and Ursa’s new house when they came back from their honeymoon but until then would stay in the room he had at the Rutherford’s. He liked their home. It was cozy. Close, but not crowded. Mia was also moving out soon. Cullen had bought her a condo close by and she was thankful for her own space. She’d lived with her family far too long. Cole worried about change but he found their minds to be warm and happy about what was to come and he couldn’t begrudge them such thoughts. He allowed their happiness to infect him. He enjoyed having a family. 

     Cole was the only one at the kitchen table when Ursa came in. He studied her, his face going slack as her thoughts reached him. Her smile widened.

     “Little, chubby hands. Golden hair. So beautiful. So wonderful. More than I ever considered…A baby. Ursa, a baby,” he said. She nodded, her beaming smile easily the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She was glowing. 

     “Can I?” he motioned to her stomach. She nodded. He put his hand on her, moving her hoodie up so he could put his palm flat on her warm skin. Blinking he looked up.

     “Not one. Two,” he said. Her face morphed from joy to shock at the words.

     “What?”

     “Two babies. Twins,” he said. “Soft, small, so close. Not yet fully formed but both alive. Both new.”

     Her eyes began to tear up and for a moment he worried she was upset but then she crushed him to her in a hug. “Two!” she giggled. “Two babies, oh my god! You’re going to have nieces or nephews.” 

     Cole still wasn’t used to being thought of as part of the family. He looked down at her still flat belly. “Nieces or nephews?” he said.

     “Or one of each. I’d like that. A girl and a boy,” she said, her voice far away. 

     “I’d be…” Cole trailed off. Ursa looked at him, seeing him for real and smiling.

     “An uncle. Uncle Cole. They’ll love you,” she said warmly. He blinked and nodded, unsure of what to say. She hugged him again. “It’s going to be perfect.” 

     “It better be,” Mia said from behind her, “I spent nearly a year planning. Come on, we have shit to do before Dorian and Bull get here. No time to be sentimental, yet.”

     Ursa winked at Cole, placing her finger on her lips in a shushing motion. He nodded. Together, they sat. When Rebecca entered they began to plan and all the while, Ursa traced patterns on her stomach. 

 

     DORIAN woke Ursa in the morning. She rolled over, glaring as he poked her cheek.

     “Stop it, I’m up,” she said, swatting at him.

     “Good. Your dress is here, then you need to get your hair done and your makeup. You have shit to do, let’s go,” he said.

     “It’s my wedding day. Aren’t I allowed to be lazy?” she complained. Dorian laughed.

     “What gave you that impression?” he asked. She sighed heavily and rolled to her feet, scratching her head.

     “Point me to the shower,” she grumbled. He pushed her towards the bathroom. She was in the second bedroom of the new house and the floor plan was still foreign. She stumbled over the fuzzy bathroom rug, swearing so Dorian laughed. He followed her and sat on the toilet as she clambered into the shower. After a few minutes he heard her mutter, then the curtain was pulled back, her face green. He jumped up, watching and wincing as he pushed up the seat  just in time.

     “Did you eat something bad?” he asked when she’d finished. She shook her head, leaning back on her heels, water dripping onto the floor from her wet hair. It took him a moment to process the words but then his eyes widened. “Oh.”

     “You can’t say anything. I haven’t told Cullen yet. I plan to tonight when the party’s over so don’t mention it until after we come back, okay?” she said, her breath heaving in her chest. He nodded numbly.

     “Does anyone else know?” he asked. She stood on shaking legs and wiped her mouth. He handed her a toothbrush which she took gratefully. She didn’t bother covering herself. Dorian was looking at her stomach but she didn’t care. The ring in her belly winked in the bathroom light but he was studying the curve he had assumed was just junk food and less exercise. 

     “Cole. And Solas since he told me but that’s it,” she said. 

     “Okay. I won’t say anything,” Dorian promised. Ursa smiled. 

     “Good. I’m excited,” she said. 

     “That’s a relief. I was worried you wouldn’t want it,” he said, herding her back into the shower. “But we can discuss this as you shower. We still have a time table.” 

     She got back under the spray of water, her heart beating quickly. “It’s twins,” she blurted. “Like my brothers. I’m having twins.” 

     Dorian was quiet for a moment. She worried he had left the room but then he spoke. “That’s amazing,” he said, his voice raw.

     “You’ll make a good uncle, I think. They’ll love you,” she said. She couldn’t see Dorian’s eyes fill with tears and he was glad of it. Sentiment was not his friend. “You and Bull. You’ll be the cool uncles, I’m sure.” Dorian wiped his eyes with his hand, looking in the mirror to make sure it wasn’t noticeable. 

     “Stop blabbing and hurry up. You have a dress to put on,” he said. Ursa hummed, quickening her pace. All the while, Dorian smiled. 

 

     CULLEN waited at the gazebo. Mia had it decorated in sunflowers and vines, the sun beaming through and lighting where Ursa would stand. The day had flown by and now Cullen shifted his weight, scowling when Bull chuckled behind him. In the crowd, Blackwall, Varric, Sera, Cole, Vivienne, and Leliana sat together. On the other side of the gazebo Mia, Cassandra, and Josephine stood. There were others in the crowd. Rutherford family members and friends but Cullen was looking at a slim blonde with chocolate eyes who sat in front of the pilots. 

     “Dorian, who is that?” he asked. Bull shrugged, looking at Branson.

     “Not one of ours,” he said. 

     Cullen watched the woman. She smiled at him vaguely, turning when the music began. They had opted to have their groomsmen and bridesmaids already at the front when Ursa walked down the aisle. They’d both decided eyes should be only on her. 

     Dorian, his suit an ash grey with a white shirt and blue tie, had his arm linked through Ursa’s, her metal arm holding her bouquet. Her father was gone and Howard had said he didn’t want to take her father’s place. They’d all agreed Dorian would be the best substitute. He and Ursa had grown even closer in the year they’d all lived near each other and he’d been honored by the request. He smiled as he walked but Cullen didn’t see it. He only saw Ursa. 

     She’d had her hair curled and pulled partially up, a pale pink veil settled down her back. Her gown was a light blush color with a white sash. It had a scooped neck and sleeves that fell off her shoulders. It fell like a waterfall down her body, rippling with each step she took. She was the most beautiful thing Cullen had ever seen and he found himself reaching out his hand before she even reached him. She laughed, her smile so bright it nearly blinded those who looked right at it. She took his hand as soon as she could, grinning at Dorian when he kissed her hand before stepping next to Bull. 

     “Hi,” she said softly to Cullen. He turned her so they were standing in front of the reverend, the light pooling at their feet.

     “Hi,” he replied. 

     “You may be seated,” the reverend said. The crowd sat, all watching happily. 

     “About a year ago I got a very special phone call. It was from Mia Rutherford and she asked me for a favor. Her brother and his chosen partner were finally home. They were planning to get married and they wanted me to do it. I was there for each of the Rutherford’s births, you see. I gave Rosalie her parting words and I had assumed I would never see this very special family again after such tragedy. Of course, I said yes to this request. I knew of Ursa Lavellen before I ever met her and upon seeing the two together I knew I had to perform this wedding. Never have two people been so in love. I know every reverend says that. Anyone who performs a marriage must, but for those of you who are lucky enough to know these two young people, you know it’s true. Life has been cruel to them both and in the height of adversity and struggle, they found one another and forged a bond nothing could break. Today they stand before you to tie their lives together and I, for one, would like to say...it’s about time.”

     Laughter rang out and the man smiled. “I see you two are already holding hands. Good. Before god and all those you love, please, tell one another why you have chosen this path. Ursa?” 

     Ursa smiled. They had decided to write their own vows and she was happy they had. She looked up into Cullen’s eyes. They’d become so familiar. She woke up to them. Fell asleep with them there. She sought them in a crowded room. Kissed the edges of them when he woke from nightmares. She couldn’t imagine a day without them. 

     “Cullen,” she started, “When we first met I know neither of us expected this to happen. I was happy to be alone and so were you. Then we didn’t have a choice and I was given...the greatest gift I had never hoped for. I know I can be an ass but I love you so much. I’m thankful everyday for having you in my life. You saved me from myself and I can think of nothing better than spending the rest of my life and my days with you.” 

     He wanted to kiss her. She could see it in his eyes. She licked her lips deliberately so he shook his head slightly, chiding her. Her eyes lit with humor and she smiled. 

     “Cullen?” the reverend prompted, not noticing the movement. 

     “Ursa. When I thought about what I’d say here I had so much to say I had to ask Mia to help me cut it down,” he said so everyone chuckled. “You are...incredible. You saved the world and that’s not even the most impressive thing about you. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You give so selflessly and I’ve learned to be a better person from you. I promised myself that I would give you everything you could ever want and I’ll hold myself to that promise for the rest of our lives. I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you. I love you.” 

     She had begun to tear up as he spoke. When he finished, she looked at the reverend. “Can I kiss him now?” she asked. 

     Everyone laughed and the reverend smiled. “One more thing, then yes. Do you, Cullen Rutherford, promise to love this woman for the rest of your days? Do you promise to hold her, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” 

     “I do,” Cullen said, running his thumb over the smooth metal of her left hand. She smiled widely. 

     “And do you, Ursa Lavellan, promise to love this man for the rest of your days? Do you promise to hold him, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

     “I do,” she said brightly. 

     “Then I pronounce you man and wife. Now you may kiss your husband,” the reverend said. Ursa laughed, throwing her arms around Cullen’s neck. He bent her backwards, smiling into her mouth as everyone cheered. Mia handed over the rings as they straightened. 

     “I know it has to go on my right hand,” Ursa said as Cullen slipped the band on her finger, “But I like it. It’s like us. Not quite normal.”

     Cullen looked at her and then, without hesitating, put his band on his right hand. “There. Now we match,” he said. 

     She smiled, leaning in to kiss him once more. They clasped hands and turned to the crowd. For a moment, she smiled widely and waved but then her eyes fell on the slim blonde. The woman waved hesitantly and Ursa’s smile dropped.

     “Lindsay?” she said incredulously. 

     “Hi, Ursa. It’s been a long time,” the woman said. Ursa stared into the face of her past best friend. Her college roommate. The only person who had begged her to stay. Letting go of Cullen’s hand, she stepped down from the gazebo and wordlessly hugged the other woman. After a moment, the blonde lifted her hands and hugged back just as tightly. With everyone watching, they were reunited. 

     “How?” Ursa asked as they pulled back. Lindsay pointed to Josephine who blushed and waved.

     “Your friend Josie hunted me down. She invited me,” Lindsay explained. 

     “I haven’t seen you in-”

     “Six years,” Lindsay said. “I know. You just dropped off the face of the planet then I saw your face on the news. Quite a shock, by the way. My college best friend saved the world! First girl I ever kissed, killing aliens. Gotta say, it was weird.”

     Ursa blushed. “Right. Well I did try to call but by the time I did…”

     “The school was closed. Yeah. Well. I’m here now. And you have a husband to show off. I’ll see you at the reception. We can catch up then,” Lindsay said kindly. Ursa nodded dumbly, her hand still clasped with Cullen’s. 

     “Come on,” Cullen said, “We’ll see her later.”

     “Right. Yeah. Okay,” Ursa said, sounding dazed. She let Cullen pull her back down the aisle, shaking her head when they got into the limo. 

     “You okay?” he asked. She turned to him, smiling. 

     “Better than, husband,” she said. 

     He smiled back. “My wife. I’m talking to my wife,” he said in amazement. 

     “Did you ever think you’d get married?” she asked, leaning her head on his shoulder as the car started. The reception was at a hall downtown and she watched as they drove away from their new house, the front windows bright and new. 

     “No. But I’m glad I’m here. More than glad. Ecstatic,” he said. 

     “Me too,” she said warmly, looking down at her stomach. 

     “Let’s go have fun with our friends. Then later, I’m going to ravage you,” he said. 

     She giggled. “Sounds like a plan.” 

 

     THE party was the highlight of the day, Ursa thought. She caught up with Lindsay who was actually living in London and helping to rebuild the dance academy there. She invited Ursa to come see and maybe even interview for a job which Ursa gratefully accepted. She danced with her friend, performing like she hadn’t in quite some time. It was as if the years hadn’t happened and they fell into the same giggling tizzy they had shared as teenagers. She kissed Cullen every chance she got, dancing slowly with him for all of their friends and family to see. Cole was a surprisingly good dancer and she pulled him onto the floor with her a few times before allowing him to hide in the shadows once more. It felt good to have all their friends in one place. It reminded them both of how far they’d come. Ursa hugged Mia tightly before they left.

     “Thank you,” she said, “Thank you so much. I don’t know how I would have done any of this without you.”

     “It’s nothing,” Mia said, “You love my brother. I’d do anything for him and that now extends to you. Go. Have a great trip. We’ll be here when you get back, new house and all.”

     “You might want to start planning a nursery,” Ursa said slyly, looking over at where Cullen was saying goodbye to Branson. Mia’s eyes lit up.     

     “You’re planning to have a baby already? Oh, I already have some ideas!” she gushed. 

     Ursa looked around before placing Mia’s hand on her stomach. “Plan for two,” she whispered. 

     Mia’s eyes widened. She froze, looking down at her hand. “Ursa…”

     “Shhhh,” Ursa said on a giggle. “I’m telling him as soon as we’re alone. He’ll kill me if he knows I told you first. But...go ahead and plan.”

     Mia squealed and threw her arms around her new sister in law. “I love you both! Go, have fun! I’ll send you any ideas I have!” 

     Ursa nodded, slipping back as Cullen approached. “Ready?” he asked. She nodded, taking his hand. 

     “Let’s go.” 

 

     THE car was blissfully quiet after the noise of the party. Cullen sat back with a sigh. “I love them all but I’m glad to be out of there. I know you like all of that but I could use some sleep.”

     Ursa was suddenly nervous. What if her joy wasn’t his? What if he didn’t want this to come so fast? They hadn’t really discussed a timetable for their lives. Neither of them had really expected to make it this far. She shifted nervously.

     “What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing the movement. 

     “I have something to tell you,” she said. 

     “Okay…” he tipped his head to look into her eyes as she tried to avoid his gaze. “What is it?”

     “I’mpregnant,” she blurted quickly. 

     “What?” he said, his nose crinkling in his confusion, the words running together so he didn’t catch them.

     “I’m...I’m pregnant. With twins. Babies. In me,” she said, fiddling with her rings. 

     For a moment, there was only silence. Then Cullen whispered, “What?”

     “Pregnant,” she said again, finally meeting his gaze. Her own look was apprehensive. Cullen looked stunned.

     “You’re pregnant? For how long?” 

     “Solas said 6 weeks. I have to make a doctor’s appointment when we get home. See if they can give me a more exact time frame. But I just started puking this morning so Solas is probably right,” she babbled. 

     “You’re pregnant,” he said, this time happiness was beginning to color the words. Ursa looked at him hopefully. 

     “With twins,” she reiterated. 

     “You’re pregnant with twins. You’re my wife and you’re pregnant with twins,” he said, trying out the sentence as a whole.

     “Yes,” she said. 

     He looked at her in awe. “We’re going to have two babies?” 

     She began to cry, her smile splitting her face as she nodded wildly. “Yes.” 

     “Twins,” he said again. 

     She lunged in to hug him, squeezing him tightly. “I’m so excited,” she confessed. “Twins! Your mom will have grandkids and they’ll have so many people who love them. Your family, Dorian, Bull, Cole. They’ll have amazing lives, we’ll make sure of it, won’t we?”

     “We will,” Cullen said, kissing her cheeks before kissing her lips fiercely. “I love you.”

     She took his hand, placing it gently on her stomach. Though they couldn’t feel anything yet, they both marveled at the lives building there. Lives they’d made. “You saved my life and now we made them. I think...if there’s a girl we should name her Rosie. And if there’s a boy, after my brothers?” 

     He nodded, his own eyes wet as he kissed her again. “That sounds perfect.” 

     And it was. 

 

     FOUR years later, Ursa Rutherford rolled her eyes at her sister in law and her two best friends. 

     “I told you they wouldn’t come in. Cole’s been teaching them how to hide and now they think I can’t find them,” she said. She poked her head out the kitchen window once more, bellowing, “Rosie and Justin Rutherford! If you don’t get your cute butts in this house in 10 minutes we’re leaving without you!” 

     Lindsay chuckled. “How do they feel about this one?” she asked, gesturing to Ursa’s growing belly.

     “They want to name her Colette. They’re going to miss Cole when he goes to school. It’s their way of coping. We keep saying he’ll only be in London but to them that’s the end of the world,” Ursa said. 

     “I like that name. But only if her middle name is Pavus,” Dorian commented. Ursa rolled her eyes. 

     “Are they still outside?” Cullen asked as he came down the stairs. He hugged Ursa from behind, kissing the side of her head so she smiled softly. 

     “Yes. Maybe you can get them inside. We can’t miss this flight. Blackwall will kill us. After all the groveling I had to do to make this possible, if we don’t get there on time I think he’ll be mad enough to make us spar again,” she said. 

     Cullen laughed. “I’ll get them.” He went out the backdoor and Ursa sighed, leaning on the counter.

     “I can’t believe we’re going back. A reunion. That I planned. I actually want to see people. When did that happen?” she asked, smiling as she watched her husband wrangle their toddlers up from the swingset. He had one under each arm and he grinned at her when he saw her watching. They’d made love only that morning but still, she wanted him again. She wondered if it would ever go away, the need to be with him. She hoped it didn’t. 

     “You’ve changed. It’s good. Bull wants to show me off as his new “bride” and you know Cassandra’s bringing that husband of hers. It’ll be good for all of us. Besides, Skyhold’s the most famous museum in history now. And we’re a part of that. It’s special,” Dorian said. 

     Ursa held out her arms as Cullen stomped back inside. He handed over the squirming Justin who giggled when Ursa blew a raspberry onto his belly. 

     “What did daddy promise you to get you inside?” she asked. 

     “Ice cream. And no bedtime when we get there,” the little boy giggled. Ursa smoothed his wild, red, curls with one hand, holding him up with her metal arm. She looked over at Rosie, her own longer, red curls also a mess but her amber eyes bright. “And you?”

     “Ice cream. And a puppy!” the girl said proudly. Ursa lifted a single eyebrow at Cullen who grinned sheepishly. 

     “We’d discussed it,” he said. 

     “Fine. But, you have to learn how to take care of it. I’m not taking it out everyday for you,” Ursa said. Rosie cheered. “And you have to go get ready right now or we really will miss our flight.”

     Rosie nodded, squirming so Cullen put her down. She waited until Justin was beside her, then the two took off. Ursa placed her hand on her swollen belly. “Three of them. It’s going to be a handful.”

     “And you wouldn’t want it any other way,” Mia said. Cullen pulled Ursa into his side, even after the last few years with her, he relished feeling her against him. She was still the blessing she’d been years prior. She leaned into him, the scent of her nearly distracting him from their conversation. He touched her ever swelling belly gently. 

     “I know I don’t,” he said. 

     Ursa grinned up at him. “Me either. Now let’s get dressed. We have a life to go brag about. And Dorian, don’t you have a husband to collect before we leave?”

     Dorian stood, thanked them for the coffee, and ducked out the backdoor with a wave. Mia began filling the dishwasher as Ursa and Cullen headed to the stars.  

     As they climbed she paused, turning to face him. He put his hands on her waist and hers fell to his shoulders, his head tipped up to look into her face. 

     “We really did get our happily ever after, didn’t we?” she said, contemplating. 

     He smiled widely. Above them, their children giggled as they changed. Soon they would see their friends again and already, Cullen was ready to come home to his house where his wife sat beside him. Where he could lie her in their bed and make her forget everything but him. Where they’d made another baby and he thought that just maybe, in another year or so, they could make one more. He had everything he could dream of. He leaned in and kissed her rounded stomach, closing his eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair. 

     “Yes,” he said, tipping his head to look up at her, “Yes we did.”

 

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! It's finished and I'm so happy with how it came out. I hope you enjoyed it. And here's where I plug my other writing. I just started posting an original work on here and figure that if you're interested in my writing and in cool fantasy stories you'd might like to check it out. It's on my page if you'd like to see what my usual work looks like! Thank you all so much for reading and for your lovely comments. It's because of you that I enjoyed posting this so much. Check out Regent if you like! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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